The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Last night didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would. I got to spend time with her and what not. I still wish I hadn't annoyed her as much. I really need to work on that. I wish I had a book like the Enchiridion so that I could study up on all the makings of a good person. That way I wouldn't annoy her so much.



Sorry for annoying you. I liked talking to you while you decorated your cake and stuff. I know it'll be awesome tomorrow. I don't care if Heather likes it or not I think its badass.



I'll probably cut this short. I should probably sleep. Happy Halloween all.

Today hasn't been like the last couple of days so far. It's partially my fault. I'm not doing a good enough job of moving on. It's challanging to me because I'm jealous now. Used to it wasn't so bad but I guess knowing she isn't my girl anymore makes it more intense or something. I don't know. This is all new to me. I've never had a relationship break up where I cared this much before. My past relationships were all with girls I really didn't love. Theres that word again. I try so hard to eleminate it from my vocabulary but it still finds a way to creep its way in. I need to start pounding it into my head when I do my confidence building excersises in the mirror. That she doesn't feel the same way I do. That her new friend is an important part of her life now and I'm not the universe. Thats probably the best way to describe stuff. I need to realize the world doesn't revolve around me. She's not obligated to spend time with me anymore. It just sucks because thats still my favorite activity. I'm going to work on myself some more. Maybe write some more poetry. Maybe play some games or something to see if I can't distract myself enough to keep me from being jealous.



I'm sorry for being jealous. You deserve to be happy. You're an outstanding girl and if he makes you happy I shouldn't be jealous of that. I'll work harder to not be such a bad friend. I'm really trying. I hope you atleast see that much.

Finally got around to signing up to one of those sites with trophy cards. Added my new one in my profile toward the end. Looks okay but I'd have preferred a better picture of the Mk. 42. I may find a better one later but right now my main goal was getting one up since the actual psn portable id has been giving me fits for months. Now people can actually see my id and can add me if they want. Go me.

Today was a pretty good day. I caught up on some sleep I've been missing out on. It was nice to sleep and not get woken up by a little kid singing the Spiderman theme at 4 in the morning. I bit the inside of my cheek the other day by the edge of my mouth when I randomly sneezed while eatting and it actually bled which is rare. It's still kinda swollen today and I keep biting it through out the day. Which is weak sauce.



Thank you for spending the day with me today. Listening to you tell of the asian guy who cut you off on the way from getting food was so cute.I liked hearing you describe the skull cake you're making for work and the little eyeball candy things. I can't wait to see the finished product cause it's going to rock. You're so creative especially when you have the right items at your disposal. I remember the paintings you made me when we first met. They're still one of my most prized items. The dragon egg and coins you made are too. I enjoy how excited you get when you're making things and I'm glad you were happy today. That's really all I want. You really made my day by spending it with me and I really enjoyed it. Thank you for including me I know you aren't obligated to anymore so I feel kinda special that you did. I hope we are able to talk tomorrow because if not I'll miss hearing your voice. I'll miss your laugh and that little noise you make when you smile.



My head kinda hurts for some reason so I'll probably be cutting this short. It's raining outside and it's kinda nippy. I don't know why but I'm super cold atm. It's weird because lately it's like I don't feel the cool weather like I used to. My body has a naturally higher temperature then most. Normal body temp for me is between 99-100°F so I usually feel warmer than most. It's been like that since I was born. Well off to lay down and hopefully ward off this headache.

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ArmandII
16:25 Oct 30 2013

Good to know you enjoy your road rage rants lol

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Today. What can one really say about today in my little slice of the world. I was an emotional train wreck today to say the absolute least about it. I had some hardcore anxiety problems today. As a matter of fact I can think of only one time before today that I have been this bad.



