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I think I only log on anymore for the journaling, and that isn't very often I don't think. Maybe once every few days? Anyway, I finished the diamond painting for my husband and started on the one I bought my son. I will add them to my portfolio if anyone is interested in taking a peek. I think to say I am addicted is an understatement. It makes the time at work go by faster, and that helps a lot. Specially when I am doing five or six, twelve hours days in a row. Ugh. My back hurts though, only downfall. Someone message me and talk to me! I am bored.

So, we bought two baby turkeys. I made a post on facebook about them and a girl I met like 12 years ago commented and told me that I should get rid of them. When I asked her why, she said because I get animals and then I don't take care of them. I was immediately thrown off. She's refering to 5 years ago when I was at my complete lowest. I lost my job, couldn't pay rent and was being evicted. I asked any and all of my friends if they could rehome my cats until I could find another place to live. Every single one, including her, said no. I had to surrender them to the Humane Society because the owners of the house called and said that we didn't have permission to be there anymore and my grandmother who lived next door wouldn't let me keep them there for a little while either.

I am not that same person anymore. I have my own house, with an acre and a half of land. My bills are paid, even though I am constantly stressed about money. Everything I have, is taken care of. People I know and love, are taken care of. I make sure that I take care of my mother in case she needs anything, I send money to my brother so that he can make it to interviews to get a job now that he lives out of state. I do not understand how someone who seen me at a very bad low, can still hold me to that after seeing where I am now.

She blocked and deleted me because I made sure she knew how I was doing. My main point is that if people cannot see the growth I have made in the past five years, shit even in the past three years. Then get the fuck out of my life, because I do not need your negativity. My life is 10 times better than it was then, and I am 10 times better person for it. I am still climbing this ladder, and I do not plan to stop soon. So if you want to be a witness to the things I am doing, awesome. If you want to hold me to the person I was three years ago, see yourself out.

Thank you.

So, I got a new car. Husband put down the down payment plus his POS truck as a trade in. I got a 2014 Ford Focus, so new to me I guess. It drives really good, but it's not what I really wanted. I wanted the 2019 that they sold on me last monday. I guess I can grow to love it, though. We are going to the bank tomorrow to see if they will give him a line of credit so that we can get our backyard fence built. No more having to take the dogs out one by one, no more having to stand out there or making sure the neighbors dog doesn't run over and get his face bit off by our dog. It's slowly coming together, and I am happy for that, but I just can't NOT think about more stress because of the extra car payment and now a loan payment. I am already drowning trying to keep us afloat and all he can say is I'm the one always spending the money but he's steadily putting more payments on us. I don't know. I hope it all works out in the end, because I am tired of stressing about it all. I need to sit down and figure out how much my next check will be so that I know what all bills need to get paid out of it. *sigh* It's going to be a long night honestly.

Today has been a shit show. I don't remember if I have said this, but sleep shifts started on Monday. So, between the hours of 1230-630am, I am allowed to sleep at work now. Who got caught up watching the "50 Shades of Grey" movies? This dumb bitch. After I left work at 730am, I went alllllllll the way home to grab my husbands child support card, cause ya know it didn't make sense to save gas and just have him bring it TO ME on his way to work, oh no. Anyway, go home, let the dogs out and grab the card. Drive about 30 minutes to the bank for them to tell me even though we have a bank account together, I have to have HIM come in and take money off the CS card because my name isn't on the child support card. Waste of a quarter of a tank of gas, and an hour I could have spent sleeping. Then, get to work and my individual is upset because my supervisor and I are having a conversation in another room and she can't hear us. So what does she do? Say we are triggering her because we are whispering. I am not about to yell my conversation at my supervisor just so you can hear it. She called her mother and said my supervisor called her ridiculous, even though she never did. The shit I go through with this girl is just too much sometimes. Why are you trying to get someone in trouble just because you weren't part of the conversation. It's either us go into another room because you say we are being too loud, but when we go to another room you say we are whispering. Please, for the love of Holiness, 1230am come quick.

Also - I get my new car tomorrow. Granted, it's a 2014, but it's new to me. I cannot wait. 2014 Ford Focus. Can't wait to finally be able to go get my Momma and bring her to see the new house. Now, if everything else will just fall the fuck in line, I would be a happy Karon.

The sleep shifts for overnight started on Tuesday, so why am I not able to sleep? My head is pounding, it's so fucking hot in this house and I just feel like crap. I still have about an hour and a half. I might go try and stretch out on her couch and maybe use my co-workers fan to cool off. Not much I can do about my head though, until I get off work atleast. I might stop at Walgreens if they're open and get some extra strength excedrin. This shit blows man.

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PhoenicianDream
03:08 Apr 22 2022

Being hot is the worst.

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Well, they sold the car that I was looking at. Now, my husband and I are going to look at cars together on Monday. He wants to get a 2014 Ford Focus, and I am fine with that, but I will wait to get my hopes up until we are actually sitting in front of it. I want something new enough that I can do Uber eats in, or DoorDash. I drove for them when I first got my fusion, and I would make around $150 a night. If I could do that again, I could potentially get some of these debts paid faster. I'm not even sure if I want to put them on here. Hah.

