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10 entries this month
protection
22:24 Nov 30 2009
Times Read: 627
These are my real feelings, ones that i cannot control.
i have this primal feeling. one that comes from within. a feeling to protect and be fierce at the same time. to run off anyone who feels as a threat. to be jealous, and to be rude first before getting the whole story/situation/introduction. i always feel threatened. that someone will take my place.
but they cant. because i run this show. i am the Alpha and the Omega. NOBODY can get in my way. i have to be in charge and be THE ONE. NOONE can take you away from me. EVER.
what happened to you?20:14 Nov 28 2009
Times Read: 631
How can you say you love them? You dont call, you dont visit. WTF? you upset me beyond belief. You are an alcoholic, selfish bastard who cares about nothing but himself or what you can get .
Once this year you visited and then a phone call to see them for the holidays. Its like the rest of the year doesnt even matter or they dont even exist . Why do I even bother with you?
Because of the kids. They still have hope for you. And that is the saddest part of it all. They are the ones that are gonna get hurt and you dont even realize it. if you do, then you dont care.
what happened to you? you used to have a thoughtful heart.........
PRIVATE ENTRY
15:30 Nov 27 2009
Times Read: 632
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
this is me
01:14 Nov 22 2009
Times Read: 640
no more will i hide and be scared to show the real me. scared to show my true feelings, the REAL me. i am passionate and affectionate. deal with it. this is me. I LOVE ,I HATE ,I FEEL.
i used to worry what people think but no more. no more hiding
this is me.
i will not hide my face for what i believe or who i believe in. these are MY dreams and you will NOT take this away from me.
this is me.
you may not like me, i dont care, i never should have. you are useless to me if you cant see the real me and accept me.
i am love i am a friend i am a lover i am a fighter i am passionate. i am ....
this is me
PRIVATE ENTRY
11:57 Nov 21 2009
Times Read: 641
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burn
20:52 Nov 08 2009
Times Read: 654
do you ever feel that what you are getting is never enough? yeah. uh huh. i know. me too. i have this need that is never filled. this yearn for more. more love, more attention, more everything. i need it. i crave it.
now
today
GIVE IT
love
lust
want
need
give me love. show me tenderness.
love me, beat me with your love.
i dont understand
the reason
this burning
this want
but its there
always ~ in the back of my mind
pressing me forward
show me
teach me
love me
never let go
PRIVATE ENTRY
00:22 Nov 06 2009
Times Read: 659
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....do you really?....18:48 Nov 05 2009
Times Read: 668
i had a close friend once on here. he disappeared. without goodbye. messages sent and and sent, no reply to any.
so i decided to call him to see if he was alright bc you never know what can happen. no answer. i left a message.
and today, low and behold, a message. saying that he is missing me. but been extremely busy lately.work,school, etc.
i know i shouldnt care but i do. i know i shouldnt love but its there. dear friend, i miss you. i hope you realize how your actions effect me. dont break my heart again.
feeling a lil better
03:41 Nov 05 2009
Times Read: 671
today i felt a lil better
smiled a lil more
laughed a lot~ thanks to SNL
and a shopping trip with my kids
and i got some green .... money? maybe
i talked to my BEST friend, love you Sondra.
and.............less than 16 days til New Moon!!!!!!!
yes i LOVE LOVE LOVE this series. if you dont, TOO BAD!!!!!!!!!!
happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy
Dr Jekyl
23:19 Nov 02 2009
Times Read: 675
You are the weirdest person i have ever met. you insult me without thinking that i have the brain to know that you are. do you think that i am stupid? i guess you do.
when you say that my daughter acts like me because she sees me doing it, that is a direct hit at me. she takes it to the extreme. i have a handle on my life and what i do.
you say that you obsess over things. well buddy, so do i. when you say that you cant get a breath, or a moment alone, that is a slam at me to get away and leave you alone. when you say these things, i sit and dwell on them and wonder what i did wrong for you to want to be away from me.
well i will leave you alone. i will leave you the FUCK alone. i am sorry that i am a bother or a nuisance. i am sorry that i like to spend time with you and enjoy your company. well NO MORE.
do you not realize that your words have meaning? that they have power? well they do. they cut. they cut like a knife. your words have stabbed me repeatedly in my heart and my heart hurts.
you are like Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde. this is the way YOU wanted things. this is the way YOU wanted me. up here, in your house, alone with you, away from everyone else. away from all the drama. well you cause enough drama with your baby bull shit.
you fought tooth and nail to have me, and now that you do, its like you intentionally try to sabatoge things. sabatoge us. i dont know if you do it on purpose but DAMN there is a stopping point somewhere. GET OVER YOUR BABY WAYS DAMMIT!!!!!!!
do you not remember all the days that you cried for me to be with you? do you not remember all the days you spent writing poetry to me or making me presents? well I DO. how soon we forget.
you tear my heart up a lot lately. maybe you should take a look at what you got before its gone. long gone.
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