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after seeing many forums and posting to them I have decided to enter my personal thoughts on the matter into my journal so here goes.



I would say that it is most defiantly a choice for some, as there are those who like me, I

grew up knowing and enjoying the company of a vimpiric community, where people do live as vampires (some say a lifestyle, ie clothing period or not drinking of blood and energy). While in that life yes some drink and feed off each other whether it be by physic energy or the act of drinking blood.

While in this community I did meet a partner who I did let finely feed off of me, my blood and I was his doll, (very enlightening and erotic) and yes after a year or so I was gifted at yule from my partner with fangs, detachable dental fangs from"dnash" (http://www.dnash.com/main.html)

sharp enough to brake skin, and yes I to now feed in a circle,(I choose a circle for the safty of the blood we are all tested ever 3 months when we donate blood at the blood bank,) A circle is safe and friendly. but That was my choice. Yes I feel it was always in me for I had always feelt something was missing and this was it. the life of a vampire. I have always had the gift to see and read auras but that did not fill the void I had and once joing the community and making my life the void was gone.

While I have been doing this for the last 8 years of life (9 yrs. in Dec.06), I do though find that it is hard to go without the taste of blood, so I would say my choice as now become my need. While yes I can live with out it, I do go thorough what I guess would be withdraw when I do not get blood. SO yes it can start as a choice for some but led to so much more.



While there are others of sorts who have no choice and suffer from a medical condition, which is known as Porphyria: a condition, which has been postulated by some scholars to have inspired the vampire myths of the past. Sufferers of Porphyria have pale, flaky skin and are very sensitive to sunlight. Their gums often recede excessively, giving their teeth an elongated and fang-like appearance. Porphyria is caused by a deficiency in the enzyme which helps produce heme, a constituent of the blood which helps carry oxygen throughout the body. Most people who suffer from Porphyria are known to need blood transfusions to help in oxygen flow for the body. Dr. David Dolphine was the first to suggest that Porphyria was the inspiration for at least some of the Mediaeval vampire myths, contending that some of the sufferers may have been driven to drinking blood in order to relieve their symptoms. As a result the condition has come to be known in modern times as “The Vampire Disease”, so for some people it is not a choice as to the need of blood.



SO with all that said for some of us out there it is our choice to live the way we do while others can not help but live the way they do.



J.

Well a new year is here, my bday is in a couple of weeks and it I don't feel any better about it then I did last year, I am no where near being old; just old enough. I have not made any New Year reservations or promises I know I will break. I do want to look and feel better about my self but how doesn't. I know I could use to lose a few pounds and I am working on that at 5'9 and 25 years old I feel being 150 is a little much. I plane to drop at lest 15 pds, by Beltain I hope I can do it, if not I will just keep trying.

Rowan says I just over analyze myself and that I am fine, but I think he is just trying to keep me from having a break down like I did last year.



On other news:

The kids are back with us so life is back to normal. No more hang ups or holdups in the room I think I will miss that for a bit, I had fun with that while the kids where with the grandparents. Life was like it use to be; when we first got together. Fun and full of life, no more going to bed early just to get up early with the kids, no more mom I need this and mom he did this, she pulled my hair, I want that, and bla bla bla, wawawawa. Though I did mess them while they where gone.

It was quit and like being a teen again, I actually got to enjoy my age instead of feeling 10 years older, I felt 10 years younger. Oh I can’t wait till summer comes and I can send them to grandma and gramps again for a few weeks. aaaaa the silent nights.



I guess I will have to see what this year brings It should be a good one, its an even year so that is always good. And things are going good for the most part so far. I do seem to be suffering from the flu at this time but that will pass just need to down a few bottles of Nyquil and all will be good again.



Well I am babbling now and its time to feed the kids so I will get going.

J.