I have been sick the last few days. I've had such a headache that I'm literally throwing up. It started around 5pmish on the 19th, and finally stopped on the 20th around 3pmish. My head is still killing me, but I am very thankful the vomiting has stopped. My individual would throw a fit if I was at work throwing up. It's not like a stomach bug, I think it has something to do with the headaches. I'm not completely sure though.

I hate catching people in lies. I lost what I thought was a friend in the last week because I caught them in a lie. It took me a minute to actually think about some of the stuff they were saying and the time lines just didn't add up to me. When I sent them a message and called them out on it, they have not messaged me back. I guess I'm not too worried about it. But why'd you have to lie, for real? I just don't get it.

So, I have been stressed about something the last couple of days. I forgotten to take my glucose levels the last two days. I will start fresh on Sunday, hopefully. A friend of mine told me I should take them when I wake up, around the middle of my day, and right before I sleep. They recommended as well, that I write down everything I eat and drink, any exercises, steps taken a day(thanks to my fitbit) and so on. I have two notebooks ready for all the information, and I have alarms now set daily just so that I don't forget. Hopefully, within two weeks, I can have some solid numbers to take to my PCD and get all of this figured out and taken care of. It'd be a lot of stress off of me, but not nearly enough for me to be even halfway less stressed than I am. Hah.

I decided to get a 1 month premium membership. I have been coming back on here daily on the nights that I do work, even if it is just for the journaling and talking to friends. I think the most my level will go up is with time spent and page views. I don't rate anything nearly as much as what I used to when I was first on here. I lost my laptop cable, and I just do not have the motivations to rate from my cell phone. Speaking of which, that reminds me to look up a charger cable for my laptop. I'm hoping it doesn't cost me an arm and a leg considering my check next week will have two days instead of my regular seven.

I'm not sure what my check will be, but I already know I have about $450 I need to pay on bills. I am hoping that his check comes in so that we can go pay off my current car that he is taking over, and get me the new one we have been looking at. We should have enough left over to pay on some bills as well. That would be nice. I need to log in and transfer his weekly put up for the house payment and pay the lawnmower payment and figure out just how much we have left to last us til next payday. Weeks that he gets paid and I do not are rough, but we make it through. He got his raise so we went from having $150 to last us a week to roughly about $300 on average. It's still not nearly enough of a cushion as we would like, but it's slowly getting better...

Alright. Time to do some work. Oh! Before I forget, I have finished another diamond painting that I will be adding to my journal and my tiktok if amyone is interested, look for it tomorrow or send me a message and I can send you my TT info! :)

I am tired of feeling lost. I have been doing nothing but sleeping lately. I will literally go to bed at 1am, get up at 430am with my husband, go back to sleep at 5am, wake up at 7am with my son, go back to bed at 830am and sleep until 3 or 4pm. I get up, I do dishes and laundry, do dinner and then I just bum the fuck around. I can't go anywhere in the stupid ass truck because she's leaking oil, and now husband thinks he blew a head gasket. We are possibly trading it in for this 2019 fusion that I have been looking at, but we have to wait for his back child support check because I missed work the last two weeks because my individual was with her family and then she had surgery. I think once I actually get another vehicle and I can get out of the house more, it might improve my mood. My mother still hasn't been able to come out and see my house and we moved in the end of January. I think that's something that's damaging my moods too. She goes above and beyond to see my sister and her kids, but not for me or my son. I understand that my sister lives a lot closer, but she doesn't even call my son, and she makes a point to call my sister every night so that she can facetime her kids. I don't know. I don't feel like she validates my son as my son because is isn't biologically mine. I've been raising him for the last ten fucking years. He is mine.

I don't know. I've also been having weird fucked up dreams. I've sent a few of them to my friend and have been writing them down. If I could get back into writing they would make some good short fictions or something. I have also been checking my glucose and no matter how hard I try to keep it level, my sugar is always sky high. I've been watching my intake and everything. It's just not doing anything. I'm waiting to hear back about my husbands insurance, because the only doctors around me taking new patients are all male doctors, and I just don't feel like I've ever been taken seriously by a male doctor because they do not go through what females do. I don't know. I feel like I'm just ranting now.

Soooooo... I did a bad thing. My mental health has been in the dumps for a while now. I usually brought myself up by dyeing my hair all crazy colors or doing stupid shit. Well, since I haven't had the funds to dye my hair because I would have to bleach it and it's already fried, I made another sacrifice to the mental health gods. I cut about 4 inches off. I feel a lot better. It's not so hard to manage anymore, I can actually brush it without crying because it was literally just so long it kept tangling back into itself. Neither my son nor my husband noticed. I pointed it out to my son and he literally told me my hair has always been shoulder length. Thankfully, after I cut it, I put the dead hair next to the pair of scissors I used to cut it and took a picture after I cut it. I showed him the picture and he goes, Oh wow, yeah that is a lot. Smh. If I ever go missing, I wouldn't be surprised if they had people out looking for someone that is not me, lol.

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PhoenicianDream
09:19 Apr 07 2022

Do you ever use temporary hair dye? I got pretty good results the last time I used one of those.

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