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Joyful.



My Chronic Fatigue is out of remission. I have been having to take naps during the day again. Generally, only lasting 4 hours, once I wake up, then go and take a nap, anywhere from 2 to 4 hours. Makes for a very short day.



First, you get real tired, like you need to go to sleep. If I ignore it, I will start getting nauseous. Eventually I will get to the point, of just falling asleep where I am, even if its not on a bed. LordV can tell you...he has walked out of the room and come back a couple minutes later, only to find me totally asleep. I can only hope that my MS doesn't follow.



Keep your fingers crossed.

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Morrigon
01:52 Nov 29 2008

I hope for that too... That sounds really tough :(

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Cheetahcry
02:30 Nov 29 2008

fingers crossed and you are in my thoughts in hopes of the MS not coming back. Hugs hun

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RedQueen
02:00 Nov 30 2008

*crossing everything available*



Hope you get better sugar, at least as well as you can be.



*hugs*



thinking of you always

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Kitsuna
05:29 Nov 30 2008

Fingers, toes and legs.



Hope you feel better and that the MS just fades... away. :)

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Vampirewitch39
15:26 Nov 30 2008

O.O You better not wear yourself out making cookies dang it. I mean it- you rest.



*rat crosses fingers, arms, tries the legs and falls over to her side...and gets them crossed finally*



Got it!

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Ok...the joys of hormonal imbalance and infertility.



Lets see. When I was 15, I was put on birth control pills to help with the horrendous cramps that I dealt with every month. Not long after that, I gained a bunch of weight. Everybody knows what that does, in High school.



The doctors checked my bloodwork and said that my thyroid was "borderline" and not enough to medicate. Riiggghhhtt. As I grew up, I continued to fight the weight battle, fatigue, hair loss, brittle nails...all symptoms of a thyroid that wasn't working. I finally went into the doctor and demanded the thyroid medicine. I was 30.



During this time, I was trying to get pregnant with my 2nd husband. I was told that I shouldn’t get pregnant, due to having MS and Chronic Fatigue. That I was too old to get pregnant. That I had Endometriosis and Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.



Well, I checked the symptoms for Endometriosis....the only symptom I have....is infertility. PCOS…well I have a couple of the symptoms.



Irregular or No Menstruation – nope I menstruate every month.

Excess Hair - Ummm no, I don’t shave my face, chest or ears.

Enlarged Ovaries with Multiple Cysts – Clean OBGYN visits.

Obesity – Well thanks to the thyroid problem, I am overweight.

Skin tags - None.

Diabetes - Checked and no.

High blood pressure – Nope, last doctors visit 96/64.

High Cholesterol – Not too high, 206 last checked. 200 is premium.

Acne – Well I have Rosacea on my face, so that is the reason for that.

Infertility - Well duh!!!



So, basically the Fertility specialist in WV told me that I wasn’t ovulating. We had taken 3 months, where I was taking my temperature every morning. It is believed that when you ovulate, your body temperature goes up. Problem is….with MS, you start to be more cold blooded. As in, you start to maintain the heat of your environment. Extreme Cold and Extreme Heat effect people with MS. If my bedroom was cold when I woke up and took my temp, my body temp would be down. Hell my normal body temp is 96.8O F Eventually, I went to the store and got the ovulation kits. Enough for a whole month. Guess what. NOTHING.



So, my diagnosis is….simply. Lack of Ovulation, due to excessive hormone imbalance between the long term birth control and hypothyroid damage.



GOOD NEWS!!!! Hormones can be fixed. I am on 100 mgs of thyroxin, to get my thyroid back to where it is suppose to be. I am on folic acid and pre natal vitamins to put my body in the best place nutritionally to house and create a baby. Putting myself in a good nutritional place, will help me produce healthy eggs. I am asked to loose about 30 lbs, to start, before they put me on a wonderful drug called Clomid. Clomid will kick start my ovulation, by giving me a hormonal kick in the ass and force eggs out of my ovaries.



There is a danger to having twins with this drug, but it is minimal. Then again, the older you get, the more likely you will have twins, plus I am carrying the gene for twins in my family. Oh well, more the merrier.



In January, I go to the Fertility Specialists here in WA. I want complete blood tests, to make sure that everything is ok. I want an ultrasound to verify that my fallopian tubes are open and clear, that I don’t have any cysts or blockages.



Ok, I’m ready, or working at getting ready. All the while, I am hopeful, I have times that I break down in tears at the thought of not having a baby of my own. The frustration of something as simple as Birth Control pills, stealing that from me…..well….I can’t fathom that. I can't put words to that feeling of loss.



