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After coughing up blood and being hospitalized, i have returned back to this site. I'm still coughing up blood occasionally but not as much as i had been. Ever had insomnia in a hospital? It sucks. I hated it.

I've been thinking about moving again. Where to is unknown. Though i enjoy where i live, i cannot stay. Certain circumstances prevent me from staying. Maybe i will decide soon enough.

I've begun to become accustomed to the insomnia and the reoccuring memories. I've taken to being apart of the night as if it was my nature. I thank you my dark friend. After the love we shared was severed, i have begun noticing things others don't, see things that others turn a blind eye to. Humanity is not what it seems. It's disgusting and vile. Filled with hate and anger. You have helped me see that love does not exist as we perceive it. The human race is dark and abusive. Where others don't look, humans true nature shows. Maybe this is what you've tried to tell me. Tried to show me. I was blind but now i see.

Another sleepless night has overcome me. My thoughts swim to find a solution. Yet none come to mind. I've taken to nightly walks to clear my head, but to no avail. The city looks different at the late hours of the night. Rugged, lawless, merciless. It's pitiful and sad how much the human race can change depending in the time of day. The world shows its true self in the light of the moon. I most likely will walk through the night again tonight since i doubt sleep will wash over me and release me from this torment.

Unsure of what to do. Been years since the last time this happened. Last time nearly drove me to the point of insanity. Many people turned their backs then. I'm just so confused. This time seems worse. Lack of sleep has taken a toll, my appetite has gone down considerably, and i feel weak. Just drained all the time. Wish i knew what to do to rid myself of this.

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pheonixflower4x4
16:03 Jul 13 2013

if you have been spending an abnormal amount of time at home or at one place more then you are used to it could be stagnation and not enough stimulation and the opposite is true too much stimuli can cause the same. take a break/walk some where you find peaceful and maybe meditate on it? hope it can help ya

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Didn't sleep well last night. Not sure why exactly. Guess i have too much on my mind. I guess one can truly only run for so long until their past catches up with them. I need to go for a drive. Hopefully that will clear my head.

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natidream22
16:02 Jul 11 2013

Ill drive you any where you want to go

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LadyWillow
16:03 Jul 11 2013

Aww thanks :)

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LadyAmethystWillow
07:07 Jul 14 2013

what is on your mind? need to talk?

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Today i finally got to level 20 and got into the coven I've been wanting to join, the Path of Ecstasy coven. Took alot of work but worth it. I have a couple to thank so very much for helping me. You guys rock! Love ya! News outside of the rave. I went to the mall yesterday and had a blast. Bought a few cute outfits, one in which i wore today for a girls day out. Went to the movies today and saw monsters university. It was cute and funny. I loved it. Then we went for mexican food, which i ate too much. My belly hurts now :( but i will be okay. Just going to relax and chill on the rave tonight.

Okay, so far I've had an awesome summer. I've entered into a wonderful mentorship, made quite a few friends on here and went to an epic lake party. I was shocked at how many people actually showed up. Well not really. I know I'm gonna have a hell of a hangover later but i don't care. I had so much fun. Still saving up to get a new camera so i can start taking new pictures to add to my portfolio. I wonder if scouters check this place out to hire photographers. Who knows. Anyways, I'm enjoying everything so far and have a few people to thank for helping me get started. You know who you are. Love ya. Lol. All i can think of to write for now. Oh i just remembered this is my first entry. Yay! Lol.