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The Dark Side of Love
20:42 Jul 13 2008
Times Read: 566






Nicole's mom had called me asking me to come over and help with Amara. She was freaking out on the phone saying that Amara hadn't left her room in 4 day, that she refuses to eat, sleep, or bathe, and that she wouldn't talk to anyone.

I'd know Amara for years so when her mom called me crying saying all this crazy stuff I fet bad for her but I figured her and Amara had just gottin into some kind of fight. Still the way Amara mom had been talking so full of fear had given me chills.

So the next morning I left about an hour early to work and stopped by Amara's place. When Her mom opened the door a look of pure relife swept over her face. But in her eyes was a look of despair. Boke deep chilling despair. It scared the crap out of me. I laughed uneasily when she lead me throw there large house to Amara's room.

When I entered Amara's room I couldn't see anything except a strip of wall inuminated by the light coming in throw the open door. It was jet black in there. The curtins were closed and blackets covered those throwing the whole room in shadows. There was no light on and it seemed like no one was in there.

"close the door" said a whispery papaer thin vioce from the farthest corner of the room.

I closed the door and stepped further into the room closer to the corner where the vioce had come from. As my eyes started to ajust to near no light I could see a shape huddled up against the wall. It looked like a shivering lump if blankets.

"Amara?"

"Go away" came the wispery voice again. The vioce sounded like it belonged to a dead person, frail and weak. It gave me chills.

Not being able to stand not being able to see anything I walked over to the door again and flicked on the light. As I did so I heared a hissing sound and turned to see a very diffrent Amara then the one I was used to huddled in the furthest corner of her bed, currled up in blankets, her beautiful long black hair was lank and greasy, her noramlly smooth nice skin looked clammy and had a bluish coloring to it, the part of an arm and leg I could see looked bony and brused, and her once so captivating eyes now looked hallow and empty. I'd never seen her look like this or even close to this, it scared me.

"Amara what happend to you" I asked softly crossing the room to sit at the end of her bed

She turned away from me and stared at the wall across the room. "Go away" She whispered to the wall.

"I'm not going anywhere"I said standing up "now get up were going out'

She whipped her head around to glare at me "no" she said in a low menicing vioce that made me want to flee the room. I rubbed my arms where the gousebumps had poped up and sad back done on her bed.

"Please Amara let me help you." I said imploringly

"No one can help me" she said turning her back to me so she was facing the corner

This girl was not the girl with whom I had spent countless hours talking on the phone with, doning make overs, watching movies, and giggling with. This person was a shadow of that girl. My best friend was traped somewhere inside her, and I knew I had to save her.

I grabbed sher shoulder and turner her to face me. "How dare you treat me like this I'm you best friend not just some random person you can push around. Your mom may have given up but I'm not leaving here untill you tell me whats the matter."

She pushed me back hard, I fell flat on my back spralling on the bed. By the time I sat up she was standing by the door with her hand on the doorknob. Without the blankets wrapped around her she looked bony and too thin. She'd always been extreamly thin but this looked sick. Her skin was horrible covered in bruses in diffrent stanges of healing. Cut marks stood out starkly against the pale of her skin. They decorated the inside of her arms and a morbid design. needle marks showed on the inside of her left arm and there was a dark bruse just above the needle marks showing where she had tied herself off.

Seeing her like that sent a sharp pain throw me. I wanted to hug her to me and protect her from whatever it was that was hurting her so badly that she would do this to herself. I could feel tears welling in my eyes at seeing her like this.

"Amara please let me help you."

"I don't want your pity or your tears so just GET OUT!" Amara screamed at me bright blotches colored her cheeks.

"Why are you doing this?" I yelled back

"Because I don't need your help and i don't want it just GO AWAY."

She was hiding something. She was shaking and looking at me with fear. I felt horrible but I had to reach her. I had to do something.



I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. "no" i said quietly "I'm not leaving you"

She leaned back against the wall and slid down curling up into a ball as she went covering her face as she started to cry.

I rushed forward to her with the intent of hugging her but she pulled away from me "don't touch me" she wispered in a voice filled with pain.

"what happend Amara?" I asked kneeling down beside her

"everything" she wispered in despair. She smiled at me weakly and laughed in a sad way. "I fell in love"

I cocked my head to the side confused. falling in love was suppost to be a good thing. But Amara looked like she was wasting away before my eyes.

