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5 entries this month
Damn Empathy23:50 Aug 30 2007
Times Read: 763
When i am close to people I can usually know when they are hurting, or when they are feeling. The other night at dinner, I thought of a friend of mine on here. I can't describe it, just thought of him and for some reason thought of internal injuries. When his girl started asking me if i had heard from him...i got worried and called. He told me how he was sick, vomiting....I told him to go to the doctor...today....NOW...
He went and he had internal injuries due to wrestling that weekend. I hate it when I'm right.
Is it possible??? Did I truly find my Prince Charming?08:08 Aug 16 2007
Times Read: 799
I am sitting here in my new condo, with a new name, new life and new love. I have always been a romantic at heart but due to my tomboy tendencies, I never saw romance. Until I met Vlkodlak.
After both our relationships fell apart, we tried to help each other stand once again. We were best friends online, but we had never met. So, when we realized that our feelings had changed and gone deeper, we decided it was time we met. In one of our conversations, V mentioned that he had never gotten flowers. It was corny, he said but he liked the idea. So, when he flew from Washington state to NY to meet me for the first time, I had a red rose waiting for him. That seemed to spark his romantic side back to life, since he was certain that his ex had killed it.
In the next week, he did things for me. Such as taking the dogs out, cooking me dinner, taking me out to dinner, giving me massages and of course the old fashion, giving me flowers. He sang to me, danced with me and dedicated several songs in his myspace to me. I was flabbergasted. I loved being loved like this but with the two destroyed marriages behind me, I figured I just wasn’t the type to ever be romanced. I guess I was wrong.
To find a guy that goes grocery shopping with you and starts singing along with the songs on the radio in the middle of the produce isle, I can only sit here with my jaw on the floor. Having someone sing to you, Glory of love and You’re the inspiration, all the while, hugging or touching you. It brought tears to my eyes because I truly felt the love in those words.
You have to understand I was a silly teenager that longed to find someone that would dedicate a song to me, on the radio, or sing to me, or state this song is ours. To dance with me and not be embarrassed, to hold my hand with pride and ultimately love. Until I met V, I never had it. Instantly I was back at being a teenager and looking at him with lovestruck eyes.
I had someone come up to me, a 14 year old and tell me she has had her heart broken 9 times and she is giving up on love. I tried to explain what I was feeling and try to pass on some wisdom. I told her simply that yes your heart has to get bruised and broken several times during your lifetime. It is the only way that you will know when you have the right person in your life for you.
I have gone through 2 marriages and I know what I don’t want. I don’t want someone that is going to take advantage of my generosity and big heart. When I clean the home, do the laundry or make dinner, its part of how I take care of the person I love. That is part of how I show my love. When it becomes expected and taken for granted, then there is something wrong. Being disabled, I had to overcome the fact that I can’t do the job I love and was born to, ever again. I am an empath with a slight healing touch, or technically I don’t heal, I can take the pain onto myself. Both emotionally and physically. Hence why when someone comes to me with a problem, they come away feeling lighthearted and better about the problem usually. I had to come to terms with not being an EMT or ever becoming a Physician’s Assistant or Nurse Practionioner.
I use to take pride in my being an EMT, because I was good at my job and that pride became part of my personality. Being an EMT became part of my personality. When I was diagnosed with MS, I had to stop and that crushed me. I had to rebuild myself. So, I took pride in the things that I could do, such as cooking and cleaning and taking care of my husband. All I was looking for from him was the acknowledgement that I did something for him. But I never got it. When I was having an MS attack, he wondered why the house was a pigsty, laundry wasn’t done and his dinner wasn’t ready. It was then I realized that he was using me and what little money the federal government gave me.
To have V sit down and eat whatever I make without complaint, is surprising. To learn he likes some of the things I make, floors me. I was told for the longest time that I wasn’t any good at cooking and most the time, my ex would just push the plate away and tell me he was going to get McD’s instead of eating my food.
To have V tell me simply thank you, for doing his laundry, or even better, actually help me finish it. I am in awww. To ask V to unload the dishwasher for me and turn around and find that he has unloaded it and loaded it and cleaned the rest of the kitchen. I truly can’t believe it. To have someone that doesn’t consider me a slave. That my only job is taking care of the house. That wants to be a true partner in this relationship, again I’m floored.
