The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

So, normally somethings are best left unsaid.. Yes. Yet, lately, I'm not going to even lie. Who am I kidding? I can't hide the fact that I am 2yrs into a marriage and I am far from happy. Its been a whirlwind of the marriage. I can't seemed to find that mental and emotional stability that I need. Am I regretting this marriage? Yes. Sad to say. Its gotten to the point where I'm constantly drained. Mentally and emotionally and I'm hanging on by a thread at this point. I'm out of therapy until next year...When my new insurance plan kicks in. I can't wait to go back. I miss my therapist. I've had other outlets since I don't go, but man, its been crazy. Its been hard. He's so overly emotional. Anything sets him off. His gamer rage scares the shit out of me....Its just a multitude of things. His moods switch like mine do when I'm on my period. I'm at a loss as to what to do. My meds only help me for so long.

I'm going to be honest, its been hard trying not to go down that dark rabbit hole again. I want to so badly, but I know if I do that, there would be people lined up, wanting to kick my husband's ass. We did have a long talk last night, and I refused to even cuddle into him while we talked. He knows he needs help....There is also that fear of him taking his gamer rage out on me or even any type of anger. I've seen his anger, even without gaming. He's taken his rage out on me once. That was enough for me to recoil and shutdown as well.

I did try playing D&D and Magic the gathering last night. Neither was happening due to the amount of people. It was so loud..overwhelming I ended up going home...even my anxiety has gotten worse....ugh

I know for a fact, this month hasn't been easy. With Freya passing and my boss leaving, its been hell. I've had a harder time with being myself, even with being on my meds. I chalked it up to being stressed out and not being able to relax as much either. Just for once, I would love to have a day, no gamer rage, emotional break downs...no more hanging by a thread....