You helped me through it. Before I talked to you I thought my world might stop spinning for the second time in such a short amount of time. My chest felt tight like it was filling with acid. My breathing was quick. Too quick. My body couldn't process how to fix it because my hands were shaking so badly I slopped water down my front three times without realizing it. Being light headed didn't help. You helped. You took my shivering scared being and pulled me out of it. You calmed me down. You listened. You understood. You were there. You never lost patients. You never made me feel like I was a loser. You never made me feel like a coward or weak. You were simply amazing. I could not have functioned today if it weren't for you. You did that. You brought me out of it. Truth is I'll never be able to thank you enough. It's that simple. I won't be able to. I won't be able to show how much I appreciate you and what you did for me today. Words won't be able to describe what you've helped me through. I do appreciate you. I do appreciate what you did for me today. I am and have always been lucky to know you. I am lucky to have you in my life at all. I know how you feel about me so I know it wasn't easy but I look you and everyone reading this journal square in the eyes with a confidence I no longer possess yet fully remember and say with 100% complete sinceraty. Thank you. Thank you for everything you've ever done for me and thank you especially for today. You're awesome.



Throughout our lives, VR Members, we meet people. And those people impact our lives on varying degrees. Some good some bad. She has impacted my life in a positive way. Embrace the ones who matter, VR. Embrace those of which you care. Kiss their tender cheeks or lips because they deserve to know how you value them. Sometimes words aren't enough. Sometimes you just gotta show them with hugs and kisses. *kisses her cheek and hugs her tight* I value you. Thank you for everything.

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ArmandII
20:51 Oct 29 2013

Your very welcome I know you'd do the same for me

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Got back from my aunt's earlier today. Well technically yesterday given the current time but you people don't keep track. I didn't sleep all that great cause honestly her dogs are annoying sometimes. On top of that I kept having stupid dreams and shit. So that was lame.



Thanks for making me laugh today. Talking to you on the phone was the best part of today. That and seeing pictured of your new hair color. I wish you could see how gorgeous you are, especially to me but we've talked about this topic so it's.probably best you can't as selfish as that sounds. Last night was a really good night. Talking to you like we did reminded me of the night we stayed up talking and we were on the phone like 14 hours or some crazy number like that. You kept saying you should go but you didn't and we just talked and talked. It was an amazing day and night and last night reminded me of it.



I'm really beat. I will probably crash as soon as I post this journal. That is if my bro will stop fucking whistling. For some reason he thinks whistling while playing black ops is something he should do. I'd mute a dude if he was whistling in the mic and I was trying to play. I find shit like that annoying lol. Well time to pass out till daylight. Peace.

So today. Today was a good day for the most part. My head hurts and I feel mentally exhausted though. Tomorrow I'll be at my aunts to house sit. If you've read my previous journal entries you know all about my trips to her house to dog sit. I may or may not write a journal entry tomorrow depending on how the day goes. I don't feel well tbh. I kinda have one of my bad feelings I sometimes get. The neighbors were louder than normal today which was fucking annoying. I feel like I need to apologize a lot today for some reason. I feel kinda anxious too. Whatevs. Time to attempt sleep. If I cant do so I might be back.

Theres a girl from here that I'm crazy about. I've been in an on again off again relationship with her for 6 years. She's amazing. She's an outstanding person. She has given me a lot. She has given me so much happiness. She made me feel things I've never felt before. When I met her it was like breathing for the first time. When I met her something inside me clicked. Something inside me felt whole. I could feel my heart beat inside my chest and I don't remember ever feeling that before her. I made some irresponsible promises to her. I made her promises I had every intention to keep. I did everything in my power to keep them but due to nature, choices we both made and my own selfisb pride I didn't keep them all. Saying that I feel I don't deserve her. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. I'm ashamed of some of my decisions and I constantly beat myself up for them. I have some very bad karma coming my way for breaking those promises. I'm not proud of making those choices and if I could go back, knowing what I know now and change them I would. I felt like they were the best choices at the time but like in Mass Effect I learned too late that my choices have a deeper impact than just the moment. My choices along with hers cost me the girl I love. Shes so great she will easilly find someone better. She deserves someone better. I kept a few promises though. I promised her I would always love her and that promise I have kept. Even now my heart beats, every peice, for her. My soul misses and bleeds for it's other half. She is every bit of the best thing thats ever happened to me. She is the best thing that my life has had going for it. This isn't an attempt to get her back. I know she will never be mine again. I get that. This is an apology. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for every promise I've broken. I'm sorry for every word I've broken. I'm sorry for being the root of all of her unhappiness. I seriously do love her. I have never loved anyone like I love her. I never will again. I'm sorry. I'm just sorry...

