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If You Really Wish To Harm Someone, Expose Their Spine To The Air And Let It Dry Out. This Is What My Spouse Has Been Dealing With For Two Years Now. When She Was Hospitalized At Stanford Two Years Ago, For Two Months Straight, Apparently The Attentive Nurses While I Was There, Became Un-attentive When I Had To Get Some Sleep, And Would Stop Turning Her So She Developed A Bed Sore So Deep And Nasty That It Exposed Her Spine, The Last Two Vertebra The Coccyx, Her tail Bone And The One Right Above It. When They Start To Dry Out, Which Is Virtually All The Time, The Pain Becomes Intense, Worse Than Any Pain She Says She Has Ever Endured, And She Has Endured An Entire Gamut Of Them, All Over Her Body. So Take My Word For It, Exposing The Spine Is The Worst. No Need To Go Out And Try This On Someone, Believe Me When I Tell You, It Is The Worst. After Awhile I Suppose The Mind Even Compensates For Pain, Although At A Level 10 Pain Constantly From The Coccyx To Her Myriad Other Problems, She Can Still Make Herself Function Somehow??? I Suppose That Even Pain After Awhile Becomes Just Everyday. I Have Been Told By A Friend On Here That There Is A Place That Souls Go In Her Beliefs, That Are Just Mediocre Souls, Not Bad Or Good Just Average. They Are Sent To A Place that Is Is Like A White Void, Up Down All Around White, And That This SPECIAL Place Is For Mediocre Souls To Wander In Infinity, Sounds Worse Than Hell. I Believe That If There Is A Hell, You Come Over The Centuries To Get Used To Your Daily Ration Of Pain And Torture. That Is Why That Wandering Around In A Lighted Void Sounds Much Worse, Reminds Me Of George Lucas' First Film, THX-1138, There Is A Chapter In That Movie Where When Being Punished, People Are Thrown Into A White Room That Is Enormous, And They Just Wander Around Till Released. Well My Mind Is In A Strange Place Today, In Gentlemanly Respect, James.

COMMENTS

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NeverMind
12:06 Sep 26 2015

Like I said to you in private message, I'm so sorry for the things she is having to endure. I really am. This is horrible.

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Just Checked The Satellite Map Of Where Some Of Us Are Coming From, State,Country. It Shows Me In The Northern South, Well My Family Does Claim Southern Heritage, As A Privilege Not A Right . But This Map Has Me Extremely Far From Wear I Dwell On The West Coast, Pacific Northwest, California To Be Exact. So I Hope Someone Is Not Being Dodgey And Stealing My Name And Location, That Would Be Grounds For A Special Session Of The U.N.!!! Just Being Stupid, But It Is Strange That I Am Placed Here, If Anyone Can Clarify For Me Why, I Would Appreciate It. In Gentlemanly Respect, JamesTheArbiter.

I Have Just Been Accepted Under The Mentorship Of The Coven I Most Wished To Join, And Be A Loyal Member Of. I Do Not Feel It Is Mete For Me To Name This Coven, Or Mentor, As I Have As Yet Not Reached Level 20. Which Then Is When I Will Be Inducted To The Coven. My Thoughts At The Moment Are Like Those When I Made The Cut In The Military To Attend E.O.D. Training, The Truly Gratifying Moment Will Be When I Am Fully Accepted, And Inducted Into The Coven. I Wish So Much To Know My Elders, And Other Acolytes Such As Myself. I Shall Wait In Patience For The Summons Of My Mentor. My Father Who Died At A Very Early Age, Told Me That When I Was Olde Enough, He Would Teach Me About My Families Lineage All The Way Back To Us Being Druids. Unfortunately For The Both Of Us, He Died While I Was Still To Young To Appreciate What He Wanted Me To Learn. I Have Felt His, And The Lost Verbal Knowledge Of My Families Past Most Exquisitely Painfully. Perhaps This Mentor And Coven Can Open Doors For Me That Have Remained Closed Far Too Long. Yours In Gentlemanly Respect, JamesTheArbiter.