"I fell in love and I fell to hard and to fast..." she closed her eyes in pain "I don't want to live without him"

"Amara everything will be ok, we'll get throw this"

Her eyes flashed with anger "haven't you figured it out yet? I don't want to get throw this. I want you and everything else to just go away. Leave me to my slow death" she stood up and started to walk back to her bed.

I grabbed her and made her face me. "No I'm not letting you run from this, I'm not going to let you throw your life away over a guy that doesn't deserve you..."

"shut up" she whispered not looking at me

"i'm not going to let you hide in here..."

"shut up" she saind again her vouce gaining strength

"wasting away into nothingness..."

"shut up" she said louder

"because some guy broke your heart"

"SHUT UP" she screamed pushing me hard against the wall knocking the wind out of me. "You have no idea what i'm going throw. You have no idea whats it's like to love a man with your whole being and to be just thrown away. Tossed aside like so much trash. And even with all that if he gave me half a chance I'd go run back to him because i still love him with everything i am. I love him. And a life without him is pointless" she said walking to her door again and opening the door "And now you can leave."

"I'm not leaving" I said walking closer to her

"you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved" Amara said looking at me really looking at me for the first time since I got here and I realized she had to save herself this time. There was nothing I could do to make her see she is truely an amazing person with so much to give the world. And that no man no matter how great they maybe should be alowed to take her life away from her. So nodding slightly to her I walked to the door.

"your right I can't save you, you have to save yourself" And as I walked away I knewn i was leaving Amara to her fate and good or bad I couldn't keep trying to save some one who didn't want to be saved. She would jsut have to find her own way.

A Not So Happy Ending
05:48 Jul 13 2008
Times Read: 571






It was an average day. i didn't think it was special in any way. For me it was a good day because today was game day and between work and school it was the only day I really got to have pure fun. Also I got to see him. His name was Dana. I was in love with him. I felt like my only reson to be alive was to be around him and try to get him to see me as someone diffrent then the little girl he knew wial i was growing up.

So any way it was an average day i was hanging out with the guys Dana was sitting next to me explaining somthing out of the book wial his brother Dan was telling me something about where she came from. We were talking when Josh heared the phone ringing. He checked the caller ID and tossed the phone over my head to Dana "Its your wife Dana."



I froze in mid sentance wial talking to Dan. I knew Dan was looking at me like I was crazy but I couldn't seem to pull my brain together. I was stuck.For the rest of the night I was in a state of shock. I'd known this guy for years and had never known he was married. He didn't wear a ring. Neather did she.

I was crushed. I was acually happy when game ended so I could just go home an cry. The ride home was horrible. He decided to ride with josh, my brother and I to my house and being so near to him was painful.



I spent the next week holed up at home. I didn't leave the house, return calls or do anything else. All I did was sit in my room with the stario turned up high crying and writing in my diary feeling stupid and sorry for myself. I blamed myself. It had to my fault right? I was the one that fell for him.

It was the 5th day alone in my room that my mom made me take a shower, get dressed and go to school.

It was summer but i was taking a few independent study corses to catch up. I was cutting throw main campus leaving the isp office when I saw this guy that looked kinda familier. I looked at him trying to place him when I realize with a jolt who it was. Skylar my first love and my first broken heart.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. It wasn't fair. Life is crule. I couldn't deal with him now. I turned around and tried to pretend like I hadn't seen him and started to walk away when I felt a hand on my sholder. I turned around and looked up into his smiling green eyes that made my heart ache.

What he realized I was on the verge of crying he stepped back looked puzzled for a second before pulling me to him and hugging me tightly.



"Aria what has happend to you?" he asked rubbing my back lightly the way he used to when I came to him upset.

"everything" i said pulling away from him "I can't do this right now" i said wipping my eyes angerily

"Aria I'm not leaving. I came back for you and I'm not leaving."

I turned and started walking away mad. "oh so now you want me back? What about when you broke my heart and left me here to pick up the peices wial you went off with whats her name?"

He grabbed my wrist and made me face him. he looked frusterated and angry. "I love you Aria. I loved you then but it scared me. But I'm ready now Aria. I'm not scared anymore. Will you give me another chance?"