Recently, I had a scare with one of my dogs, check out the GRRR section of my journal to learn what happen. But when the vet was standing there, telling me she is going to have to have tubes and stitches. That she was full of infection, had been in pain for a week and a half and that she was lucky it didn’t go into blood poisoning. That basically my dog could have died. I stood there, in tears. V came up behind me and put his arms around me, eventually turning me into his chest and holding me as I cried. He knew I was in tears not only for the pain my poor dog was going through but the guilt I felt, for leaving my dogs with a person who didn’t care for them.
The other night I was laying on the bed, looking over the end of it, down at my dogs. I wasn’t wearing anything since it was so hot. So there I lay, petting my dogs and talking to them when he lays down naked on my back. He covered my back and shoulders with kisses. Gently massaged my arms and back. I won’t go into details but to have someone start doing that to you, gently caressing, kissing, nibbling and biting, just to get you aroused. Well it was definitely a wonderful way to end the day. lol.
What can I say, I struck gold. V is everything anyone could ever want. He is romantic, supportive, responsible and domesticated lol. I feel like I am in a partnership, a relationship. In my marriages, I felt like I was a second class citizen and since I didn’t work, I lost all my IQ points.
I sent this to V, when we were first exploring the relationship. I think it says it all.
Could You Be The One For Me?
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be my find?
Could it be, after all this time,
Fate is going to be kind?
Could you be the one for me,
The one to help me forget
The man that broke my heart, my soul
The man that haunts me yet?
You tell me that I'm beautiful
Something I've never heard
But the one still lives here in my mind
That couldn't spare a kind word
It's going to be hard to forget
And pick up the pieces he left
Could you be the one to teach
How to love again and forget?
Could you be the one to come
And mend my broken heart?
Are you willing to piece together
What another broke apart?
What was once so soft
Is now shut, locked, and tough
But I can feel my heart open again
It's opening for you
Just come in, and love me back
That's all you have to do
I must ask you one small thing
Before we kiss and part
Please be nice and kind to me
I'm tired of broken hearts
Thank you for loving me V, for proving to me that there are wonderful, supportive men in this world. I love you dearly for the man that you are and for being here with me, as we explore this relationship to its depths. I hope I am surprising you as much as you are surprising me. I hope I never disappoint you and I hope our lives are filled with laughter again and again.
I love you, V.
Semi confused, Semi Rant21:45 Aug 02 2007
Times Read: 818
I got online today to like 12 Master Messages regarding how they are going to do trades. Some stating that they won't do a trade unless they (the Master/mistress of the coven) is approached first. That they won't deal with Assistant Coven masters.
I have a trade page up and I have described the requirements that I want in a trade. Mainly that if you want to be traded you discuss it with your Coven Master or assists first...
Here is how my coven works:
Coven Assistant Master Vlkodlak is my boyfriend, my live in boyfriend. I see him as my equal and I trust him. I trust his judgment. If you think he is going to do something that I don't know about, think again.
Coven Assistant Master Hellsguardian69 is my best friend. Again, I trust him and his judgment. He calls me every day, several times a day. He is in charge of security in the coven, so if he feel someone needs to go....they go. If he feels that someone will be a danger to my coven, he tells me.
I make no decisions without these two. Its not because I'm a weak Master, its because this coven was created with the ideas and visions from all three of us. Its insulting to them if I overrule them. Unless its a gut feeling thing that just doesn't sit right with me and usually they will understand those gut feelings and back me up.
I trust them, hence so should you. When they say, Chordewa says....well its probably because they are talking to me right then on the phone or in the same room.
If you don't trust them, if you won't deal with them. Then you don't deal with OUR coven. They are an extension of me. If you can't figure that out, or deal with it. Then we don't need to deal with you.
WE ARE IN!!!!18:55 Aug 02 2007
Times Read: 823
Well we are in our condo. Rental Agreements are signed and we spent the night over there. It will be awhile until we get internet but oh well. Go to my Portfolio to see pics of the place.
Greetings August
18:53 Aug 02 2007
Times Read: 825
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