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I'm so grateful I have such an awesome girl. She made me smile when I was sad. Thanks my love. Tomorrow I'm going to start working out a bit. Nothing massive since I'm just starting out but I want to lose some of my extra baggage. I might try to download that Intensity dvd I see on infomercials if I can find it on my download sites. Maybe. Running has never been my thing as it makes my asthma act up but I'm going to try and power walk more and at least do some sort of weight lifting. We'll see how it goes. I love you baby. Thank you for tonight. I really appreciate it. xoxoxoxoxox

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DestroyingAngel
22:37 Feb 09 2011

Dude, that Insanity workout looks awsome! I wanna try it but I would probably collapse, have an asthma attack and then soil my draws lmao!



Awww, im so happy to see you two this way :P

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I so would have called her. She'd have hated me for waking her up on a day where she has to work the next day but it messed with me that badly. Still is. I'm still shaking.

I had a nightmare. I've never had one this bad before. They've never felt this real. I've never had someone from the other side of the house come wake me up because I was crying and shouting so loudly. I've never woken up and felt the fucking barrel pressed against me temple before so clearly I could trace it with my finger. It's still there. Burned into my eyes. I can't stop seeing it. I can't stop hearing the laughter. I can't stop seeing him smile because of it. I can't get the things she said out of my ears. It's horrible. I hate it. I'd never wish this on anyone. I wish I could go back to sleep because with sleep, the deep sleep, I have no visions. No arch enemies taking my girl. No evil laughter peircing my ears. No taunting, jeering, horrible words. I'm a lost cause. Sleep won't find me tonight. Not again. I'm scared. Yeah, you heard it here. Justin is scared to fucking go back to sleep because if he dreams what he dreamed just now he'd explode. My heart won't stop pounding. I'm dizzy. I need to lay down.

She went to sleep and I need to get this off my chest. Maybe she'll read this, since it's to her and her ONLY, and she'll see what I'm feeling. That she'll take it into consideration and maybe she'll take a step back and look at things.



I feel like I'm losing you again. You're starting to slip into the same mindset you were back when we broke up for that time. It's painful to see it because I know where it'll lead. You know where it'll lead. I know it's only going to hurt us both. And so do you baby. I've done everything in my power. I've redoubled my efforts on being patient, I've redoubled my efforts to be understanding. I've done everything I could. I love this girl and I hate to see things go downhill like this. Baby, I'm your partner. I'm your friend. I'm not the one causing this stress at work. I'm not. I love you and I want us to work like we were before the phone messed up. Maybe it's my voice that does it. *tries to smile* But I know for a fact we can get through this. Just stop and remember what we had the night before the phone went out. Just remember what I said to you. We're at a new level. A new height. A whole new existence of the wonderful thing we call US. We're meant to be. We're soulmates. I know that now more then ever. You know that. It's how it should be. Just take a step back and think about how we were just days ago. I may not have money. I may not have diamond rings. I may not have fast cars and big planes but I love you. I love you more then any normal person should ever love another. Don't take that wrong, I'm just saying it's very very vast and deep. I would die for you. Isn't that worth more then money? Every night I give you my heart again and again. Isn't that worth more then a diamond ring? Everyday you get my loyalty and my undying devotion. Isn't that better then fast cars and large planes? My love for you should surpass all. Who cares what the people at work think? You know I'm the one for you. I know it. I love you baby. xoxoxoxox

I don't know what to say really. I felt in my heart that things were different. I thought we had moved past the "you have to look this way" bs. I thought we had moved past the "I'm hotter then you" and the "You have to buy me things" crap. I'm hoping it's just the stress. Or getting close to her time of the month. I really am. *crosses his fingers*

I wish I could be there for her. I wish I could tell everyone at her work place off. I wish I could strangle Eddy and somehow, without hitting a girl, put Gina in a comma. Then maybe that beautiful smile would stay on her face longer then just the eight and a half hours she sleeps. They are horrible people and the people who run the place are worse. I wish I could just burn the building down and wisk her away to somewhere special. She deserves that because when she's trying she's the best thing I could ever ask for. She's my everything and I'll find a way to prove that to her. You wait and see. I love you baby. I hope you have a good day tomorrow. xoxoxoxox

I miss her. :(

So I guess now I'm not getting her messages or something. I woke up, emailed her, and waited for a response. Didn't get one so I emailed again like 10 mins ago. Apparently she sent some sort of message and I didn't get it.

I'm having a hard time sleeping for some reason. I keep waking up. *sighs* Stupid insomnia.

