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I am literally just mentally and physically exhausted. I fell asleep for about twenty minutes watching tv at work with my individual. I'm surprised she didn't try and take pictures of me sleeping to blackmail me. I fell asleep twice. Ugh.

I'm not getting enough sleep at home. I work 12 hour shifts overnight, and then when I get home I have to let my dogs out before I go to bed. I sleep for maybe 5 hours, which isn't enough for me at all, and then get back up and do it all over again. Husband loves making the comment that I just sleep all day, and he doesn't take into consideration everything that I do household wise before having to go back to work and doing all of my individuals household stuff. It's exhausting, specially when you're getting little to NO help at all on your own homefront.

I finished the dragon diamond painting that I was working on. I believe I added it to my portfolio. My individuals mother bought a rainbow zebra for me to put together for my individual. I am enjoying it a lot, because the colors are so freaking pretty. I will upload it to my portfolio when I finish it as well. I think I am halfway done with it. I sectioned it off into like 8 peices, because it's the biggest I have ever put together, and I have done four sections. The shape of the painting itself is kind of akward though, so it might be a little under half. It's in progress! I am off tonight (sunday night), but I am back monday night, I might work on it some more. I am going to give myself til Friday and I want to be done with it. I ordered a couple more off amazon since me and hubby both got paid. I ordered a serial killer diamond painting and the american flag animal bundle. I spent like $50 on diamond paintings, so my husband is probably going to kill me. Let's hope it's after I finish them and add them to my portfolio for you guys to see. Haaha.

I can't remember my password for my work note taking service. I'll have to call IT in the morning and have them reset it. So, I guess I will just have to hand write my notes up for tonight and type them in tomorrow. I got my check stub today, I'll bring home $1470 for two weeks. I have $920 of that going back out in bills alone. I need to spent at least $100 on groceries, another $75 on household items, plus gas for the week, my son has a fundraiser at school. I have two credit cards I am hoping to have completely paid off by the end of next month so I won't have to worry about that. Those total $600 by themselves. I have a tire plaza credit card for when I got my car fixed that I owe $1400 on. If I pay by August 6th I think I won't have to pay any interest, so I definitely need to get that paid off. I should have it paid by 8/6 if all goes well. I'm just seriously tired of being in debt and worried about money all the time.

My individual at work is making my job harder than it needs to be lately. She knows I am uncomfortable hanging out in her room because there is no audio or visual in there and she's always telling my boss that I won't watch tv with her in there. My boss always has my back because she is also uncomfortable being in there because of the way my individual is, and that just makes the individual even more mad. She told my boss that I was loud while playing my switch, but I have a headset and the people I were playing with got mad because they could barely hear me whispering because I didn't want to be too loud. I think she was upset because I didn't want to watch a documentary with her. She has to understand that I am not here as a friend, I am here to support her and help her with household chores. I work for the company and not her. She seems to think that I am just here to do anything and everything she wants me to do, and that is seriously not the case at all. I do what I can, and I do watch tv with her some times, but if I am genuinely uninterested in something, then I am not going to watch it. I told her that I would sit in there while she watched it, but I would be on my phone doing whatever I had going at the moment and that is still not good enough for her. She just called the police department and the parks department because it is 940pm where she lives and there are teenagers playing at the park behind her house that doesn't close til 10pm. She went in the basement and thought that I wouldn't hear her call and complain. It's going to be a tough night if she is already starting it out like this.

Ugh.

I need a job that pays more. I'm tired of having to live paycheck to paycheck with just $150. Yeah, I know there are people that make less, and I feel like shit for not being greatful for what I have, but I am 100% positive that if I made more money I wouldn't be as depressed and stressed all the time like I am. I don't know where to even begin.

COMMENTS

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PhoenicianDream
09:20 Apr 07 2022

Manifest abundance.

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I have been really down the last couple of days. I feel like I should be getting more done around the house, around the property. I think I am sinking back into a depression that I had to claw tooth and nail to get out of. My husband says I need to go to a doctor and get myself checked out. There are a lot of things that I need to make appointments for, but that is definitely on my list. I need to get my moods stabilized, my weight under control, my overall health back to where it needs to be. I do have my sons appointments laid out, now that we have insurance. His first appointments start next week with the dentist. Checkup and a cleaning. Then we will be making a vision appointment when I figure out where we can go under his insurance. I'll make mine after. My husband needs to take like a week off in order to get all of his done with him working as much as he does. I need to find something I can do from home to make money, I thought about selling the diamond paintings, but there hasn't been a market for them that I can find anyway. I don't know. My mind is in thirty places at once. I just feel incomplete and I don't know how to fix it.