Vladvampirelord or whatever his/hers name happens to be is at it again. Got his/her posse involved too. I think you have to be a very pathetic person to make multiple accounts or have all your friends go around rating 1's to people like your vote matters lol good job dude. You made yourself look foolish. High fives all around.

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DiabloEclipse
05:35 Oct 25 2013

Don't let him bother you, he's just pretending he's big shot here when he's a nobody in real life.. Let him have his fantasies, probably the only thing he's got going.

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It's cold outside. It actually hailed/soft snowed a bit earlier. It feels like winter is well on its way. I've had a lot of time to think and I've realized I might be healing a bit. My chest doesn't feel as tight and my hands don't shake as often as they did. I'm working on saying my self help lines in the mirror and I haven't ruled them out as working or not yet. I don't feel any more confident but I don't want to crawl into a hole and die anymore so I count that as progress. Today wasn't so bad so far. I took a nap earlier after I got home and it helped to work the kinks out of my mood. I'm probably going to watch movies this evening. I'm planning a horror movie marathon maybe this weekend. So that'll be nice. Unless I go to my aunts to house sit. Then it'll be whatevers on her tivo lol. Enough about me. Back to your awesome lives.

I had a very bad day. Like bad. I feel like falling asleep and never waking up. It wouldn't be so bad so long as it wasn't painful. I hope thats how I go. Painlessly in my sleep. Or quick that way the pain isn't long. I feel like I've had enough pain in life and I feel like at the end maybe life can cut me a break. We can call it even that way.

Well no reply from the Request Help people. Seems at one point a few years ago I requested help and it was resolved within a couple of hours. So that's a little confusing but whatevs.

Today was a pretty okay until about 3 minutes ago. I said something stupid to someone I care about out of jealosy and fucked the evening up. I really hope things aren't weird because of it but I can't blame her really if they are. As much as I want to avoid weirdness I was a jackass. I'm sorry for what I said. I'm a jerk. I get it and I'm sorry.

It's cold and rainy outside right now and to be honest I'm exhausted but since the above conundrium I probably won't get much sleep which is unfortunate because it probably played a contributing factor to my douchbaggery earlier. I think I'm getting a cold or something. Oh well. Story of my life. I guess I'll go count sheep or angry bird pigs or whatever it is modern youth count when they can't sleep. Carry on.

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immortalxkiss
08:31 Oct 23 2013

It's not that no one wants to help you, it's just that we're told if we don't know the answer not to answer the question. So, sadly, I think the only ones who would be able to help you would be Images or Cancer himself. The whole thing about the phone notifications gets a little tricky, especially when trying to delete phone numbers. I still get notifications for some accounts I no longer own, so yeah. You'll have to wait until someone who actually can be help sees the question and gets back to you. It may take some time, since both of them have a lot to deal with around here.

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deathnitegrl
14:01 Oct 24 2013

I agree with immortal, I saw that question too and couldn't help. However this am I sent a Dominar msg and I can see images was on and resolved. Certian questions can only be solved by higher admins.

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If there was any dog that needed a thorough talking to and maybe a grounding it's the dog upstairs. I believe dogs are very intelligant. They can be trained to do just about anything except drive a nascar but for some reason every time the people upstairs leave their apartment that dog barks for hours. I mean it's classic seperation anxiety but they should figure somethin out if they are leaving at 5AM because some of us have insomnia and are finally getting sleepy at 5AM. Ugh. To top it off they stayed gone till almost 9 so she was barking on and off.

