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How do I fight for something that I want after so long believing the results will be nothing but horrible!



I know, I am a teenager and you are trying to protect me, but you cannot keep me lucked up forever! I want my own car, though i can get one, it wont be right. I want a phone in my name, but that wont work out either, and if i move out, I will be left without a car without a phone, but if I am at all rebellious the threat of being forced to live with my mother again arises.



So I would have to quite my job, which i mostly like, I would have to quite the things i enjoy with the company I enjoy just because i want to be a fucking grown up! Dad says, "You are restricted, give me your car keys."

I just want to scream, "I know restricted is just a grown up word for grounded. "

Are you happy I fear you?

I remember in Alice the red queen says that its better to be feared than loved.

Your my dad! I have to go to college, but I'm not aloud to do online classes, or weekend classes, and I'm not allowed to have a full time job so I have more money to live off of, and I have to go to choir practice, therapy, and take psych med's or be thrown to the curb. Now is it just my teen age mind or is that fucked up?

Give me the chance to try at life, if i fail I will say you were right, but I will also say, you kept me from allowing me to make my own decisions for far too long!

This is seriously stressful! My mom says she will co-sign for a car so i can get a loan, and she is okay with me living on my own and she will help me as long as i ask for it!



THey raised me better than this! Dad raised me to be better than himself! I don't understand.

He is so repetative and I understand why he thinks I am mentally 15, because he talks to me like I am, actually he acts like an 18 year old nerd! It's driving me crazy!

Anyways! My living situation isn't always bad, until i try to discuss making my own desision on something, then it's different from dad's oppion and I get shut down again. He wont even consider what I have to say.

This is nothing new I know, but I just wish I had the strength for compromise or to overthrow his ruling, and I don't even fucken live with him, but him and my aunt are working together to punish me, they say I have my whole life ahead of me and all i have to worry about now is college.



I don't 100% agree with that, but whatever! If I go to college, home with not change, it'll be even harder, dad will be over my shoulder, shouting at me, keeping me up all night, and cussing me out some more just like it was in high school, I can't go through that again, I did it when i was a kid, but never never again!



And he wonders why I am not looking forward to college, what a jerk!

And then my aunt is so fucken awkward, and I don't do enough of this or that! I know she wants what's best for me, but its hard because what she thinks is best for, the way she goes about it just hurts me, I am tired of being forced and blackmailed into everything in that fucken household, I need to take a stand! I just need to figure out how!



Anyways! I'm done bleeding out my frusteration for now.lol. Goodnight.