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Yesterday during meeting with the school, I had a break down and kept crying, for the first time I told someone everything that is going wrong in my life. She had us go the the ER and have me talk to someone, cause I told her that I thought about hurting myself, knowing its the wrong thing to think of. I even cried more when telling the social worker about Terri's (Slaughterxxx) death, I'm now realizing I've hold so much in for so long. Before we left I was told that I was depressed and needed help through it *sighs* I've accepted to try and work out my depression.



I know everyone is supporting me here, but with all the stress I have, I might not be on for long periods of time. Just enough to keep up with the new members and databases, VR has hold so much sorrow for me and depression that I need to slowly get myself back. I love you all as family, so I'm grateful for your support *smiles*

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DeirdreL
17:05 Aug 19 2009

my dear sister, we are all here for you whenever you need help, please never forget that hon *hugs you*

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Kitsuna
06:36 Aug 21 2009

I'm so sorry you've got to go through all of this. I hate to hear that you're crying, or even sad. I really hope life gets easier for you and that you have the appropriate time to grieve and get things back in order again.



We're with you, Keira,



just remember,

"Call it an angel, call it a muse, call it Karma that you've got, coming to you. What's the difference? What's in a name? What matters most is never ever losing faith. 'Cuz you're gonna be alright. You're not alone, tonight."

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NartinaLeMaliki
10:41 Aug 30 2009

Keira, hun, my sweet, you know you can always come to one of us if you just need a shoulder to cry on. I wish I could turn that frown upside-down. It sucks that you have to go through this. I really want you to smile and be happy. Don't hesitate to send me a message, ever...I am always willing to listen. I hope that you find happiness soon, after all of this heart break.

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I know I have been distant from most of my old friends, plus from my sisters and brothers.... sometimes even with my husband. But I want to apologize, everyone knows my world is slowly trying to rebuild after my long time ago depression, which most of us knows what caused it to happen. I wasn't even speaking much with my friends at school, stayed out for 2 months cause it was strongly taking effect. When that happened, I shut down from everyone else, even the most important family I have gained on here in my first year.... And it took one family member to tell me that I was still cut off from her inside myself, it was the first time we talked in awhile. So, I'm building my world again, with new hopes and dreams, one strongly focused on more important things; school, my relationship, my duties to VR, and keeping in touch with old friends. If I have forgotten all of you, I'm truely sorry, and I'm back.... maybe not as the old me, but the newly reformed me.



Yet again I'm so sorry

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LadyChordewa
18:05 Aug 18 2009

*huggles* I will be here to help, when you need it hon.

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Well lets see, I have a whole check list this time let me get *digs for the list*



1. So far no one in the mentorship isn't talking, plus I did do the advice LadyC gave me and put up an Assignment, plus a Status Thread.

I'm starting to think it was a dumb idea in the first place, maybe I shouldn't have opened it. Then how am I going to run a Coven if no one even does the Assignment I put up *sighs*



2. Hopefully sis has found a job (since she doesn't want to apply for fast food places), so finally she'll be paying for half the rent.



3. Moms still seeing David and I have taken everyones advice, so shes on her own. Plus, I'm going to stop going with her on the paper route. No matter what I do to keep her awake on the route, she yells at me for no reason. *raises hands*so she crashes the car, then it won't be my fault that she did.



4. I'm starting to cry more for reasons that are killing me inside. I've told mom that if she really wanted sis to get a job she would tell her to find one or she'll be kicked out (doubt she ever will). I'm getting yelled at more about stupid things, like getting mom up, not giving my sister the computer, and the best part is I can't sleep on my sisters couch, so I'm sleeping on moms couch to get away from them.

So I've totally stopped even trying to help, cause no matter what mom yells at me and has a fit (throws things down and mumbles fiercely). Sometimes they wonder why at school (last year) I was always crying and not wanting to talk.

Been thinking about taking up Jesse's offer, shes giving me a place to stay. Though its over in the East Coast.... or maybe I'll contact Mikki and see if her father will let me stay with them. But if I stay here any longer and get everyones anger pointed at me, I'm going to do something that I know I will regret.



5. Minus all that sadness, wanted to thank Kit for helping me with my representation, its beautiful hun *smiles*. Plus, my loving husband for giving me hope and someone to turn to with all this hurt and giving me advice.

Also, LadyC thank you for your advice hun its helped some what through this.



So, thats it and I'm praying no more sadness, but we all know how my life is going. Guess the tears won't leave yet. *hugs everyone before leaving*

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Kitsuna
03:45 Aug 10 2009

You are very much welcome.



Good luck with your endeavors.

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DeirdreL
15:39 Aug 11 2009

lol not just the east coast anymore but i'm headed south. el paso, texas *smiles* and i'm going to move down there soon and get a two-bedroom and a job so if you can wait for just a few more weeks then i can pay for your plane ticket and stuff and you can live with me ^_^ *hugs* poor sis i wish i was there so you wouldn't feel so alone...

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LadyChordewa
21:19 Aug 11 2009

I often think, that being a teenager, is the hardest hardship in the world. You are stuck, in a situation, where you have no control, until you reach the magic number 18.



Don't worry, I don't have anyone talking in my mentorship, then again, most of mine are from the coven lol.



As for your mother, she needs to make mistakes herself, or else she won't learn. You know this, its just hard, because you know in the long run she will suffer.



Lastly, I was forced to do the paper route with my father, when I was your age. Except I could drive and so, he gave me part of his route. I found myself crying all the time, moody and severely depressed. I finally told my father, that I wouldn't do it anymore, because it was effecting me so bad.



Please remember, I am here for you dear and this is only a blip in the rest of your life. It will work out. * Huggles*

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Well the Panda representation has been takin *sighs*



So I'm searching for a new one, though I'm keeping the Mark of the Punk Panda...... at least its only one thing I gotta change ^_^



Thinking of maybe a guitar I have... I'll have to search more, pray I find something