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Immortalfear's Journal


Immortalfear's Journal

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1 entry this month
 

02:08 Jan 29 2012
Times Read: 540


Do you ever wonder if there's something wrong with you?

Im sure this isn't something that happends to everyone some people are lucky everything just falls in line for them Money, Boyfirends,Marriage, kids a great job they love going to every day?

Then there are some of us who don't know weather we should wind are watch or scratch are ass. It seems like no matter what we do who we try to impress it doesn't matter we still have no ideal where to go or what to do just simply lost..

At some points in are lifes we swear theres something wrong with us We step in gum and trip on are face's stumple over the cutest guy then end up leaving the club by are selfs..

Im 23 years old and have no ideal what my dream job even looks like not married have no kids also still living at home with are parents or parent. Now im not saying this isn't my fault i didn't finish high school due to i was having to much fun with the wrong kind of people as are parents have told us all growing up. I desided i could work instead of go to school that didn't turn out so well i ended up going through five or six jobs in a year im still doing it. So i guess what im saying is it just seems like some of us don't belong in this world where is all the out of this world men? You know the one's that Fly through the night hold your hand an tell you how pretty you are and that theres nothing to worry about the guys from the sloppy love storys the Carpathians and vampires? Hell id date Dracula if i thought it would change my life any bit I just have this feeling i could go any where in the world and everyone in it would all be the same i want something out of this world im tired of day and night the same things same cheese sandwhich same car same flower.

there isn't really a point to this blog maybe it doesn't even make sence maybe im just venting

Even if i can't have all that i would settle for a life something like sex in the city if you have seen that show then you know what im talking about The two L's Labels and Love every since i was a kid and seen those types of shows i wanted a life like that women who have money in there pockets confidence they know how to stand up for there selfs but most of all they knew what they wanted out of life or should i say they had a ideal. I don't know maybe one of these days i will head to New York city and try it for myself yes i know most of there guys turned out to not be Mr. Perfect But thats the fun of learning.. Each person is a step to finding Mr. right.. right? I always wanted to be a writer in New york city it might have helped if i had stayed in school and took a typing class or two.. I never wanted to write about my life im still yet to find anything exciting there i always wanted to write.. Love storys actally Paranormal Of course it was Feehan,Rice,Kenyon who put that in my head all three great writers might i add... Im thinking what had stoped me is this oh so busy life of mine Don't get me wrong i can write any story you tell me to write i just lack the motivation i guess you could say. I use to love to write i use to write all the time about everything but that was when i had all the free time in the world when i was allowed to sit down for a few hours without anyone hanging over my shoulder or people fighting non-stop. Hmm.. im not sure where im going with this. But i remember a time when i really thought i was gonna be a writer someone to make other people laugh and escape from there day to day lifes.. but so far im job-less living with my parent again.

I feel like im sitting in a glass dome by myself watching out the glass at the people doing what they dreamed of doing with there lifes while im still trying to find this glass door still hoping someone will hold up a sign saying this is the way to the door of YOUR dreams not anyone elses... Im so tired of people saying here! this is what you want to do this is where your heart and dream is then me having to say no hunny this is your dream not mine. Im sure i should try something atleast that will get me on my feet a head start at life a step in the right direction of what ever it is i want to do theres been so many things i wanted to do with my life but with in time i seem to loose intrest in all of them for a time i wanted to work as a vet then it was a mechanic, teacher for a time i was a C.N.A. but it turned out i didnt want to do that ether. Now i look back on them and they dont sound so great to me... im just simply lost I dont know who i am or what i want to be. So im right back where i started Lol. Well im late for alice's Rabbit ball (life) so i guess i will be on my way.


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