Anyone else out there, going through this hell? I see a lot of VR babies out there and I am so damn jealous of people that are pregnant. I cried when I was reading a book that spoke of how it feels, to have a life growing inside you. Will I ever feel that? Is there anything else that can be done, that I’m not already doing? Please help me out. I want my own little miracle.

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xxEmaeraldxx
19:59 Nov 25 2008

I don't know if I can help you out but this little true story I am bout to tell you may give you more hope..



You sound a bit similiar to my friend Cathy.. she has Polycystic Ovaries and didn't think she stood a chance of having a family. So, she started to record temperatures etc to determine when she was ovulating. It turned out to be every 3 months and her doctor then referred her to Clomid to promote egg production during this period. Now.. thanks to the help of Clomid and perservance she has two very beautiful children, one boy and one little girl :)



I hope your quest turns out to have the same happy ending! Good luck LC :)

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Mathiaus
20:34 Nov 25 2008

I have found thru all my previous existence, anything is possible never give up hope,each day can bring you closer to your goal

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Cheetahcry
05:26 Nov 26 2008

I can't give you anything little line of hope about the Clomid but what I can offer is support on your quest to be a mother and help out with anything that I possibly can. If there is one thing that I have learned in life that is to never say never. Things have a way of happening when you least expect them to happen. So chin up and keep going *hugs* I am here 100% for you.

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Sinora
16:26 Nov 29 2008

Pat, I lady I work with has p.o. and m.s, she also has two healthy full grown children...*hugs*.

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In the past couple of weeks, my very character has been tested as a Coven Mistress. Looking around the journals, I see other Coven Master's having similar problems.



Just so you know...its a hard line to walk, to be a nurturing, caring individual and yet be hard enough to met out punishment, without reservation, without favoritism. I have a coven full of impressionable teens. I just didn't write the coven code, I truly believe in it.



I believe that kids need to be taught about a code of honor, integrity, friendship and honesty. My threads are full of "Things you learned", "Things to know" and Safety discussions, regarding the life of a teen. We talk about what is right in wrong in a friendship, about what is the right thing to do, in different situations and simply, how to deal with every day drama of being a teen. We have talked about how to have a relationship...loyalty in a relationship, inappropriate things in a relationship and simply what is right and wrong in a relationship.



As a Coven Master, you have those in your coven that you are close to, more than others. So, you have to decide, are you going to do the right thing and treat everyone equally, or are you going to give special treatment to your friends?



Its a very hard line to walk, so don't fault your House or Coven Master for being human, until you have been in the same situation.

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MBK
20:55 Nov 24 2008

Well said, LadyC!

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Xzavier
21:01 Nov 24 2008

Keep doing what you do, Love.

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mysticwinds
21:45 Nov 24 2008

You are a very intelligent person. Never let that be taken away from you!!!

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Cheetahcry
22:38 Nov 24 2008

You do the beset that you can as does everyone else that is a CM. Keep up the good work hun.

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On Thursday, I was invited to LordV's dinner party at work. We found a outfit for myself...yes its mostly black but oh well.



We arrived and the first thing they had everyone do, is stand up and introduce yourself. Since the two offices are about an hour apart, most people didn't know who was who. LordV was an IT Tech that worked in both offices. Most of you know that LordV is a very shy individual, so when it was his turn to stand up and introduce himself, I was ready for this shy guy to speak.



I was surprised when he stood up and said, "I'm ---- and I'm here," spreading his arms wide and grinning. The crowd of about 200 people cheered and started clapping. So, much for the shy guy. lol.



I got to meet his new boss and co worker, both seem nice. Several people came up to specifically say hi to me, or just to meet me.



One of the receptionist's, complimented my earings and the new shirt. I was honored, this compliment coming from a very beautiful girl.



We had a good time, okay food and kind of funny entertainment. I enjoyed the time with LordV too. We asked someone to take our picture, a professional photographer. Go figure, it didn't come out very well.

So, when we got home, we took pictures of each other.











What do you think?

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Vampirewitch39
05:22 Nov 23 2008

Sexy! And I don't just mean him. ;)

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Sinora
09:25 Nov 23 2008

LordV reminds me of someone, can't think who, and you look cool.

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Nightgame
16:06 Nov 23 2008

Oh yeah you guys looked hot :) Glad ya'll had a good time sugar.

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Cheetahcry
22:18 Nov 23 2008

Glad that you both had a good time. Both of you look really good *sighs* (for lack of better words). Hugs to you both and glad that the shy one has finally spoken. ;-)

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CelestiaNocturne
23:41 Nov 23 2008

*growls* yummy. lol.

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Cinnamon
22:14 Nov 24 2008

Your hair is getting long. You look beautiful. :) I like the earrings too. ;)

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xxEmaeraldxx
20:02 Nov 25 2008

You two look hunkalicious! and really American, teehee love the cowboy hat Lord V!

