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After 12 days of deleting the situation off social media and not communicating in any manner, I get a text massage: "Hey."

To respond or not to? Do I owe any explanations?

How do I say, the sex is great. But we barely talk, so we are barely friends. I feel like there are all these rules with communicating with you that don't help my anxiety any. I'm fully aware you are probably flirting with others, and I'm jealous that I don't get the same, if not more, attention. I feel like I'm not good enough to want be in a relationship with. I feel confused a lot of the time communicating with you. Why are you contacting me?

How does one condense that message down to text language? How does one say that diplomatically and direct?

I am not okay.
But maybe I will be soon.

Cutting off the situation was supposed to be a good thing. Right? I just feel a vast emotional void, persistent loneliness, confusion, regret…

Logically, I know no contact is best.
Emotionally…I want to be blissfully unaware of his conquests and the receiver of his attention.

I'm going to let logic win.

I’m on autopilot…work then home, then work again…

I had a long talk with my therapist on boundaries, relationships, sex, etc. And I finally worked up the courage to delete the situation from all of my social media. Also, if he texts, I’m saying no:

Him: good morning
Me: no

Him: wyd
Me: definitely not

Those are my planned responses.

I thought I would feel sad…but I was numb last night. Today, I’m feeling strangely liberated, like I’m the boss lady in charge.

You can like someone, and they can like you, but if they don’t value you, communicate at your level, or even reciprocate your efforts, it’s okay to let go. I’m learning.

I ignored all the red flags over the excitement that someone likes me. Someone finds me attractive. And I should not have. But no more. I’m making room in my life for new people, perhaps even “the one.” I’m getting back to me before I met him- alone but not unhappy. Content. Focusing on being my best me. I deleted the dating apps too.

That also feels liberating. I did not like that therapy homework assignment in the slightest.

Forgive my earlier melt down…feeling marginally better.

Someone shut me off! Shut my emotions off! And if that’s not possible, wipe me from existence. Maybe I’ll have happiness in another plane of existence. Why couldn’t I be born a stupid tree? Or better yet, a weed, thriving and growing in the unlikeliest of places. Fully adaptable- unlike me.

Work: I’m anxious about a presentation I have to give in front my boss and my bosses boss.

The situation: Complains I don’t talk to him, don’t miss him, don’t want to see him. I go to see him. And now our communication is worse…I didn’t think that was possible. I’m a fool and this man win a Grammy. Bravo! I’m seeing right through and I don’t want to. It hurts too much.

Dating apps:

Guy 1: talks too much about loyalty and sex when we have never met before. Made no mention of going on dates.

Guy 2: wants to play video games with me. Sure, I’ll take it.

Everyone else: gone ghost.

I’m going on a road trip tonight, and I’m anxious about the drunk drivers doing holiday partying.

So the situation was inquiring why I don't want to be "friends" any more. So, I told him to call me. He invites me over...

Nothing is really resolved. I'm still locked firmly into situation-ship. I'm a whole mess.

How does one resist the status quo and unattach?

I am absolutely nuts....disclaimer before I tell you about me:

The situation is starting a gaming livestream.

I hopped on the stream last night to support, right as he was discussing marvel v dc comics and said something like "unless I come over to cuddle with you I'm not watching Black Panther." He said this to unknown woman on the phone.

I felt some type of way and sent him a text suggesting we end the friendship. I said I have feelings I shouldn't have and that I know he doesn't like me like that.

He responds "What are you getting at. It's not like that."

I had no reply last night.

This morning he texts "Good Morning"

I say "Good morning...Sorry"

He says "Why did you come at me like that"

I reply "I don't know, it's complicated. Negative emotions, anxiety, and wine..."

Last night, when I was initially distressed, I text my sister, who deleted him off her social media and told me to do the same. I told her I'm working up to it.

So...I wonder how the rest of this will play out. Will he notice my sister deleted him? Will he even reply to my last text? Will he decide to end things where I couldn't?

I thought I would feel sad today, but I don't feel much of anything at all. Kind of numb.

He starts texting me the following day, like he didn’t just go ghost all of Saturday. The most dry boring texts, of course. I’m definitely done with the situation. I am feeling a soft anger.

So the situation was texting me: Why don't I talk to him?

I respond: Are you inviting me to call? OR do you mean in a general sense?

So he says: Not now

So I assume only the first question applied.

*the next day*

I send: When is a good time to call? Also I'm going hiking today and tomorrow, if you have any time.

No reply all day. Nothing.