The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

For all of us who have ever known a guy like this or just find this amusing.



FARTING - How come it's cool for you to do it and

disgusting if we do it. And must you lift your

leg?



JOCK-ITCH - Get help! Do you see us scratch?

We don't want to see you scratch either.



PORNOS - Why do you want to see other guys

getting what you can't.

By the way, it's not good for our skin.



PICK UP LINES - Not!



DOUBLE STANDARDS - If you can do it, why the hell

can't we?



HONESTY - Learn the concept. It is a good thing.



SENSITIVITY - Get some!!!!



DEODORANT - It's only small change at the corner

store. Buy it.



LOCKER ROOMS - Hello.....air freshner.



HEADS - We know you have two. Keep one in your

pants and get the other out of your ass.



You can't beat up everyone who looks at us.



Being drunk is not an excuse to sleep with any

thing on legs.



Believe me, sex is NOT number one and you are NOT

number one at it.



Why must you tell ALL of your friends about

everything you do with a girl? They all had the

same DREAM last night anyway.



Do not blame everything we do on P.M.S. You

should be glad we're not pregnant.



Try matching your maturity level to your age.



We are NOT objects. We have feelings, thoughts

and ideas. We can even form words like "FUCK

YOU!!!"



There is more to life than playing cards and

video games - How old are you??



Why do we have to look good and you can look like

shit?



Can we eat like humans - utensils were made

especially for this purpose. Ever heard of

knives, forks, and spoons? How about napkins?

(This does not include shirt sleeves.)



BIRTHDAYS - If you can remember the size of your

cock to the exact millimeter, then you can

remember our birthday.



Rulers were not made to measure your genitalia.

They were not made that small. Why measure it

anyway? There will always be someone bigger and

believe me, we can find him.



Romance is not three seconds of sweat and nothing

and then rolling over and going to sleep.



The one thing you are good for, you are not good

at!



Remember Meg Ryan's famous 'faking an orgasm

scene'? Sound familiar?



When we say we're lost without you, we're

probably high.



When you screw up, a rose would suffice, but if

it's not too much trouble, a dozen would be

nice.



WANDERING EYES - We know you look. Try not to

make it so obvious.



GET A CLUE! - When we say "HARDER!, FASTER!"

we're not referring to your breathing pattern.



To the FEW nice guys who don't apply to these

statements and never get the time of day,

here's a note of hope.....WE'LL WISE UP SOONER OR

LATER AND YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE. HANG IN THERE.



--

Witch, n. (1) An ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.





Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.





Q. What's the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.





Q. What's the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.





Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.





Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.





Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it.





Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.





Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.





Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.





Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?

A. About three inches.





Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?

A. For traction in the mud.





Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.





Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.





Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.





Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 pounds.





Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.





Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.





Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

A. The swallow.





Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.





Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A. They don't have balls to scratch.

Wolves have been long regarded by Native Americans as teachers or pathfinders. Wolves are fiercely loyal to their mates, and have a strong sense of family while maintaining individualism. In the stars, Wolf is represented by the Dog, Sirius, thought by many aboriginal tribes to be the home of the Ancients.



Wolves are probably the most misunderstood of wild animals. Tales of cold-bloodedness abound, in spite of their friendly, social and intelligent traits. They are truly free spirits, even though their packs are highly organized. They seem to go out of their way to avoid a fight. One is rarely necessary when a shift in posture, a growl, or a glance gets the point across quite readily. Traditionally, someone with Wolf Medicine has a strong sense of self, and communicates well through subtle changes in voice inflection and body movements. They often find new solutions to problems while providing stability and support that one normally associates with a family structure. Wolf's medicine includes facing the end of one's cycle with dignity and courage, death and rebirth, Spirit teaching, guidance in dreams and meditations, instinct linked with intelligence, social and family values, outwitting enemies, ability to pass unseen, steadfastness, skill in protection of self and family, taking advantage of change.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



If you have Wolf Medicine...you will know this in your heart of hearts. With the power of Wolf, you will have the ability to share your personal medicine with others. Your Spiritual connection to the great Mystery will be strong. As you step into a Higher Consciousness and share your truths, you will feel the Wolf stirring inside and the power that this Medicine brings. As a chosen member of Wolf Clan, you have been honored with the responsibility of sharing knowledge that will help others to better understand themselves and their uniqueness.

It is the Medicine of the Wolf that will gently awaken the masses from a long and deep slumber so that they may recognize who they are and take their rightful place as heir to all that IS.



This Earth Walk is a chosen honor...for those who have traveled from the Great Star Nation to help these younger souls rouse and begin the journey home.



The Grandfather is waiting.......