Okay heres something I dont quite understand. My brother thinks its cool to talk shit to people over psn when hes stomping them down but when he starts getting pounded hes all like "It's just a game calm down everyone has an off day" like what the actual fuck? How can you complain about people doing the EXACT same thing you did last game? Ugh some peoples children.

Tonights (last nights depending on time) episode of The Walking Dead was a bit better than last sundays. Keeping the spoilers to a minimum here I thought the part where the prison was attacked from within kinda woke Rick up. He's kinda fallen into a false sense of security lately and it was nice to see him strap on his belt again. My least favorite part yet a part I fully understand the reasoning behind was the part with the pigs. That was hard to watch for me as any time an animal... well you get the picture.



Today was cool and windy which was kinda weak since lately I get cold easier for some dumb reason. The dog upstairs from me saw fit to bark during The Walking Dead cause her peeps left but that wasn't my fault so I'm court martialing her lol. I actually yelled up there "Dog? This barking is UNACCEPTABLE! 3 hours dungeon. No trial." and it for realz shut up which I found hilarious since I was all prepared to have to make Lemongrabs annoyed noise when my dog commanding skills failed. I'm kinda tired but my mind won't relax. I can't drink tea so don't even think about any one being all "Drink tea" last time I drank tea I almost spewed all over someone I care about's apartment. So tea is off the table. Too bad my brother used the last of the milk for cereal this morning or I'd attemot warm milk. Oh well. Enough from me today. Back to your more important lives.

*blows wifi up with a grenade launcher* bitch... lol

That moment when your upstairs neighbors are being all loud and shit keeping you from attempting sleep and when you turn on the tv and The Walking Dead is on the little boy whose room is right above yours says "Mommy what was that? Sounded like a gun! Im not sleeping in here!" instant karma :)

I'm leaving a few words out of my vocabulary starting tonight. I feel like a few sentences in my collections of words and sayings are probably better left not used. I feel like people always wonder why guys don't say certain words or don't open up and I think it's time I joined the ranks of said men. Where's my tshirt for joining the club? Where's my decoder ring and membership card?

I really need to sit down and work on my moving on skills. I have none what so ever this time. All the other girls I was with I moved on at an expected time frame. This one? Nope. I'm in last place. I guess its because I actually loved this girl, still love this girl

That's got to be it. I mean why else am I still thinking about her? Dreaming about her? I guess tomorrow is the day to figure out how I can move forward. I just hope I figure it out.

I fucking hate my wifi. Soooooo much.

Sometimes I hate people. I was sound asleep and this guy knocks on my window looking for the people upstairs. Jesus man I've lived here 8 years and even with a sign on the front and back doors these fuckers still don't get it. They think if it's a fire exit it should also serve as a dumbass' entrance. You can't even get upstairs from my place without a sledge hammer. Arg. Maybe I should just put it in the news paper or make a blog about it. Maybe then people will get it. smh

Fucking. Bored. Fuck!

I don't want to go to sleep. For some reason I feel like it's a bad idea to go to sleep right now. Maybe I'll watch more Adventure Time. Or play a rad game. Something like that.

Anyone else notice how Princess Bubblegum built a robo girl for Brocko but she can't seem to do that for the Ice King? I mean wouldn't that solve all of the princess napping? I guess I can play devils advocate and see it as if the Ice King wasn't nabbing princesses then a good part of the conflict would be gone but still. Ice King deserves a honey. He just does. Everyone does.

Well I got a little sleep last night so thats good I guess. I don't feel like spitting my guts out and crying about it. Props if you understand that reference. I'll probably go watch some Adventure Time or maybe Sleepy Hallow. I have the '99 version on my ps3 that I put on there last halloween but never go around to watching. So fun times for me I suppose.

