Anger. Hatred. Rage. An emotion so powerful you can feel it to your core. The need to reach out and break whatever is in arms reach. The incredible urge to destroy and rend and smash everything. Everyone. The feeling in the back of your head that knows, that screams that youre wrong, that it has to stop, but you cant. You cant stop. Not right now. Ever? Maybe. Does it matter? You trusted. You trusted one too many times and where did that get you? Right back where you started. Square fucking one. Does it matter? No. None of it ever mattered. You were alone from day one, weren’t you? You fought tooth and nail, you tried, you begged, you bargained, but it never was god enough, was it? For any of them. Your family, they didn’t want you as a kid. Now that youre older they still don’t. They have their own issues which is fanfuckingtastic aint it? Let them have their problems. At least they aren’t yours right? Just like yours aren’t theirs. Yours were never theirs. They tried to give you away. Everyone does. You know it don’t you? And they play, they pretend, oh how incredibly they act. You let them in deep into your soul and you show them almost all of you, the real parts that they can cut and tear and mince down to nothingness. And they abuse it. They twist their words, oh the words they write! Such beautiful words, with frills and lace and all of the most pretentious bullshit youve ever bought into! But lies. All of them lies. You believe it every time like a fool. And then it comes to this point where the anger consumes you. The hatred burns inside your chest until you wish to unleash a fury of maelstrom that the world has never once seen. You bare your teeth and your lips curl back and you let out a snarl but for what? Nobody is listening. And those that may hear it later are laughing inside. This is what they do. This is what people do. They build you up just to break you into the tiniest pieces they can. They rope you in towards the edge only to step to the side as you careen off the precipice. You open up to them you trust them. Your fault. Not theirs. You were stupid enough to let them in and this is what you get. Fire. Fury. Anguish. The pain of it all rips at your inner chest, you can feel the stress literally tear at your heartstrings. You can die from that, you know. The sinews can tear. Enough of them and the heart cant beat. Would it be a bad thing? To leave it behind and move on to whatever soul sucking gut wrenching experience lays beyond? If there is nothing but blackness once we cease to exist, would that be such a bad thing? The relief of no longer having to feel, to deal, to manage all of this bullshit that you are put here on this plane of existence to muddle through. Would it matter? WOULD. IT. MATTER.
No. None of it ever does. Punch your wall, scream into your pillow, take the drugs. Take all of the drugs. It doesn’t matter. Drink everything you have, smoke em if you got em. This is the world, kid. Get a fucking helmet.
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