"I don't know. I don't even know you anymore" I said shaking my head wondering how my life could get anymore tangled up.

"ok then we'll get to know eachother again" he said smiling now taking my hand and leading me to the parking lot. "where are you going?"

"no where really" i say fallowing him meekly feeling emotional drained.

I didn't love him anymore and I knew it. I hadn't loved him for years now. but being with him on familier ground was comforting. I wanted to just stay here safe with him. As I sat in the car wial he drove talking the whole way to one of our old spots I felt a kind of relife. I was safe, he was safe. I could just stay here and not get hurt. I may even come to love him again. I knew I was fooling myself in a small way but I wanted so bad not to be sad and broken anymore that I didn't care.

It was getting late when my cell phone rang. I didn't reconize the number but awnsered it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Aria?" Josh asked

"Whats up Josh?"

"Are you planing on coming to Game it's getting kind of late."

"Josh I'm so sorry I forgot. I kind of have some one with me though."

"Bring him its no big deal."

"ok we'll be there soon bye" Im flicked the phone shut and looked at Sky smiling "want to go to game with me?"

He grimpsed like in pain "do I have to?"

"yes" i said laughing

"Ok" he said smiling

We drove to Game in silence my mind going to fast to talk even if Sky had felt like talking. At the door I knocked too loudly and stood there looking around nerviously. Sky started to whisper something in my ear when Dana opened the door. He stared for a moment before turning around quickly and stalked off to the balcony to have a ciggerette. I showed Sky where to sit befor fallowing him out.

"who's the guy."

"no one just a guy"

"didn't look like just a guy to me" he said angrily flicking ash over the rail

I turned and glared at him angry "so what if he isn't whats it to you?"

He glared hard at me, flicked his butt over the rail, then went back inside blowing past Josh to do so.

I turned around and leaned far over the rail feeling on the verge of tears.

"are you ok" josh asked speaking softly

"I don't even know why he's upset" I sobbed feeling the fresh tears running trails down my cheeks

he smiled indulgently "the seem reson your so upset Aria."

I turned to face him quickly "but he's married. he has no right"

"do you love that guy you brought." he asked handing me a tissuse

"not in a long time" i say wiping my face and glancing back inside to see the two of them glaring daggers at eachother. "what do i do Josh?" i asked looking at him imploringly

"What do you want Aria?"

"the one thing I can't have" i said sadly "I guess everything ends tonight" I said heavaly going back inside.

Game was a conflice between Dana and I. He kept pushing me and I pushed back. we pushed thinks to the breaking point. Challenging eachother and putting the party in danger because of it. I was angry. I wanted so much to just be able to go back a few monthes and not start hanging out with these guys. I wanted to know how I didn't know he was married.

When Game ended I was relived. I packed my stuff quickly and was heading to the door with Sky in tow when dana called out to us.

"hey can I get a ride?"

"sure" Sky said before I could say no.

The drive home was tence. Skylar and Dana talked like they had known eachother for years. trading barbs here and there. when we got to Dana's place he said he had a book inside I needed so why not walkto the apartment with him. I knew it was a ploy but didn't really care. I got out of the car and fallowed a few paces behind him. We stopped when we rounded a corner and could no longer be seen by Skylar.

"So did you plan that little stunt?" he asked mildly

"No but it couldn't have worked better if I had" i said venomisly

"Aria what is your"

I cut him off quickly "Just go home to your wife Dana"

"you know?"

"yeah since she called"

"Aria" he looked lost and unsure

"It wasn't just me was it. It wasn't all in my head"

He smiled his goofy smile and kissed me. It was the kind of kiss that starts wars and brings proud men to there knees. It was the kind of kiss ever girl reads about but never experiances. It's the kind of kiss you share with a soul mate.

"Sorry" he said smiling lightly "I just had to know"

I looked at him confused "know what?"

"What it's like to kiss your soul mate"

I started to cry again knowning that the one person that was perfect for me would never be mine.

"I'm so sorry Aria, I'm sorry" He said hugging me

I pulled away from him and smiled weakly. "well we never get anything right the first time so maybe someday well get this right." i said know it might just be faulst hope but some kind of hope was better then nothing.

"someday" he whispered

"someday" i wispered back before walking into the dark alone.