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I can't sleep. This is not unusual considering I slept until about 2:30pm yesterday. I'm starting to feel a little tired again. I hate not being able to sleep. I have the day off tomorrow too but I need to go into the office tomorrow at 1:00pm.

No it's not jury duty. It's the stimulus check. I've been waiting for it to afford what I want... I went to the mall today and got what I want. :)

no matter how much one makes it seems that one is always needing more. how is it that this works out?

Finally the hills are without eyes

They are tired of painting a dead man's face red

With their own blood



They used to love having so much to lose

Blink your eyes just once and see everything in ruins



Did you ever hear what I told you?

Did you ever read what I wrote you?

Did you ever listen to what we played?

Did you ever let in what the world said?

Did we get this far just to feel your hate?

Did we play to become only pawns in the game?

How blind can you be, don't you see?

You chose the long road, but we'll be waiting



Bye bye, beautiful...



Jacob's ghost for the girl in white

Blindfold for the blind

Dead Siblings walking the dying earth



Noose around a choking heart

Eternity torn apart

So toll now the funeral bells



"I need to die to feel alive"



Did you ever hear what I told you?

Did you ever read what I wrote you?

Did you ever listen to what we played?

Did you ever let in what the world said?

Did we get this far just to feel your hate?

Did we play to become only pawns in the game?

How blind can you be, don't you see?

You chose the long road, but we'll be waiting



Bye bye, beautiful...



It’s not the tree that forsakes the flower

But the flower that forsakes the tree

Someday I’ll learn to love these scars

Still fresh from the red-hot blade of your words



...How blind can you be, don’t you see...

...that the gambler lost all he does not have...



Did you ever hear what I told you?

Did you ever read what I wrote you?

Did you ever listen to what we played?

Did you ever let in what the words said?

Did we get this far just to feel your hate?

Did we play to become only pawns in the game?

How blind can you be, don’t you see?

You chose the long road but we’ll be waiting



Bye bye, beautiful

Bye bye, beautiful

Bye bye, beautiful

Bye, bye, bye, bye.



~Nightwish "Bye Bye Beautiful"- from the album "Dark Passion Play"

Uneventful. Went to work for my required shift, ended up staying for a couple of hours extra to help others catch up with their work and sent another sup home early so he could spend the holiday with his family....



No family here, no one to really spend the holiday with, I'm a prime candidate to work the holiday. I spent some time this evening working on my AD team project.... our bulletin board.



I'm excited. There are a few other things to think about, but nothing worry about at this point. I'm going to build a timeline tonight. Might seem a silly thing, but a project is a project. I need to make everything run well... very well.



Spent some time in photoshop to come up with a nice layout and idea. Now I'm just going to write a few things up and then I'll get set to go for the staff meeting tomorrow.

Good week. It is starting well and I feel I'm in the position to start moving the team forward. I know the trends, I know the challenges and I've laid the groundwork to start working on the individual and team performance. Here we go.



Next to that? Nothing impressive personally to report.

what a long week. ended well though. potluck with the team, and morale is through the roof, where it should be. at least for the moment, things are going well. i have faith.



had a good conversation with someone i deeply respect.

Trying to continue working forward towards this career thing. It’s really tiring. Going in day after day and struggling forward. But I think I have a knack for it. There are a few things that just need tweaking. For the most part, I feel like I’m effective at leading.



I feel like I’m really hard on myself. I know that I’ve been doing this for just about 3 weeks. I suppose I should remember that it’s not a sprint race. This is a marathon and it will take some time to get up to speed completely.



I wish for what it’s worth, that there was someone who could just tell me how I’m doing. Like, “Hey you’re doing a great job.” And then I remember that this isn’t an attaboy type job. You don’t hear when you reach a level of career like this that you’re doing fabulous.



You just have to be confident that what you do and your efforts are more than enough. I have to believe that. It goes back to this: don’t second guess yourself, the rest of the world will do that for you. Don’t doubt yourself, the rest of the world will doubt you. If you can’t be your own best advocate, you will smother yourself in a shadow of doubt.



No one will give you hints without you asking. And you can’t afford to show weakness to others. And you can trust no one...

I'm settling in to work nicely. And into drinking a beer after work on a regular day. God what a day. Things are going relatively smoothly, but I have a lot of other things every day that are constantly coming into the foreground. Bleh. It's a lot to handle it's like managing myself 14 times over.... with a lot of challenges. If I managed 14 of myself it would be comparatively easy. But there are challenges and there is the ability to overcome.

Where the F*** is my stimulus check?

Messes are created through misunderstandings. I jumped to defense of someone a little prematurely, and it turns out... not all is at it seemed. I understand the reasons behind TheHellequin's thoughts, though I can also see how they would make someone else feel who is already down and out. Peace to the masses and rest for the weary and all that jazz.



Tomorrow we take a deep breath and plunge into the thick of it again, for life never stops. I got a very beautiful piece of carnelian last night from my favorite crystal store house and shop. Wow... it's just awesome.

Ah, I am a slave to lists... such is the fate of all management. But there is a reason behind the lists. I would forget otherwise. So I have a list of things to do and I go from there. Sunday is traditionally a slower day but today is going to be rather busy, I think. This week is going to be interesting and full.



Went out Friday with my AD team. We had fun outside of work. And now we head into another week.



I have purchased a few things this weekend. Some new clothes for work, a new pair of cute flip flops. :) The manicure/ pedicure I needed to look good again, lots of groceries to avoid the going out to eat syndrome, and have paid a few bills down to start.