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So tell me....



How many chances do I give someone, that has proven themselves as manipulative and destructive? Not only to themselves but to all that they come in contact with.



How do I handle someone, that tells me her problems in one breath and then in the next, tells me that she has targeted friends of mine, coven members of mine, to manipulate and "play with"? How do I handle a someone, that admittedly, loves to trap older men to play with them and ruin their reputation.



I did vow to keep my members safe and to take in troubled teens...but what do I do, when I am faced with a troubled teen that is more dangerous to my coven, then those outside our walls.



The code of honor for my coven, includes simple rules. Honor, honesty, loyalty, integrity and friendship. Do I ignore those rules for one person, be it a Coven Head...or a young member?



Do you know how hard it is to balance all of those and be true to yourself and what you want for your coven?





*sighs*

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Nightgame
15:26 Nov 15 2008

*hugs* You do what your honor demands even when it hurts your heart.

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CelestiaNocturne
16:28 Nov 15 2008

Agreed. The Right thing to do is most often not the Easiest.

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Cheetahcry
03:48 Nov 16 2008

*hugs* Agreed you do what your honor says to do hun. Sometimes we are faced with the hardest challenges of our lives and this is yours. You know in your heart what is right. And sometimes no matter how hard we try to help some just do not want that help........

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xxEmaeraldxx
23:11 Nov 16 2008

I think you answered your own question inbetween the lines in the first paragraph LC, and it is my thoughts, from that paragraph it is obvious to the reader what the answer is. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in the problem we can't see the obvious answer... I'm with Nightgame and the others on this :)

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I have been seeing in alot of journal entries, asking someone to say the "3 little words" or to prove their love, in some other way other than those words.



Well Girls, I will tell you from the benefit of my experience.



If you don't feel the love coming from every action, every look, every spoken word, then how is someone to prove themselves?



In the past, I have pushed for those "I love you's", for the flowers and actions to make me feel special, pushed even for weddings. Look where it got me, abused and divorced, twice.



I am now in a relationship where going into it, my expectations were low. I admit that I was partly at fault for my failed marriages and vowed with this relationship, I would not push, I wouldn't ask for what I wanted, just to see if my basic needs were met.



I have a man that will hug and touch me every day. We start the day off with snuggling before he gets ready for work. Before he leaves, he sits down on the bed, kisses me oh so tenderly and whispers, "I love you." Occasionally he will bring home flowers, "just because." We have several songs between us, that were dedicated to each other, throughout the relationship. To his first dedication, "To Be with You" by Mr. Big. A song about someone that has been through hell in a previous relationship...and the promise of a better one. To the last one, "Just Got Stated Lovin' You" by James Otto.



Sorry folks. You can't demand that a man do these things, you can't demand that he romantic, you can't expect him to do all this and them love him.



Trust me, asking for someone to give you what you feel you need, ends in disaster. The best relationship, is when someone fills your every need, Volunteerly. Without being asked. Only then can you truly say....you are loved.

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cadrewolf
19:06 Nov 13 2008

Amen love comes from the feeling of within, not 3 words our society dictates as love.

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ladySnowStrixx
21:09 Nov 13 2008

Ok are we sisters or something ,because girl we have gone through the same shit and I also found the right guy been together for 7 years and married on Oct 31 for 3 years good luck with your love , and I agree with everything you said, we have a saying that goes what you can not find in yourself you will not fine without.

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Cheetahcry
22:08 Nov 13 2008

OK....well hun you know my end of this one. I have been there on that one acouple of times myself and I can completely agree with you. Well lets say.....awww never mind you know what I mean. Hugs.

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CelestiaNocturne
22:57 Nov 13 2008

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."



Im not Christian but I think this sums it up.

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Vampirewitch39
23:48 Nov 13 2008

*stands and claps* If only you could make people understand this. :)

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RedQueen
16:54 Nov 14 2008

Ditto- and well you know it too. I swear, you and the girls are so close to me it is scary...lol



Also, I would add, that signs of love come in a hundred different ways- instead if trying to force your idea onto someone, accept what they have to offer. Scott's way sometimes is to do the silliest things he can think of to make me smile- becaue he knows how little of that I did before I got out of my last marriage.



Bravo, girlfriend- well done

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LordV walked in from work today, extremely pissed off. He looked at me and said, "Thank god you aren't blonde."



I said, "Why?"



"Because this way I won't insult you when I bitch about idiotic blonde nitwit."





Apparently he was sitting at a left hand turn lane, a red light. Car in front of him was stopped, he was stopped and the Jeep behind him was stopped. Light turned green and the Jeep behind him, floored it and rear ended him. She was blonde. He was fine, minimal damage to his car. Just frustrating.