Woke up to another nose bleed. I hadn't even been to sleep but an hour. I'm so exhausted I feel like throwing up. Why can't I have normal sleeping scheduals? It would be so awesome to go back to just falling asleep like a regular dude. I wish I knew why my nose keeps bleeding. It wasn't as bad this time so I guess theres that. It only bled for 10 mins this time. I'm going to try and get some more sleep right now. Good luck me.

Okay before I start let me say I love Iron Man as much as any straight male can. I do. Hes tied with Batman as my favorite super hero but how funny would this be:



Tony is fighting The Mandarin atop the oil well rigging. J.A.R.V.I.S informs him MK42 is inbound and he smirks all cocky like. "The Prodigal Son returns." He says while slinging his arm back to accept the suit. Then right after it hits the blockade and dissassembles what if this happened? What if The Mandarin peels his face off and reveals it's not really The Mandarin. What if it was really Loki from The Avengers? What if when the MK42 hits that blockade Loki looks at him with that "I am a King" grin and says "Preformence problems? Don't worry it's not uncommon." WHAM with the scepter and knocks him out. He doesn't kill him he just fucks him up because of Tony saying that to him in The Avengers?



I'm sleep deprived. Sue me. My first mini fanfic. I thought it would be hilarious. Go me.

Currently rewatching Iron Man 3 and one of my favorite lines is the part where Tony saves Pepper with the MK42 and then she saves him with it in return.



Pepper: I got you.

Tony: I got you first.

Just got done with a massive nose bleed. It was the worst I've had in a while. It bled for over an hour. So I'm a little dizzy. Time to go watch Iron Man and relax a bit.

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SouthernFreak
02:49 Oct 18 2013

And men wonder why women are so moody once a month. Try bleeding for days. It's miserable and drains all your energy. lol

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JustinDupree
06:43 Oct 18 2013

Yeah that would suck. I'm so glad I'm a guy.

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I had a shitty night. First of all it was a night I should have been able to sleep. I had all the ingrediants for a good rest. It was raining softly but it wasn't pouring down, I was tired, I was warm. Those should have spelled zzz with capital Z's but they didn't. Then when I finally did go to sleep I had two nightmares and a sex dream. Weird combo. Then I couldn't get back to sleep. So at 7am I finally doze off only to be woken up by the little boy upstairs getting ready for school. So that sucked cause he was whining how since it was raining that meant he had to stay home to find all the worms cause he wants to go fishing this weekend. Also he wants to be Spiderman with Batman underware and Iron man gloves for Halloween. Anyway, after that I was up again. I ate then came home and napped. Just now my dad wakes me up and says my grandma is going to the hospital because apparently she fell down the back stairs and cut her hand kinda bad so she needs stitches and on top of that the same hand might be broken. Stupid rain shouldn't fuck with my grandma. So needless to say I'm not happy or in a decent mood. I haven't heard from you today but I doubt I will to be honest. After all why waste your time on me? I hope your back is better. I hope you're well. I hope you had a good day. I love you even though it won't solve your problems you should still know. So yeah. Going to go be neutral or something. Go me.

Just finished reading The House of Hades. That book is a really good read. I like how they described Tartarus and how Frank's character finally found his footing, if you will, with the rest of the group. Piper was fleshed out a little more although I felt her point of view was one of the least utilized. Over all it's a great book for young and adult readers. 4 riptides out of 5 in my opinion. Check it out if you like reading.



I've got quite a few books backed up on my Kindle. I have all of The Game of Thrones books, The Bartimaeus collection and about ten other misc novels backed up. If anyone has any suggestions I'll gladly take them into acount. I usually prefer Fantasy and some in the "horror" side like The Vampire Chronicles (not scary at all but its in the genre) so hit me up if you want to talk about books and stuffs. Until then, I'll probably start either The Inheritance Cycle again or reread The Temeraire novels for the 3rd time. That series has a special place in my heart.