Well Today Started Off Just As Bad As Al The Others Have For the Past 6 Years, Since Learning My Spouse Is Dying Of Starvation. I Had A Vision From The Otherside Not Too Many Nights Ago, That Basically Showed, And Let Me Experience Some Of What That World Of Wonders Is Like. First These People(BEINGS???) Said They Had Watched Me My Whole Life, From My Failures,Screw Ups,Bad Things I Had Done In The Past, As Well As My Triumphs, The Love I Have Unknowingly Given To Others, And All The Good Things I Had Done In My Life, They Had Been Watching, But A Heartbeat Away, They Never Told The Name Of The Place My Wife Would Be Going, Only That Nothing, Vile,Wicked Or Evil Could Exist There, No More Pain As Well. They Explained That On They're Side Of The Dimension, These Things Were NO MORE. If One Wished To Make Love All Day Long, One Could, And I Must Admit That For What Seemed Like The Longest Of Time That I Was There, Here It Was Merely Minutes Or Hours, I Spent Making Love To The Most Beautifully Seductive Women I Had Ever Had The Honor to Meet, They Explained To Me That Making Love(TRUE LOVE) Was The Highest Expression Of That Emotion We Know As Love, Of Course There Are Other Variants Of Love, Like The Love Of Ones Children,Wife,Family And Unselfishly Yourself!!! But The Actual Union Of Two Different Souls In The Making Of Love, Was The Purest Form. All The Women I Bedded, Were Equal In Every Way To Myself, If Not More So In Certain Areas, As I Was In Certain Areas As Well. I Suddenly Felt Guilty All of The Sudden, And Ignorantly Asked, "But What Of My Vow To My Wife To Never Bed Another But Her, Their Reply Was That I Was Thinking In The Skewed Way Of Thinking On Our Earth, This Was A Human Thought, Not Natural, And It Had Infected So Many Things That Could Have Been Wonderful, But Were Destroyed By This Guilty Feeling. They Have Tried To Excise This Out Of Existence, But Because So Many Felt That Sex Was An Act Between Two Consenting Adults Only, And For Procreation Only, They Said That It Was Not Within Their Power Any Longer To Change It. This Certainly Baffled Me I Must Say. They Explained That The Creator(WHO THEY NEVER NAMED BTW), Would Have Never Put Such Desires As Sex Into Us Through Hormones And Pheromones If They Were Not Intended To Be Used. Boy I Thought, We, Human Beings Have Sure Mucked Things Up!!! But They Assured Me That When My Wife Came Here, She Would Learn All These Things In Joy And Happiness, And That Because Of The Love I Have Given Out, Not Asking For Anything In Return, Even Though I Had Killed More Than My Fair Share Of Men, Both Good And Bad During War, I Had Done So To Save The Lives Of Those Men That I Loved, And Although They Did Not Agree With This Vile Human Affliction, They Understood Why I Had Done What I Had done, To Protect Those Men I Loved As Brothers. They Said They Were There As I Took My First Human Life At 22 Years Of Age, A Human Life, Face To Face With This Man, Like I Said Before, Only A Heartbeat Away. And His face Is Burned Into My Mind forever, And If There Is Some Measure Of Justice In This Universe, I Will Someday,Some Year, Some Life, Get To Speak With This Man As A Friend, Share Tea, And Talk And Reflect On The Both Of Our Actions. Well This Is All For Today,Although I Would Ask That Others Please Make Me Their friends, I Will Return The Favor, I Also Seek A Mentor Of My Own Ilk(VAMPYRE),And That He/SHE Teach Me All That I Must Know, I Will Be Like A Sponge To His Knowledge, I Have Been Warned That I Am To Olde To Turn, But The Only Vampyres Cannot Be Ones When Mortal, Were Only Brought Over When They Were Between 16-30, There Must Be Other Elders Out There That Were Changed Late In Life!!! IN MY MOST GENTLEMANLY RESPECT, JamesTheArbiter.