I did manage to get all of my dishes done today, which is something that sadly I haven't done in a while. There is always a pot, a cookie sheet or cups that I fail to finish. Either my back will start bothering me, or my feet. Today, I toughed it out and got 100% of them done. I am proud of myself. I've been getting my steps in every day for about a week, which is something I have actively been working on. I've been drinking 60oz of water a day, and trying to get atleast 22 minutes of "active zone" which means my heart rate is almost double for optimal fat burning. I've either ran down the hill we live on with my dog, or I keep moving through the house without a break.

I think I am going to call it a night.

I dunno if I've done something to offend you, but I've noticed you've come to my page multiple times in the last couple of days. Multiple times a day. So.... what's up? Lol. Do you wanna talk? I dunno...

I will never understand why she is like this. I watched the goof doctor with her, and she's upset because I don't want to watch anything else. I am working on this Diamond painting so I can finish it and start my other one. I spent time with her while she was in the office and everything. One of my buddies asked if I wanted to play Fortnite and I got on. She threw a fit. I should be paying attention to her. Normally she wants to be all independent and alone but when I actually wanna do something she's mad because she doesn't have 100% of my attention. Then, when I go in and pass her medications, she's shirtless which she KNOWS makes me uncomfortable and then going to tell me I shouldn't be uncomfortable because we are both females. I don't give a fuck... You do NOT have the right to tell me what makes ME uncomfortable. It's like she's saying fuck me because I didn't want to watch some documentary or a medical show that I'm just not interested in. Some days she's cool and some days she's just a jerk.

It is 1107pm where I am. I have to be at work until 715am, and I am already so tired. I have done my nightly chores in the house, worked on my diamond painting and watched an episode of the good doctor with my individual. I am so glad that this weekend I have saturday off. The rest of tonight and then I am unsure of what time her home visit is tomorrow night, but I would be greatful if her parent's kept her overnight tomorrow night. I've been sick the last few days and I am still not completely recovered yet. Sigh. A girl can dream.

I have one and a half diamond paintings left. I've gotten kind of slow on them because the last three that I have done have all been dragons. I think I am getting tired of the same colors. I got a four pack so that all of the boys (my son, and my three nephews) could all have almost matching diamond paintings for their rooms. A very good friend of mine wants me to order a custom one for him and do it. It's going to be for his brother who passed away last year. I think it'll be good for both of us. I only met his brother a couple times, but he was just as much family as my friend is. I am also getting a couple of red, white and blue pattern ones for my husband. One has an eagle and the other has a big buck on the front. If only there was a way I could make money off of doing diamond paintings, I would never stop. lol. I do them at work to keep me busy while my individual sleeps. Well, I do them after I get my nightly chores done, but anyway.

Let me know if you want to help fuel my addiction, or if you want me to complete one for you and mail it to you! I've done several of them already for different people. Pictures are in my portfolio! I might get a ring light and start recording myself as I do them and put them on my tiktok. Not sure. I have an hour and seven minutes left of my shift tonight but I am so tired I doubt I will finish the one I am working on. I finished the first one I started tonight though, so I feel a little accomplished. *yawn*

I need some more diamond paintings to do. I thought about adding some pictures to my Portfolio of the ones I have done so far, but unsure if anyone would even be interested in seeing them. I bought a 4 pack of Dragons when I bought my first set. I've done three of them back to back now and I think I am just getting burnt out on those ones. Need some fresh ones, but those are the only ones I have left. I have like 30 different ones saved in my amazon cart. Let me know if you read this and would be interested in seeing the ones I have done so far?

Usually when I sign in here I check my messages and respond, and then I go and look at journals. I hate when I am talking to someone and maybe trying to form a friendship(maybe), just to see in journal entries that they might be beefing with someone I already like and respect. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, honestly, but this person I already know I have never seen her do anything remotely out of line. She goes by the book and was very nice about reaching out to me when I first came back to this site. But, I have also recently tried to keep out of business that doesn't involve me. So, we shall see how this goes.

Alright, so it has been a few months since I have been on here. We bought the house. So excited. We have been making up plans on different remodels we wanna do next year. Right now it's three bedrooms and one bath upstairs with a "den" or "office" downstairs. I want to take the two rooms that are next to each other that kind of share closet space on one wall and basically make a doorway in the closets and take the closet and make it a door and the littler room would become our master bathroom. It's gonna take a LOT for that to happen, but eventually it will. I would also like to take the garage door and replace it with french doors because we don't plan on using the garage to store our vehicles. I want to make the yard a fenced in yard, also going to take some work. Eventually at the bottom of the hill, I would like to put in like a "Bitch Barn" or a a shop for my husband. I have not decided yet.

Work has been going alright. My individual still tests my patience, but I think she's starting to get the point of what she can do and what she just cannot get away with at all.

I have gotten into watching the tv show Lucifer. I started about three weeks ago and I am about halfway through Season Five, I believe. Next I want to start watching Yellowstone because it's a show that my husband and I both like.

My hands hurt from typing and I am at work, and it's med time. Toodles.