The pay boost is rather nice and I'll fight just to keep that going. I think things are under way and I'm learning a lot at an accelerated rate.



All things considered, I am now under a larger microscope. I had to change myspace a little bit, considering all the co-workers and reps that are on that site. Hah. Welcome to management, right? However, no one knows of my VR account or my .mac web site. Those will remain my blissful get away.

You know, it's a damned good thing I'm good at this game. It's what I spend my weekend doing. De-boggling my thoughts and producing cohesive, coherent thinking with which to tackle the next week...



Grocery shopping next, that is all.

Even the best of things are tainted in a way.

All that we desire still turns to ashes.

But we hold on tightly to that which we may.

As the wind carries our efforts away.

And thank the gods that this is so. I got a lot of administrative things completed today. I think Sunday is going to be the major admin day for me. No meetings, no interruptions.

I'm awake yet again in dreamland. While the world slumbers, I can't seem to quite stay asleep. Grah... sux.

You men must love gold diggers or something. Maybe it's the need to "take care of" and "provide for" someone. But really, guys... wake up and smell the gold digger for what she is. She has nothing, you have everything. And when it comes down, don't think she won't end up with everything while you start over...



I don't get it. I just don't.

I finally have some down time. I needed a weekend and I just feel really wound up still. *sigh* I am hoping I can get used to this new schedule. Blah. Am tired.



Watching TV and letting the meat thaw for the grill later tonight or tomorrow possibly.

The first week is ended. What a crazy, hectic runaround life. I enjoyed every second of it. Finally, after 8 days at work, I'm taking the morning off and have some time to login. The team is pretty good. But establishing a different level of relationship is not that easy... it takes a while and a little communication to get everyone to see things as they are now.



But I am heading in a little later today to speak to a few people, see if I can finish getting my systems set up... and I get a concession phone next week some time: a Blackberry 8830 in sexy red.

Don't get all hurt. I have to be fair in my judgements. And in the end kids, I have the last say. I have to get done what needs to get done.



And at the end of the day, your life is not over because of one non passing call.



People really think I can just be walked on, don't they? Well I have a job to get done. And I am a hard ass. I don't want perfection. But I know what's expected and I know you can do better. I don't let you slide because I've been where you sit.

Hm. I seem to be entering that weird sleep deprivation cycle that I had working at Eclipse Aviation. I'm not too concerned, as I know I will level things out eventually.



It's amazing how well one sleeps with less responsibility. Waking in the middle of the night to login to Outlook Web Exchange is a sure sign of bringing your work home with you. I hope this phase passes soon. If not, one of my first trips with my pay boost is going to be to the doctor to get some sleeping pills. Fo sho.



The team is incredible. We had our initial team meeting today to formally meet each other. Even though I know all of them and have seen them around, we met today to shoot the breeze and set up expectations. This week I need to set up 1 x 1 meetings with everyone to find out what their expectations are.



I have set up 5 tasks today to do those meetings with 5 team members. I'm still setting up as well. This is one of those jobs where there aren't enough hours in a day unless you plan accordingly. I'm looking forward to this challenge.



---

Styx- Blue Collar Man (Long Nights)



Give me a job, give me security

Give me a chance to survive

I'm just a poor soul in the unemployment line

My God, I'm hardly alive

My mother and father, my wife and my friends

I see them laugh in my face

But I've got the power, and I've got the will

I'm not a charity case



I'll take those long nights, impossible odds

Keeping my eye to the keyhole

If it takes all that to be just what I am

I'm gonna be a blue collar man



Make me an offer that I can't refuse

Make me respectable, man

This is my last time in the unemployment line

So like it or not I'll take those



Long nights, impossible odds

Keeping my back to the wall

If it takes all that to be just what I am

I'm gonna be a blue collar man



Keeping my mind on a better life

When happiness is only a heartbeat away

Paradise, can it be all I heard it was

I close my eyes and maybe I'm already there

Ready to go home. It has been a long day. My last 10 hour day. And my last day with scheduled breaks and lunches.



I'm really excited for tomorrow. It will be interesting to see what happens. Tomorrow will be slow since most of my new team won't be here. I will find things to keep me busy though.

Am so tired today. Have an hour or so of training and am going to spend it upping my page count on VR via mobile phone.



I am waiting for other opportunities to come through. Tired of waiting, though. Very tired. I suppose patience is a virtue, huh?

Meh. Work goes on as usual. Little stars in the sky light the way forward. A faint smell on the wind tells me good things are ahead. It is faint, but there nonetheless.



I go forward with the understanding that hope only means something for the innocent. I am not one of those any more. So there is no hope, only the expectation of results oriented action. And consequences to actions taken today.

Well. We are now down to 6 supervisors, my team is one of many with no supervisor.



I have had 3 supervisors in the last 2-3 months. Haha. And now I have none. Changes are never easy in the workforce and keeping people in the dark is a bad policy.



I'm waiting to hear if I'm going to be one of the second round draft picks for a supervisor role on the other side of the house. And I have an opportunity possibly in Nebraska.



Really? I would be satisfied to move out of here at this point. I'm keeping my options open. And maintaining a positive outlook is becoming more difficult.



But I am hoping to get something out of this massive series of changes. I need to make a few rounds during breaks and lunch. There are always opportunities in the wake of change.

And no I'm not going to bore you with the details. Because I'm fully aware you don't care. That is all.