I Am A 47 Year Olde Male, I Am 6'0Ft In Height, I Weigh, Depending On The Time Of Year, Between 220 LBS To 245 LBS, Holidays Are When I Weigh The Most, I Would Guess. I Have Been In A Marriage For The Past 21Years, My Wife's Health Is Deteriorating Daily, She Had A Gastric Bypass Operation(DUODINAL SWITCH), Where They(The Doctors, Were Much Too Aggressive), Basically Removed Way Too Much Intestine, And What Was Left Atrophied And Died Over The Course From 2004 Till 2009, When We Realized She Was Literally Starving To Death. She Had Mal-Absorption, Which Meant She Could Not Digest Her Food Properly And Was Therefore Starving To Death. As There Was No Visible Sign In My Wife's Behavior And Ability To Remember Things That Something Was Wrong, We All Just Thought It Was Because Of Her Doing So Well On The Surgery. That I Ascertained Something Was Wrong, In 2009, And I Ordered Her Into The Hospital, At Which Point She Got Down To 86LBS, And Her Being 5FT8, Made Her Appear As A Survivor Of Auschwitz Or Sobibor Or Treblinka. By The Grace Of Providence, We Got Her On A Solution Known As TPN(TOTAL PERENNIAL Nutrition.) She Was On This For 3.5 years, And Had Bloomed Back Up To 145 Real(HER OWN) Weight. But Then She Started Having Pressure Headaches, And After Being Sent To An Optometrist It Was Determined That She Must Have Blood Clotting. So After A Series Of Testing,MRI,CT SCANS, AND ULTRASOUNDS. It Was Determined That She Had An Enormous Blood Clot In Her Liver, Clotting In Her Jugular As Well A The Sub-Clavea And Right Side Of Her Brain. They Just Tried To Do A Surgery On Her, A Kind Of Last Gasp Sort Of Thing, And The HEAD BARIATRIC SURGEON At Stanford Informed Us That There Was No Way For Her Body To Heal It's Self, Any Longer. He Even Stated That He Wished They Had Never Gone In,PERIOD. He Told Us That She had Very Little Time Left With Us, But We Have Heard The Same Speech For The Last Two Years, That At Most She Had 6 Months To Live. So We All Felt Like Here We Go Again, And No Sooner Had We Brought Her Home From Stanford, That She Started Out With A Low Grade Fever, And Also Had Copious Amounts Of Bile, Hydro-Chloric Acid, And Puss Spilling Forth Out Of A Port That Was Supposed To Be Anchored In Place So This Would Not Happen, But Unfortunately It Did Not, And All Day Long We Would Clean Up One Disaster, To Have Another One Start In Say 15-20 Minutes. I Was Exhausted As Was She, And Scared That This Vile Fluid, Was Going To Eat A Hole Out Of Her Stomach From The Outside In. So Basically I Got Up One Day, She Was Babbling Nonsense, Like Things That Had NEVER Happened, To Thinking She And I Were In Hawaii(WE HAVE NEVER BEEN TOGETHER), And Was It Not Nice That Grandma Miriam Had Payed For Our Entire Trip(GRANDMA MIRIAM HAS BEEN DEAD FOR GOING ON 15 YEARS NOW), So I Took Her Temperature, And It Was 102.8, So I Called The Paramedics. She Has Now Been In Two Different Lengthy Stays At One Hospital, Then Sent To An Acute Care Center, That Is 150 Miles From Home. That Is The Main Duty Of My Life, Taking Care Of Her, As She Took Care Of Me When I Came Home From The First Gulf War, With PTSD, I Hate That Darn Moniker!!! So She Helped Me Through This, But I Never Let My Command Know What Was Happening, As Having PTSD, Is A Death Sentence To Ones Military Career, So My Love Helped Me Through Those Times When I Would Fly Out Of Bed And Hit The Deck Covering My Head, Believing We Were Under Attack, Her Soft Patient Female Voice Would Finally Penetrate To My Sub-Conscious, Then My Conscious, And I Would Awake To Her Stroking My Back Gently, I Perspired So Much During These Episodes, That You Could Wring The Sweat Out Of My Shirt, Like I Had Just Been Sprayed By A Water Hose. So Because Of This(AND THE FACT I LOVE HER DEARLY) I Proposed To Her After A Few Months, And She Accepted, If On Certain Key Issues I Would Stop. First And Foremost, No More Drinking,EVER, And Two I Quit