The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

sorry...I'm sorry...

hell in my mind, hell in my soul, hell in my heart, hell in this hole, nothing is right, nothing is good, nothing is to be the same, nor as it should, everything is gone, everything is falling, everything is lost, everything is calling, i dont go to the end, i go to the light, i sit by the door and wait up all night, the razor cuts, the wind chills, the fire burns and the lightening thrills, this is my hell, this is my fire, this is my life

what am i waiting for? what do i want? the end? the beginning? the beginning of the end? i feel the depression, and i feel the anger, and i feel the confusion. whats left for me to do? tonight, the razor comes back..tonight, the blade cuts my flesh, not hard, not deep, not bad, not threatening, just something to do...something to make the pain go away...the sadness go away, the weakness go away...I sit and wait for...the razor...to come back, the urge, the demon...

anger and hate, mixed with lust and pain...a darker side even I haven't seen in me...what did you do to me? why did you do it? alone, i wander, desperate, i search, in vain do i hope? what do your words mean? why do you act like i am not who i said i was? do you question me? do you have other plans? are you fake? wtf do you fucking want from me god mother fucking damn it?! answer me! wtf do you want from me?! you hurt me by being you. i hate you because i need you. i love you because i hate you. wtf do i do now? wtf am i supposed to think? am i not who you want me to be or did someone change your mind for you? did seeing things make you wonder what was right and wrong? did you break under a wieght? am i losing my mind because of you? am i losing everything because of you? hope is fading with the silence that makes me scream in rage and pain. I'm falling in the abyss, will me darkest, deepest fear come to be? my fear of being gone before I become immortal...did you do this to me on purpose? or was it an accidnet? did i do this to me on puropse or was it an accident? this is one reason i hate the god i dont believe in...to quote a movie..."'dont you believe in god?' 'I used to'"...

Yeah, I'm feeling wierd...unexplainable unless you can feel what i feel...i feel what the man who knows no reality, no sanity feels, as best as a sane mind can feel the insane...i dunno, BP attack? apathy attack? demon stirring? anger attack? i dunno, it just fucking sucks....someone just kill me...maybe its depression...i dont know, kill me or let me kill someone...or someones...i wanna see blood, not out of hate, just kuz i want to see it running...dripping...leaving....like poison in my viens, a venom in the world of men and monster...you cant save me from my damnation...even i cant do that...all you, the reader can do is watch as my life is thrown to "satan" and my music brings the end of society and the rise of either armaggedon or a new world order...one of hate...

tomorrw i bring my war. tomorrow, i start my war. tomorrow, the war on "god", on religion, on music, on society, on this world and the next will begin, my music will start, my band will create and i will start my war. my war on all things has begun....

well I'm off for today, I might drop by one time, later on but I have laundry and cleaning and showering and more cleaning to do all day long :( oh well...guess I'll get by....i hate easter...damn i'm tired as fuck too...dozing from 2-3, laying awake at 3, too hyper to stay in bed around 5, took a walk then, from 5-6 in the morning, then went to bed and slept till about 9:30 , so all in all, a good 3 1/2 hours of sleep plus an hour of dozing....I'm tired and pissed :) well, thats all for now, gonna look around VR and do some things, then off to get started on getting ready to go to hell....i mean to go home. :) Good bye.

Yeah, I sit here and play with my headphones, dreading the coming robbery of myself from this place...I look around and wonder why everyone is smiling. I look around and wish everyone who is smiling would die. They are happy to go home. They have nice lives and good families. I have a religion fanatic for a mom and a bitch for a sister. I got an internetless house for a home. I got four days with my family and no time here. I will be alone. And I hate those who have it good. They dont deserve it. I work to make it better, to make my music better, but they get the world on a plate. Well soon I will take their plates and eat their food. I will steal their women and burn their houses. I will take what they love because they did not work for that love. My music will shakethe foundation of religion and make every child cheer in glee, it will bring the vampires out of the shadows, it will make known to the world who we are. It will bring hate from all authority. It will make the world hate me, and I will take the worlds hate consume it. It will be my fuel. But for now, I must condend with going home to celebrate Jesus coming out of the ground...sweet nightmares and darkest wishes to all.

