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Update!
14:12 Sep 30 2008
Times Read: 696

I haven't been updating much because I have been feeling emo. Emo is not especially conducive to good journal entries.



I am still on the same damn book cover project and I am starting to twitch any time I see just how much I still have to do on it. However, when it is done, it will be epic:D



I had a soul destroying consult with my rheumatologist in which everything I knew already was confirmed. I have now been discharged because there is nothing they can do for me. It sounds odd, but I like to live my life with a sprinkling of denial. The denial means that I can do things that I am not meant to be able to do or am not supposed to do. For me, quality of life is a great deal more important than safety. Now I am stuck with rules of conduct that are set in stone. With any luck I will forget them at some point soon and get back to being myself:P



Weight has been up and down like a yoyo but is stabilising at the lower level. It is impossible to get a good indicator of weightloss while I am on medications that cause me to swell up, but you can all trust that I am doing all I can to keep to my weightloss challenge commitment. It just sucks that so much of what I take works against my goals. I don't think I will hit my goal by christmas, but I think I have done all I possibly can, and have lost as much weight in this time as has been possible for my body to do. Take my word for it that I will shed all the weight that I promised and more. It is just that my body will take its own sweet time about it:P



I am looking forward to the new year. I have a bunch of special projects on that are quietly stacking up which makes me happy. I whine non stop while I am painting, but to be honest, I get a great deal of satisfaction out of it, and I suspect it keeps me going a lot more than I realise. It might be a while before I get on to my own work, but it is worth it. I am planning on working on some graphic novels when I have some time to call my own and with any luck I will finally be able to make use of some of the amazing people who have volunteered to model for me. I am not sure how successful it will be as a business venture, but to be honest I do not really care if I make money or not. I just want to have things in the world that I have created which will have my name on long after I have gone:)



This is probably enough rambling for now. Hopefully it hasn't been too emo:P

My dream
06:49 Sep 20 2008
Times Read: 752

I had one of those dreams that left me drenched in sweat and breathless. Joli has suggested I write this one down because it feels like it really means something.



I am standing in a room with young black men. They are the kind you would see anywhere, dressed like typical teens. They are using a name, I think Mama Angelou, so reverently in the conversation. An outsider questions them on this in an ignorant way and they all turn on him as one.



I am then walking through the streets in a long queue. I am wearing a long robe and at my belt are many religious charms. I hold the one of the cross in my hand, look at it and tuck it into my belt to hide it. It is not welcome here and I see no christians in the crowd. It is not that they will be harmed, simply that they are not wanted. At the end of the long line, blessings are being given, this is why people are queuing.



I see a corpse, but it has been mummified with age and is being treated like the most sacred of relics, and I know it is hers. I see a pipe for smoking laid on its chest. The body is taken from the people who love it, quite forcibly, and tossed to dogs. I see a dog tugging at this frail torso and I can do nothing to stop it.



There is so much grief and rage at this desecration, but not a single violent action occurs. It is like a switch has been flipped which transforms all of the pain into strong will and thought, a need for change. This grows into an uprising which cannot be stopped. It is not a violent uprising, more like a wave of will that cannot be resisted, and it spreads. As it spreads, the world changes with it.

Weightloss Challenge! Stardate 39485831
02:17 Sep 16 2008
Times Read: 777

I forget what week I am at, but I am happy to report I am now at 261, so that is 19lbs down. Please, no one do the math. I still want to delude myself into thinking I can do this on time;)

Oh god, I might have a life!
01:55 Sep 08 2008
Times Read: 807

My project has been given a 2 month extension since the writer is delaying the book until possibly christmas now. I think I am going to give myself a few days off and do some of the other projects I have had piling up in the sidelines. It is an odd feeling, relaxation. I think I could get used to it. I had completely forgotten the concept of free time!



I am thinking when this is done, I am going to try a more sane approach to my work which will involve 8 rather than 18 hour days. I hear it pans out quite well for people in other occupations and it is novel enough that it might just work:D



I am considering doing some more writing with my new found free time. I wanted to expand on the short story in my historier section and see if I couldn't make a full blown novel using those characters. I think it would be fun. My writer friend told me today that you only need to sell 5000 copies of a book these days to get on the best seller list. It would be fun to see if I could accomplish that at some point in my life. I have never really aspired to be a rich woman, but I would love to be able to leave my mark on the world in a way that people could see after I was long gone.



For all of you people who have been wondering about my health, I am healing up at a decent rate. I am still moving around like an old woman, but Joli and Occam would argue that I do that anyway. I make noises like an agonised broken door when I get up to walk to the bathroom.



I have new medication now since the fall managed to push my neck just that bit too far, and I have developed vertigo with the nerve damage. They are really nifty. If I take one with a tranquilliser, my brain is freewheeling like a thumbcat caught in a spin cycle within about five minutes. I actually fell sideways off my chair the first time I took one, and then I was afraid to take the second. I am getting used to them though and I am nearly past the point of quaking in fear whenever I need to take one.



The important thing though, is that I am back up and about and generally making a pest of myself online again. This means I will hopefully be making more entries which I can almost guarantee will not involve painting:P

Spooky shit:)
12:44 Sep 04 2008
Times Read: 871

I have this horrible niggling feeling that I have inextricably fucked up but my brain is all foggy and it feels like a really constipated bear took a post hibernation dump in it. I expect I am either going to be emo or embarrassed when I find out what I did, so in the meantime I am going to take advantage of my blissful ignorance and my new HOLY FUCK! How much space?! flash drive (I love it, want to snuggle it and have little dreams of marrying it) to transfer some pictures so I can instead show you some cool 'haunted' pictures.



Maybe Occam or Beastt can tell me how my camera might have fallen over enough to get these shots. The ones prior to and post these shots are fine. They are of a carved maori house front I saw in Manchester museum. I couldn't stop staring at it, so I decided to get some detailed shots so I could study the designs more at my leisure.

This is the first one I took which turned out normally, if rather blurry. I had the shakes bigtime that day. Don't judge me!







This is the second one, I have another like it but repetition is boring. As you can see, there is a really easy spot the difference contest here:P



I did write a witty and original ending to this which involved curses, ghost warriors and other stuff, but for some reason the second picture decided it didn't want to be shown in this post. Instead it put up thumbcat instead. Then I edited it to make sure I had put in the right picture and it decided to wipe out the second half of my entry instead. This is attempt number 3 (scratch that, number 4...5...ok, this is taking the piss now, 6). I am onto its nefarious plans now and am going to smite it with copy paste! Mwhahaha!



Also, 263lbs! 17 down now :D

PRIVATE ENTRY
20:54 Sep 03 2008
Times Read: 893


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •

Bleh
20:04 Sep 03 2008
Times Read: 909

I feel like fucking shit and my mood is even worse than I feel.



Your mission, should you choose to accept it, say something nice to me. Something that will make me smile, laugh or in general feel good about myself.



Lay your nice things on me!