Chewing Tobacco. The Alcohol Was Easy, As I Was Already Seeing That It Was Getting Me No Wheres Considering Every Off Time I Had, I Would drink To Excess, But I Always Still Remembered Come The Next Day, Plus I Began To Hate The Flavor Of Beer, Of Which Once I So Loved, Like A Samuel Smiths Oatmeal Stout. It Was The Tobacco That Was The Truly Difficult Thing To Quit, Coming From A Southern Family, Both Of My Grandmothers Chewed Levi Garret Snuff, I Know, Your Probably Thinking About The Movie Deliverance Right Now, But In Truth, It Was Common For Women From The South To Chew Tobacco At This Time, As It Was Considered Un-Lady Like To Smoke, And My Grandmothers Were The Very Images Of A Southern Belle. We Have Many Doctors, Lawyers, Construction Company Owners, Jewelers And Such In My Family, And No We Were Not Hill-Billies, But We Are Darn Proud Of Our Southern Heritage. I Have Reached The Realization That My Best Friend In The Whole World Is Likely To Be Leaving Me Soon, So I Came Here To Pass the Time, And Figure Out Why I Was So Drawn To Vampirism, Blood, And All The Thoughts Associated With It. I Believe I Suppressed These Awakening Feelings While In The Military, So As Not To Distract Me, I Have Been Told that One Can Only Hold Them Back For So Long, And I Am No Longer Doing So, I HATE THE SUN, It Burns My Skin(YET I SPENT SEVERAL YEARS IN THE DESERTS OF SAUDI-ARABIA,IRAQ And KUWAIT. I Suppose I Was So Busy Trying To Do My Job, That I Blocked This Hatred Of The Sun Out. Now I Try To Keep Things As Dark As Possible, At Least What My Mate Allows Me To Do, As The Darkness Effects Her Psyche, So I Can Only Keep My Back Bedroom Relatively Dark. I Have Been On This Site, A Premium Member, And Have As Of Yet To Find A Mentor, I Would Be Loyal,Truthful And Serve As My Mentor Bid. I Want To Know ALL OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF MY KIND, THE KNOWN,THE SECRET AND YES THE FORBIDDEN, Like A Sponge I Want To Soak It All Up. I Was Taken On By A Mentor But I Found Out That They Did Not Believe In Vampyres, So I Quickly Asked Them To Drop Me As My Mentor, They Also Wanted Me To Join The Jedi Knight Coven?!?! I Mean No Offense When I Say That This Is Most Assuredly Not The Coven For Me, I Wish To Be In A Coven Of My Own ILK, So As To Learn ALL That It Means To Be A Vampire, And If I Have Altered My Awakening By Refusing It For So Long, I Am Ready Willing And Able To Have A REAL VAMPYRE Turn Me, Through The Giving And Taking Of Blood From One Another. So If Any Out There Hear My Call In The Darkness, Please, I Beg You, Come Forth And Indoctrinate Me, I Will Be A Most Resplendent Pupil!!! I Must Go For Now, I Hope None Have fallen Asleep Whilst Reading This, FELICITATIONS, JamesTheArbiter.

I Have Often, Especially During My Adolescent Years, If One Could Actually See Death, When Their Time Comes. I Always Would Come Up With These Morbid Scenarios Of The Figure Of Death, Skeletal, Sickle In Hand, Long Dark Unkempt Robe, And Only The Suggestion Of A Face, Oh Yeak And Skeletal Hands. The Reason I Am Bringing Up Long-Ago Thought Of What It(DEATH) Is, A Fallen Angel, An Angel That Was Given This Task Specifically To See Us Into The Afterlife. Now After Sitting With My Ailing Wife, I have Begun To Have These Absolutely Strange Feeling That Death Is Near, I Do Not Know If It Because Of Pheromones In The Air I Recognize Unknowingly Because I Have Been Around, Seen And Caused Much Death. Could It Be That Because I Did These Things To People, I Neither Knew Or Cared About, Which Is A Hard Thing To Do, No Matter How Hard You THINK You Are. I Presuppose That Perhaps I Have The Ability To Sense It's Actual Essence, Whatever That May Be, Because I Have Been Around So Much Carnage. I Bring This Up Because As Of The Last Week Or So, I Have Been Sensing, What I Believe Is The Physical Embodiment Of Death, It's Physical Form(AND EVEN THAT IS A SPECULATION), As Death Must