I'm probably going to do a whole profile overhaul in the future. Just a heads up to anyone who still gives a shit about what I have to say. So in actual truth? It's a note to self...

So I was sleeping pretty good this morning until I was woken up by the kid upstairs from me. They're new so I didn't think much of it... until the little boy started singing Old Mcdonald. And not just Old Mcdonald oh no thats too simple. He sang Old Mcdonald like Old Mcdonald was fucking hard of hearing and he wanted someones opinion on the shit that went down on his farm. And not just one or two animals either. Oh no. This particular Old Mcdonald didn't really have a farm. He had a goddamned zoo. So for an hour and a half I heard all about Old Mcdonalds zoo. From his cow and pig all the way down to his scorpion and garden snake. So my only question is where the hell did Old Mcdonald get the money to feed these animals and does he have a kinnel liscense? lol

Replaying Pokemon Black and this time instead of Tepig I started with Scizor. He's been my favorite pokemon since Gen 2 and I've also used him as a starter for all the other games since gen 2. Action replayed him in since I only play solo. Anyway, all I did was change Snivy to Scizor that way Cheren will still pick Tepig and Scizor being weak against fire 4Xs I think it's a fair trade off. No one loses a type advantage. Anyway, go me for that. I've also been reading The House of Hades from Rick Riordan. It's book 4 of the Heros of Olympus series. I really like his writing even if it is usually generated toward a younger audience. It's a solid series and anyone who likes Greek (and later Roman) versions of the Gods might enjoy it. At the very least it's worth checking out.



Also I hope your back starts feeling better sweetie. I wish I could take your pain and swallow it away saving you from any hurt. If only I could snap my fingers and fix it I would in a heartbeat. I hate to see you in pain and knowing you are and I can't help you sucks. I'm here for you. Regardless of how you feel about me I will always love you. You're still my everything.



So yeah. My life lately. Go me. I've been thinking too much and dreaming stuff so I think it's best I flush some of it out on here. Too bad we don't have pensives (not sure on the spelling) like they do in Harry Potter. I'm sure Dumbledore was quite relieved to pop his wand against his head and dump out some of his pent up thoughts. I wish we could all do that but alas we can't. Yet. Here's hoping technology catches up to Hogwarts. I could use some magic.

The new season of The Walking Dead starts tonight. I'm as close to excited as I can be given my state of sadness. For some reason that show speaks to me on an inner level that passes the obvious zombie bit and strolls into a more deep level of moral choices and moral beliefs. It's a great show. Check it out if you haven't yet.

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SouthernFreak
02:53 Oct 18 2013

It wasn't long enough. I immediately wanted more. I hate that about it. Saw a woman at work tonight, she had on such pale makeup and just a weird look about her. I had to double take, I thought the zombies had taken over. Then I realized, oh she's pregnant, I guess that's the glow you hear everyone talk about..haha

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JustinDupree
06:41 Oct 18 2013

Lol @ the pregnant comment. Yeah it didn't feel long enough for me either. I had downloaded all of the episodes and watched them comercial free so that may have been why but it felt like every 2 mins they were cutting away to a comercial. But yeah I'm ready for this Sunday. Hopefully they tone down comercial breaks in the future.

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Ugh. I haven't had a very good day. I got 2 hours of sleep littered with dreams and so I kept waking up. Then I finally get to sleep for more than 10 minutes and the new upstairs neighbors are moving in super loud. They're slamming shit around and talking super loud so I've been up since before day light. Then my bro has an attitude and my mom and now her and it sucks because I miss her so much but I can't tell her that because she doesn't care. That's honestly one of the hardest parts. Anyway enough about me. I hope her back feels better soon. I hope the nausea goes away so she can eat and relax. I hope she feels better over all. Off to find something to do I guess since she doesn't want to txt. Which is fine. She's in pain. I totally understand.