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Kitsuna
05:01 Nov 13 2008

W.o.W. Glad to hear he's okay.

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Nightgame
17:50 Nov 13 2008

Damn I'm glad I dyed my hair dark o-0 I hate idiotic drivers.

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xxEmaeraldxx
23:16 Nov 16 2008

Oops, I am a blonde..but I am an Irish blonde... we just drive donkeys over here and bite the one in front of us on the ass!



I am happy LordV was okay! thank goodness for that, but he could of done without all that trouble..

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HINTS ABOUT CODING ON SCI FI SECTION....



With the Launch of the Sci Fi section of the Dark Network, I have a whole new CSS and HTML to learn.



So far what I have learned....



First...If you opened a group on the Sci Fi section, right now Style sheets don't work. They will be stripped if you put one into a Group page or the setup area..



If you wish to have a background on a Group page or Main page of your group, you have to use the Basic Member background table code.

You can use basci HTML in your Group pages.



The coding will take some getting use to but give it time....



Please note that you can change your CSS on your Sci Fi profile and it will not effect your CSS on your Vampire Rave profile.



The Sci Fi profile has a built in CSS creator....when using that, remember transparent is considered a valid color code. So if you want a background transparent.....type in Transparent in the box.



Well, I am doing my best to learn things as quick as possible. I will pass on what I know, when I learn them.

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Cheetahcry
05:39 Nov 10 2008

Thanks for posting. I will have to learn some more coding to get it right but all of us will get it. :)

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LordV and I sat down and voted with our mail in ballots (which is how Washington does most of its voting) on Sunday.



LordV had gone through the booklet...and put a check mark next to his choices....Then I went through and did the same. Some matched, some didn't. We discussed the ones that didn't match and some were simply due to the what the person had stated in this booklet.



Some attacked their opposition, which sent us to check to see if any of the allegations were true. Some didn't tell us what they could do for us in the future, but what they had done in the past....in a totally different field.



As for presidental race...we spoke about all the issues and how each candidate wanted to handle it.



But it came down to simply experience. No matter if Obama could talk like JFK, be compared to Lincoln, or be praised as the next MLK. I saw show, I saw someone giving vague answers to questions. So I thought about it. With a war commensing, I prefer to have someone that was in the military and won't have to have things explained to him. I prefer to have someone that knows all the reprocussions, not just aware of what others tell them.



With the economy the way it is....truthfully I prefer to have Mitt Romney in the white house. His track record is impeccable. He has time and time again, gone into companies and turned them from being in the red, to being in the black. He has created health care for his state, that every person in his state is covered. Talk about experience......why wasn't he allowed? From what most people say? Because he was Mormon.



Imagesinwords, spoke in her journal about racism due to Obama being black. What about Racism of another religion? Mitt Romney was the first to have his whole state covered medically. He has a track record for pulling a business that is floundering, into the black with money to spare. He did this with the Olympics, which very few Olympics have comeout in the black....making a profit.



This great land of ours, has a long way to go. We still have racism, of blacks, of whites, of chinese, of Middle eastern people.....but even worse, we still have racism of religion.



Pagans, Wiccans and Druids are all evil, due to that is what the catholics wanted everyone to believe. I have had Baptists tell me that I will never be allowed in Heaven, due to my being a daughter of Eve. The only way to be allowed in Heaven, would be to be saved, for sins I didn't commit. I have had a Jehovia's Witness, ask me what number I was, because there is apparently limited seating in Heaven and its only allowed to those most devout. I have been told that my marriage failed, simply because I didn't believe in "his" religion. Sorry but a hypocritic Catholic, no I don't.



My belief is simple. I believe I was put here to learn, to guide and to be guided in my life. If I go through life learning, without harming someone, but by helping those in need, when I can, then I will be allowed into Heaven. Simply belief. Every religion out there can tell me I'm wrong, but....isn't that the basis of racism?

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imagesinwords
22:02 Nov 04 2008

Judging by religion is very much like judging by the color of skin... and that is also why I do not want Palin in office. She is a VERY conservative, fundamentalist Christian who's said things that scare me for people of other belief systems.



Now, if the other issues are worth more, you have to go with your gut. But know Obama will not be alone in office, he'll have Biden, and many other people that have been doing this for a long, long time.

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Kontradiction
22:11 Nov 04 2008

i agree with Images, this is why i chose Obama.



the issues and the issues only.

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Joli
01:26 Nov 10 2008

I applaud your careful thinking-through and your exercising civic responsibility. This is your journal for recording your own thoughts and reasons, and they are as valid as anyone's.

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