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...as I sit here at the end of a long weekend...I look back in amazement and wonder where it went? ..what did I accomplish? am I any better than I was on Thursday night? and the answer is no...I was a fool to believe that one weekend would take away all the pain that is bestowed upon me daily....now it is late and I am awake...knowing that I should have already fallen into my slumber hours ago...and in the morning I will be weak...it will be painful to get out of bed and face the world again....I wish I could just crawl into a hole...

....just when I thought the pain was so unbearable that I was already frantically seaking some sort of relief...whether at the bottom of a wine glass or the end of my Marlboro Light...I came home.



ripped from my chest it was....guilty of nothing but punished nonetheless....I thought that I had finally found a place for my Bleeding Heart...a place where there was no limitation on the possibilities of what I could become....a place where no judgement would be passed...a place where love would extend across continents and seas....



but I was wrong....you see...no place like that exists in this world. I was a fool to believe that I could somehow patch the already massive crater found beneath the skin of my chest....a fool once again....



I followed again...to self-destruction....now only the blades that talk to me can ease the pain that I feel....they have become so dull....and I again have become so numb...when will this mutilation finally take away the pain for more than just a mere moment?