Great. Just awesome. Severly depressed, extreamly exhausted, getting a sinus infection and on top of all of that? Fuckin heartburn. Heartburn and heartbreak? Thanks life. I should write a poem about heartburn and heartbreak. I might do that. Go me.

Dear me,

Slow deep breathing. One breath at a time. One day at a time. You can do this. You have to. Go play video games. Go for another walk. Find a way to hypnonize yourself. Something. You used to be so good at this. Fuck man. Remember how you did it. It can't have been this hard. It can't have been...

I hope they give you what I never could. I hope they give you happiness. I hope all of their advice was worth it. I hope you find the guy I could never be. I'll never replace you for how can I replace the best? It was I who was never good enough. You were all I ever wanted and could ever dream of. It was I who fell short. I who blew it. Its all on me. I was so stupid. How could you ever love me when I hate myself so much? I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone. Adam was right all these years ago. I'm unlovable. And eventually everyone will leave me. I'm just glad I had as much time with you as I did. I did my best. It's all I know how to do. I'll still give you your suprise this holiday. You deserve it.

Part of me wants to just delete this. I mean I don't talk to anyone on here and it hurts to see some of the stuff from here so why do I even bother to log in? Its got to be the journal feature. Even though no one reads this garbage its good to get it out of my head sometimes. Go me.

Lately I've felt like a ticking timed clock. Like my whole world is a nuclear bomb ready to explode. My life, my happiness, my heart and soul all could go up in smoke. I can only plug so many holes before I bleed to death. I can only take so many beatings. Its's like everything I've ever cared about is leaving. People are dying. I'm dying and there is one person in the world who has control of the life support. I've fought and fought. I've clawed and scraped. I feel dead inside. Every day I feel my heart fall away slowly like the drip of the old bathroom sink. My time is running out. I can feel it. My bones are turning to glass and the one thing that's been solid and that's been my saving grace is preparing me for her first oppertunity to bail on me. I. Don't. Have. Any. Answers. And it hurts because shes the one I love. The one I've loved litterally since I set eyes on her. The moment I saw her I felt things I've never felt. Saw the world in color for the very first time. Black and white is coming and this ain't pokemon. I'm lost. I'm truely lost.

Well I hope you have fun whichever order you decide on. *wipes his eyes again*

I'll probably spend tonight alone too. *sighs and shakes his head*

NCIS marathon woot woot

Spent the night alone again. To be honest I should be used to it by now. I think I'm getting sick from the lack of sleep. 2 hours in a little over 3 days isn't cutting it. I've been dizzy lately and last night I was really nausiaded. But hey fuck it right? I can handle myself. As long as I keep telling myself that, I'll eventually start to believe it.

Sometimes I want to collect all of my tears into a large swimming pool or giant deep hole and jump right in. It'd be fitting because I'm not a strong swimmer and eventually I'd sink and do exactly what I've felt like I've been doing over the past month except this last week. I'd drown in my own damned tears.

Some of the most hurtful words your soulmate can say? "I don't care. I don't need to be here."

I have a really awesome girl in my life and I feel like I don't say that enough. I love you baby. Thanks for being my partner. :)

So my brother has informed me I should start watching The Walking Dead and since they've mentioned it several times on The Big Bang Theory I think I'll take him up on that because I need something to take my mind off my sadness and maybe zombies can do that and also lets face it, if it was on The Big Bang Theory it's worth a shot.

Sometimes I just need a hug and, as a guy, I'm completely comfortable saying that. I've been feeling pretty down in the dumps lately. I usually bounce back faster than this. Maybe I should get back into my poetry and writing. Maybe I'll bounce back after that. At the very least I'll stop getting those annoying emails saying "Allpoetry.com misses you. How's your writing going?" but I might actually miss the word "miss" being used in the same sentence as my email name. I probably would miss it. *sighs*

Going to watch The Night of The Living dead movies with my bro. Good thing hes willing to hang out with me or it'd be yet another lonely evening. Hes actually cooler than I give him credit for most of the time. So I appreciate him today.