DIE FUCKER DIE!!! I WANT TO WATCH YOU BLEED AND SCREAM IN PAIN AS YOU DIE!!! I HATE YOU!!! I WANT TO SLIT YOUR THROAT AND HEAR YOU GAG ON YOUR OWN BLOOD!!!! DIE DAMN IT! WHY WONT YOU DIE???!!!! I HATE YOU!!! EVERYONE HATES YOU!!! YOU DONT DESERVE TO LIVE!!! YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR OWN LIFE AND SAVE US THE TROUBLE OF DOING IT FOR YOU!!! DIE FUCKER DIE!!!!



If you hate, me this is to you, if you dislike me, this is to you. If you ignore me or dont know me, this is to you. If you enjoy my presence, disregard.

You know who you are....

yeah...just paranoia....but GRRR!!!! library closes in ten minutes so....i'll fume on regular paper and post what i said later on tomorrow...

is it really silence? or is it being ignored? i dunno...either way...it sucks...maybe its my own paranoia....i hope so...it better be...

now I'm tired...and depressed...silence is not a good thing...but silence is what i feel, no matter what i do, i am surounded by silence, silent people, silent music, silent silence....silence is not bliss....its just a way to make me insane faster....

anyone touches me, i swear to whatever primitive god they worship, they will get my boot in and through their knee cap, my spiked cuffs in their forhead, my claws in the sides and my teeth in their neck!!!!

anger is burning, hate is swelling, malice is growing and vengance is erupting....sheesh, do i look that mean? people are moving away from me and staring....FUCK THEM! just as soon kill em as bother with their stupid problems!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THE WORLD!!! AND EVERYTHING IN IT!!! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!! I WANT IT TO BURN IN HELL!!!! DIE FUCKING WORLD!! DIE EVERYONE IN IT!!! DDDDIIIIEEEEE!!!!! FUCK!!!!...*fuming*

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

God damn it soooo wanna smash my fist into someones face! GGRRR!!! RRRRAAWWWRRR!!!

Hm...ok...I'm calm, and ok....and this kid next to me is getting on my nerves!...GRRR!!!...ok....i'm ok..I'm kool...god hes ugly and stupid and i hate him...

well i can say for certain my music is not helping..."system"..."why wont you die? your blood in mine. we'll be fine. then your body will be mine..." not the best lyrics for me right now. oh fucking well! GGRRRR!!!! i hate my computer!!! i hate virus makers and their all gonna die! i will hunt each one down and kill them!!! I wont need to ask "why wont you die!"

still bored...and unfeeling, i'll keep you updated as the night progresses...or until the god damn mother fucking library closes!!!!

Hm...i'm cant feel again...it sucks...make me feel. someone make me feel...anything...anger? pain? joy? make me feel...please.

GGGRRR!!!!!!!!! DIE FUCKER! i have no clue who thats too, if you read this, it very well might be to you. i dont know and i dont care!

um...yeah....anger? jealosuy perhaps? misinterpretation and i know it. but i dont care...anger is a friend and I wont fight it. hate is a counterpart, and I enjoy it. frustration is a common place and i hate it. hm...BP is starting! yay for me....hope no one gets hurt...

Pissed, confused, hurt, alone. WTF is going on!? "Do I really"?! I sure as fucking hell hope so! "I'm moving"! Damn it fucking shit, why?! "kuz". FUCK! WHY!? "Dont as why I'm asking"! WHY DAMN IT?! WHY!!?? What now? "Move back home". Oh ok. WHAT?! "silence".....wtf is going on? anger! sweet anger that i know so well. swelling up, pouring out. whos next on the path of rage. Who else will let me down, hurt me, or make me mad? who else will make this day unpleasant, though for all its unpleasantness, there is on thing about today that is good. And that is the only good thing about it. GGGGGRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

What do I need? What is my inspiration to write of hate, rage, lust and The Dark? Where are you? Where is the spark I need to fly? To make my music soar? Where and what is it that I need to make myself a god among muisc. Why can I not find it? Time is running out. Lies are running thin. My...darker side is shining through more and more. Will I only write when all is dire and needed? When will I sing? When will I write? When will I make music? When will my road to immortality, through legend and song and voice, begin? When will I become the vampyre I was meant to be? Soon. Very soon.