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I don't know what to do. I hurt someone that is very close to me and I didn't mean for it to happen. I did the worst thing possible, I lied to her. I did it out of respect and embarrasment. I didn't want to drive her away, but I now know that it hurt more than it helped. I don't know if I can live with myself anymore. I'm a terrible person for lying to somone that I care so much for and I don't deserve to be alive. My presence on this earth is descracing. I don't think she realizes how sorry I am and just how much I like her. She listens to me and tells me nice things, things that I don't hear often. She makes me feel special and wanted. What happened has torn my heart in two and I don't know if it will ever heal, even if she DOES forgive me, which is highly unlikely. I messed up and don't know what to do. Crying over it won't help, but the pain is to much. It really does hurt. I can't stand it, I don't know if I can truly face her again. Not with this. I don't know how long it will hurt, but I hope that she will forgive me, even though I don't deserve to be forgiven.