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If someone asks what you're doing and if you are comfortable with seeing them, that means they want to see you right? Is this too bold of an assumption?

Well apparently yes. Because the whole conversation was flipped to why do I want to see this person. And after waiting a ridiculous amount of time after answering the question in the first place, they agree to see me. Like I'm the one that asked? Eh? Is this some sort of mind game?

I think I've gotten over the fact we won't ever really be together in an official sense. But we had a talk about the status/expectations of the situation-ship and...overall my anxiety is less.

Apparently, we're friends with benefits. He explained that fwb's only meet up for one reason. Sometimes there is dinner and a movie before hand, or something of that nature. However, fwb's don't really hang out with friend groups. So I agree to the boundaries. Easy, right? But he counters that he does want to get the invites to my friend group hangouts. Huh? I ask if we could ever be more than friends, and he's saying not likely but not impossible. So he wants to be fwb's that does slightly more than regular fwb's, but we won't ever be gf/bf.

I'm probably being foolish for sticking around, but I'm single and got nothing else going on. Not exactly like I was actively looking for my soulmate beforehand. I wasn't even certain most men found me all that attractive. He doesn't compliment my appearance with words at all, but I definitely feel wanted in his presence- I think it's the way he looks at me. The body areas I am insecure about didn't phase him.

So yeah, we're just meeting needs, I guess. For now, and who knows how long?

My diabetes is improving. I lost weight; it wasn't diet or exercise, but more so skipping meals due to the high anxiety. So don't congratulate me. I'm not confident I can keep the weight off.

My sleep is crap. I'm averaging 3 to 4 hours, when 6 to 7 was the norm before Thanksgiving.

I started seeing a mental health coach, which is not the same as a therapist, and I think it's helping. Apparently, I have social anxiety and possibly a mild depression. I'm going to put away the funds to see a therapist in 2023. Not ashamed to admit that I need help...the last time I felt this bad was 2015/16. That was a whole other man problem...

COMMENTS

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LifeByDeath
22:02 Dec 24 2022

Do what feels good for you,

Their problem isn't you.

Stop making yourself sick over a problem thats, not yours.

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ShadowBorn
22:13 Dec 24 2022

My advice? Know your own worth. Know what you deserve before getting involved with someone else, because you really don't want to short-change yourself from being with someone who will be worth it, instead of someone who isn't worth a crap later on. ;)

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Another day of feeling like trash, but if I play Snoop doggs daily affirmation over and over, maybe it will become my reality.

How do I detach?
From you?
How do I not care so much?

I feel like I’m an actor in my own life, pretending to be “fine” or “okay.” But every once in a while, I’ll break character, and start to tear up at work, or while driving, or while grocery shopping…

I cannot stop the act until I’m alone in my room…where I struggle to sleep.

My emotions have become a massive weight on my chest, to heavy for me to lift. I don’t quite know what to do with myself.

Wait until the feeling goes away tomorrow? What if it never goes away?

Now what?

COMMENTS

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TashaC
05:01 Dec 15 2022

well idk what happened to you.... but i know exactly what you're talking about... this happens to me as well... all the time... if you want to.. you can always talk to me. Take care.

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Why tf did I text him "How are you?" for him to respond "I'm good," and nothing else. I feel like world's greatest idiot. My goodness. I need to hide my phone from myself. Ahhhhhhhh

I have to keep busy. Because if I keep busy, I cannot feel sad. If I sit still, I cry.

I don’t want to feel anything anymore.

He’s making a bunch of posts on Facebook about being single. I think I’m done. I’m going to have to cry this one out and get over it.

If there was any chance for a relationship, he would not be posting that, right?

He says we’re friends, but he doesn’t call or text like he used to. Some friend.

Invited him out shopping with me. He was an hour late. He was on his phone half the time. He hasn't contacted me at all since then. I guess I know where we stand.

We're still having communication hurdles. I feel like he is very vague. He initiates the most boring text conversations...I have a tough time responding to the one liners. When I call and he does not answer, he does not call me back. Everyone else I know, returns missed calls when they see them. Does he actually want to be talking to me? I'm feeling close to quitting. One of my close friends thinks I need better. This dry conversation makes us incompatible, right? And if we're just friends after what we've done, chances are it won't move beyond that right? What do I do?

Why can't I seem to figure this out? I'm feeling overwhelmed.