Have The Ability To Exist Physically, But Because It Is On Another Plane Of Existence, We Only See It When Our Time Has Come. I Mean I Am Sitting Here Writing, And Because Of An Interdimensional Being Is Occupying The Same Space As Me, But At A Different Frequency. Meaning That We Are In The Same Place, Just On Differing Levels Or Planes Of Existence. Like In The Future Or Past, Or In An Altogether Differing Plane That Is NOTHING Like Where We Reside At All. In Our Dimension, It Is Me In My Living Room Typing Away On My Computer, But In The Same Place Of Space But A Differing Dimension, It Could Actually Be The Middle Of A Large Body Of Water, Or Perhaps I Am Amidst A Group Of Entirely Alien Beings(TO ME), That I Do Not See, Or They Me. It Reminds Of An H.P. Lovecraft Story,"From Beyond" In Which A Professor Has Designed A Machine Based On Magnetism And Harmonics, That When Turned On Allows Us To See The Other Plane Of Existence, But Most Terrifying Of All, They Can SEE US As Well. And These Are Not Nice Benevolent Beings, But Beings That Are Perpetually Seeking Prey, Or Hiding From That Which Hunts Them. A Truly Horrific Scenario. So Back To Death, I Ponder This Once In Awhile, What Is it That Death Has Gripped Our Minds As To Look Like A Grim Reaper, But Is Actually Death. My Wife Has Been Seeing Things In Her Sickness, Like Black Forms, in Her Room When She Awakes, Almost To The Minute, At 3:15A.M. Every Night. Does She Sense The Presence Of Death It's Self, Because As She Is So Close To Passing, The Barriers Between Our, And Their Planes Of Existence Slowly Start To Merge, When Death In Our Form Actually Happens, We Are Ushered To The Other Side By This Being Death??? I Do Not Believe That DEATH Is Evil, As At One Time Or Another We Actually Meet Him!!! Why Is He There To Claim Us, Is He Weighing Our Souls Of Good And Bad, Thereby Taking Us To Whatever Dimension He Deems We Go. The Evil, Maybe Not Hell, But A Place To Learn From Their Mistakes, And How Their Actions Effected Those Around Them, And The Good Get To Do Whatever Pleases Them, Be It Making Love, Eating,Singing Or Playing A Musical Instrument For That Matter. Or Just Perhaps Visiting With Loved Ones Long Passed, To Exist(IF THEY CHOOSE), To Remain With For Eternity??? I Know Wife Has Been Seeing Things, She Thought There Was A Man Dressed In Black Surgical Scrubs In Her Room With Her One Night In The Early(3:15 AM) Hour. She Said She Woke To The Feeling Of A Gentle Touch To Her Forehead And Thought It Was Me Or Her Mother. When She Became Cognizant Enough, Or Wide Awake, She Realized It Was A Figure Standing Over Her As I Described Already, Scrubs And All. The Worst Thing To Her About This, Was That She Could Not See His Face, Because He Was Masked Up. She Told Me That In Her Heart, She Knew It Was No Doctor Or Nurse, Or Me, Or You, Or Anybody From Our Plane Of Existence. it Really Scared Her At First, But As She Was Becoming Frightened, The Figure Simply Disappeared. I Have Heard That When ONE Is Close To Death, That They See Spirits Of Those That Have Already Passed, Sometimes Not Even Realizing That What They Saw Should Not Have Been, As The Loved Ones She Is Seeing, Have Been Gone From This Earth For Awhile. I Know A Pretty Weird Thing To Discuss, But Man, It Has Me Wondering, She Said She Sensed No Evil Or Malice, But Neither Did She Sense Any Overpowering Wave Of Goodness Either. This Is The Way I Would Hope The Afterlife To Be, Not So Sickeningly Sweet For Those Good, Nor So Damnably Bad For Those That Made Mistakes In Life, I Hope It Is Like Here, With Both Good And Bad, As One Cannot Experience The Heights Of Joy, Without Knowing The Lows Of Despair. Well This Is My Strange Journal Entry Tonight At About 2am. I Need To Get To Sleep As Well, Heck, It Already Is, My B-Day. Happy B-Day To Me, I Just Turned 47. But I Still Feel Like I Am About 25-30 Or So In Age... Felicitations, JamesTheArbiter.