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I am lying in the corner of the smal cell that I am being held in. I dont know what day it is, what month. I dont know how long I have been here.



Night goes days come but I dont know when, I can only guess that when he comes it is day and when he leaves it is night. Every time I hear those fotsteeps coming i turn myself of, I know what is goin to happen because it happens everyday. It can go on for hours and hours until I pass out from the pain.



When I wake up I am back in the cell, I can taste the blood in my mouth and every inch of my body is hurting like hell. I feel a slap being delivered to my face, a fist comes in to my blurry vision and a few droops of blood is falling down on to the floor.



Now he starts attacing my mind, telling me that they are dead and that it is my fault and that I am nothing, not even worth the dirt on the ground.



Another slap hits me and the voice feels painfully near. "You are going to be broken, You cant escape because you are nothing, remember that" I am trying to tell myself that, that isent true but I really dont know anymore.



I am so lost in my own darkness my sparkle is long sience gone. And i know in my heart that if they would see me now they wouldent reconise me. I cant blame them, I dont even know who I am anymore.



I just know that I am slowly slipping away, away in to the darkness.

It´s an song fic I did some time ago





*She sits in her corner, singing herself to sleep

Wrapped in all of the promises

That no one seems to keep

She no longer cries to herself

No tears left to wash away

Just diaries of empty pages

Feelings gone a stray, but she will sing*



The rain was pouring down and the sky was on the break of thunder. It was five minutes after ten and the small bus station in the small town was virtually empty. Only two people using the small roof to protect themselves from the rain; the station itself had been closed for two hours to keep unwanted drunks and homeless people away.



A man lay half sleeping with a bottle of Sheep Whiskey in one hand and a plastic bag with a pair of extra shoes in the other, his clothes are so torn and dirty that it is hard to make out what he is wearing. He´s on his way to the end of the bottle.



In the other corner there is a girl about 16 years old, she´s wearing a long dark green coat, a pair of blue jeans, a black tank top and a pair of Nike’s. The hood on the coat hides her long black her and her big blue eyes. In one hand she´s holding on to a brown leather bag and in the other one a ticket. She is listening to her walkman tired of hearing the rain hit the ground, she´s on her way back.



*Till everything burns, while everyone screams

Burning their lies, burning my dreams

All of this hate and all of this pain

I'll burn it all down, so my anger reigns

Till everything burns*



When school ended for the summer she took off, just like that. Not a word to anyone, she just left a note on her pillow, thinking that sometime someone had to come and check on her. She had been gone for three months now, not even sending a postcard home so that they would now that she was okay. But was it really her home and were they really worried?



The man in the other corner sits up and says something to the sky and then he goes back to sleep. She knows what he is feeling, forgotten, unloved and probably very hungry; she had been in his place too minus the bottle in his hand. He wakes up once more when the last bus for the day stops infront of them, he can see all the people on the bus thinking that they are better then he is.



She sighs and gets up and walks onto the bus, Westchester New York it says on it, she takes her seat and looks out the window at the man one last time before the bus takes of.



*Walking through life unnoticed

Knowing that no one cares

Too consumed in their masquerade

No one sees her there and still she sings*



Who knew that life would turn out to be such a bitch? Was she supposed to know that she had to feel the way she does? That feeling of pain so strong that it’s burning inside of you, the feeling that is burning her life and her dreams. That feeling that goes through you and leaves nothing but pain, hate and anger. She doesn’t want to be angry any more but she can’t stop it, because she knows that she has every right to feel this way.



*Till everything burns, while everyone screams

Burning their lies, burning my dreams

All of this hate and all of this pain

I'll burn it all down, as my anger reigns*



The bus stops and she gets off, it’s raining. She starts to walk and the closer she gets, the more the fear takes over. It tells her to turn around and walk away; don’t face them, don’t take responsibility for leaving three months. But the rest of her says just keep walking, if they had found her note they knew what she was feeling, well it had been more like a long letter so they should know. And the fact that she had been able to hide from them must have proven that she wanted to be alone, if they had found the letter…and if they had looked.



She stops infront of the big gate and looks up at the mansion, then with cold fingers she punches in the code and the gate opens. She walks up the long driveway like she had done a thousand times before. She stops infront of the big door and sights.



“Home sweet home” She says with a sarcastic voice and before she can reach for the door it opens letting the light out into the dark. Making the light and the rain seem so very far away.



*Till everything burns, everything burns

Everything burns

Watching it all fade away, all fade away

Everyone screams, everyone screams

Watching it all fade away, while everyone screams

Burning down lies, burning my dreams

All of this hate and all of this pain

I'll burn it all down, as my anger reigns

Till everything burns, everything burns

Watching it all fade away*



Sometimes home is the place that seem to be so far away and sometimes home is the place were you have to face your own pain.