I woke up feeling good today. How strange. No tears.
I got some perspective after yesterday’s semi-emergency therapy session. I don’t know what I’m going to do when the therapy program runs out. But the point, the new perspective made me feel optimistic about my future.
And think less about the situation:
Why am I not good enough to love? To want exclusively? To talk to to? To trust?
I am good enough.
Instead, I’m thinking about my work promotion, moving into my own place in a few months, my next adventure…
Love will find me. The situation was just a trial run…a lesson.
I’m oscillating from chest achy anxiety attacks to “okay.” Right now, I’m okay.
I’m free of the situation. Now what? I just want to keep to myself, but I’m kind of lonely. But I don’t like meeting people. I don’t want friends with benefits and situationships. But I’m socially dumb, and can never tell who is being genuine.
That feeling you get when you tell someone you have feelings for them, and wanted more than friends. And they stop replying to phone calls/texts. Called twice. Texted 4 times.
Figured it would end like this.
Done is done.
I did it. I texted the situation we could be friends, no more benefits. No reply. I suspect we aren’t friends anymore.
I feel pain in my chest and sick to my stomach, and I’m doing everything in my power not to cry at work.
I feel awful…but also good. Like, I’m sad, with no regrets.
I’m free?
I absolutely do not have time to talk to people that do not want to talk to me. And if you do not want to share about your life, I'm not going to share about mine anymore. We're not friends, merely acquaintances. And if you're sooooooo busy, fine. But I take that to mean you do not want to see me at all. Because you squandered months of opportunity. So, don't get in my face, talking about "I miss you." You're a LIAR.
COMMENTS
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Vampirewitch39
17:28 Jul 19 2023
Live brings you what you need, when you need it. :)