I feel like that kid who always finds out everything last. Let me be the first to say that sucks. Really bad.

*takes a slow deep breath and lets it out. Takes another slow deep breath and lets it out. Takes a third slow deep breath and lets it out as he does his part by not taking things wrong*

I think I might have some of the worst parents in history. My mom had the balls to tell me today that I'm ungrateful. Me? What? Really? SHE Is the one who is an ungrateful anus. I do everything for these people and they continuously treat me like garbage. Wtf? I'm seriously looking forward to when I can get the fuck out of here and leave them all behind. Yes, it's to that point. Let them make someone else do everything short of wiping their ass (metaphorically. I don't do that but a lot of other things) and see how that works out for them. Without me this family would have fallen apart years ago. As soon as I can I'm done and once that happens we'll see how long they last.

So today wasn't what I expected or wanted. I tried really hard and I didn't meet anyone's expectation. Mine or hers, I'd wager. I'm sorry. I thought I was doing pretty well. I'll try harder. I love you. Xoxo

Went over to the next door neighbors to borrow a bit of milk because my dad doesn't understand "It's bad outside. The weather sucks and we may not be able to get out out for milk for a couple days. All they had was these two half gallons so don't drink it all" which was said to him like two days ago. Anyway, had to go borrow some and I get outside and fall right on my ass on the ramp out back as soon as I get out the door. That's not all. The ice was so bad I slid down the ramp and all the way across the ally to the next building where my rapid approach made an abrupt halt against the siding. Needless to say my ass now hurts. XD

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Oceanne
21:49 Feb 04 2011

Damn good thing you didnt have the milk in hand!

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Couldn't sleep last night. Had something on my mind. Was bugging me all night. *sighs* Oh well. I'll do the best I can. *tries to smile*

Yesterday was the worse day I've had in a while. The weather took a mega turn for the worse and now my whole town is covered in about 8 inches of ice. We've got about 5 inches of snow on the ground so you're practically walking on a small building when you go outside. The side walks are so slick they've closed the post office, every school, the cops are giving tickets if you're outside and even the freaking mayor's office is close. This wasn't the worst of my day though, but I had to explain this before that because it greatly pertains to it as does this. My freaking phone is doing that thing again after I just fucking got it fixed. Shut off, turn back on, shut off, turn back on. It's fucking stupid. I hate straight talk but given my current budget if I want to keep having a cell phone then that is where I must stay. If I didn't think not texting would be detrimental to my girl and I then I'd say fuck it and go land line again. And what really sucks? My girl had a bad day yesterday and needed me. And I wasn't there. Why wasn't I there? The freaking ice knocked down the power lines by my house. So we were without power for like what? 7 hours or more while they fixed it? It sucks. Really bad. I hate it. My phone seems to always fuck up on the days she needs me the most and my net usually does the same. It pisses me off. I feel like a failure. I can never comfort her as much as I want because of my stupid technological errors. I wanted to hug her, kiss her and tell her even if Gina wants to be a cunt and make things hard then we'll get through it. We'll figure it out and we'll rise above it. But I couldn't and who wants to sit at the computer and write about their day when all they want is a fucking hug? I would, but that's beside the point. I'm like that. Some people aren't and as much as I want to know so I can help I can't expect her to do that if she doesn't want to. I love her so much and we've made so much progress. Ascended to a whole other level on our relationship in such a short amount of time and it's real this time. I can feel it and while I haven't written much about it here it's because I can't put into words what we've become. So much closer, so much tighter, so much more then what we once were. This is the first test of how strong we are and I know we can overcome it. Technology won't hold us back this time and I hope she sees it this way too. I love you baby, I really do and it hurts me that I'm not there for you right now. I'm sorry I let you down baby. I hope I can talk to you later. XoXoXoXoX *blows her a million kisses* I love you pumpkin. I really do.

It. Is. Mother. Fucking. Cold! 19 degrees right now, just called and checked. It's freaking snowing and icy. There is supposed to be approximately 3 inches of snow, 2 inches of ice and we are supposed to be getting about another 2 inches of ice. It's crazy like a Sunday morning XD

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DestroyingAngel
07:50 Feb 02 2011

That sucks....!

California is having temps from the 60's to 70's durring the day. *giggles*

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Well it's official. I've lost it. What little sanity I have is out the window. I've played the Dead Space 2 demo approximately 23-25 times. I must be insane. XD

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Ezio
10:53 Feb 01 2011

Go out and buy the game you cheap bastard lol

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JustinDupree
20:03 Feb 01 2011

Lmao! If I had the extra cash I totally would XD

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