Rambling about my week ...19:45 Jun 30 2006
Times Read: 712
Well lets see now .. it's been a long nine days since I last wrote .. that is disregarding the Rant the other day ... I've had to take several more days off to recoup ... all last week after the surgery I was so fucking nauseous that I stopped taking my meds for my back all week and even the anti-biotic I was supposed to be taking for my hand/wrist for a full 24 hours ... just to try and figure out what was making me sick to my stomach ... my primary had perscribed me a time release version of my regular back pain killer ... after waiting a full 24 hours I was still a quite a bit queasy and end up chucking ... after about an hour or so I was finally beginning to feel better and knew that I had to take my anti-biotic so as not to get an infection in my incision ... and low and behold wouldn't ya know it ... about an hour after taking it I chucked it up ... now I knew what was making me so sick, luckily for me I only had one more to take .. I figured at least if I took it an it took a hour before I got sick then at least SOME of it got into my system ... after finishing those I waited another two days before taking my pain pills again ... mind you all the while I'm pretty much not doing anything because I fell like death has warmed over me ... see this is just the reason that all these years I've refused to take anything stronger then Aleve for my pain .. while the Aleve didn't do a whole lot for me really at least I wasn't taking any narcs and taking a chance of becoming addicted or worse as I was so sick to my stomach that I couldn't function more then getting up in the morning getting my fiance off to work, then coming home and having to lay on the couch most of the day ... I'm not used to this, honestly I really hate I mean seriously hate the pain because 7 - 8 years ago the was little that kept me down, and that little was when the pain got too much for me to ignore, my pain tolerance was much higher back then ... as the years have passed it's gotten smaller and smaller .. GRRRRRRR ... I hate having to take medicine just to be able to be up and about and keep my house in order ... it fucking sucks and there are many days now when I contemplate deeply as to why I was allowed to live ... why did the gods choose to keep me alive rather then let me die as a baby ... and yet now again i am faced with the situation again where my heart has a hole in it again, only this time it's a different chamber ... I'm so fatigued all the time, but yet when it's time to go to bed at night I constantly just lay there tossing and turning bearly sleeping, and when i finally do fall asleep I'm plagued with nightmares and blinding headaches that bring me to tears where I can do nothing but sit there unable to stop them from falling. I take a few aspirin and crawl back into bed curled in a ball until I drift out again. I feel awful because my fiance works hard and I try so hard not to wake him, but he's an angel, he'll get up with me and massage my neck if need be, get me my asprin, hold me, whatever I need to feel better. Then when it's time to get up I know he's awfully tired, so i do everything I can to make things easier for him, there's very little I ask him to do, the only "chore" I ask of him is to take out the trash and occasionally carry the load of laundry for me if there is a big load. Otherwise I manage to do everything else, slowly a little bit at a time throughout the day. There is nothing I won't do to make him comfortable when he gets home, get his coffee, make dinner, do the dishes and everything else just so he can relax. And I absolutely love doing it, I have no complaints what-so-ever, and as far as I know, he has none either, least he's never said anything to me, infact he's actually always asking if there's anything I need help with... But anyway's kinda got to wandering ... this past weeks just kinda been like hell for me, I hate feeling sick to my stomach, I hate when I can't focus my mind and think clearly, I abhor my headaches, I hate that when i get to feeling this way there's not much I'm physically capable of doing so needless to say my house begins to look like a tornado ran threw it. I even had to enlist the help of my neighbor to help me with my laundry that's how bad it's gotten. Then on Tuesday morning I went in for my angiogram and was at the hospital from 8 in the morning until almost 7 that night. It took the doctor much longer to do the procedure because I guess he found more then what he thought he would .. I won't know the results until the 13th of July so we'll see .. but I've been in so much pain since then ... I wasn't able to eat or drink or take anything from midnight on Monday night so when I got there and they had me all prepped they put me on this really thin hard table with a pad on it that's maybe 2 inches thick, I couldn't move my arms and see I can't normally lay on my back at all because of the bar in my back being up so high that my lower back automatically arches inward when laying down, and they wouldn't put anything under that part of my back so needless to say I was in excruating pain even though they were giving me vellum and something else to help it ... once they were done and I was finally on a regular bed, it wasn't much better because it was almost two hours before I could lay on my side .. then i was stuck there for 5 hours so they could make sure the bleeding was fully stopped since they put a catheter in a major artery when they do it. But finally I was like one of the last people of the day to get to go home. the rest of the night before I finally went to bed I laid on the couch and had to keep my right leg straight so i didn't rip the clot out ... I couldn't even take my pain killers and the ones I had at the hospital had long since worn off. I finally laid down for bed and slept rather badly just trying to get comfortable, at least that night I didn't wake up with a headache thank the gods for small wonders. The last two days I've just been taking it really easy trying not to do anything to start the bleeding and so far, knock on wood I've been doing ok with it ... you know a person could bleed to death from this if not careful. I'm sure there are a few here who wouldn't mind that, but like I said in my rant ... I think I'll stick around a bit longer to be a royal ass to some more people .....
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