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5 entries this month
I see a Bad Mood rising!01:12 Jan 31 2006
Times Read: 949
I'm sorry if I've been a bitch lately, but I can't be happy (or at least my version of happy) all the fucking time.....
I have the male version of PMS
Pissy
Mood
Syndrome
I havn't been sleeping, people are pestering me for shit, and I have no money for anything!
If anyone is allowed to be pissed off, It's me!
I don't need apologies, I don't want forgiveness, I just need to let the Bitchy Demons out of me!
I need to Whine, to Rage, and to say FUck off every so often....
It's not personal..... If it was, I won't say anything, but instead I would cave your head in!
My advice: Let it blow over!
If you need to talk to me.... make sure it's really important!
Ask me carefully! You are handling very explosive content!
And be prepared for me to ignore you.....
When the Bitchfest ends, I will be my usual Morose, depressed, heart-broken, flirteous, silly self again.
Not much of an improvement, but better then now!
From a disturbed mind.....17:54 Jan 24 2006
Times Read: 964
I just woke up from a dream that is disturbing me. It's amazing what the subconscious can show you in a dream…
I open my eyes and I’m surprised. The last thing I remember is putting a gun to my mouth and pulled the trigger, and now I have a ¾ inch size hole in the back of my neck just below my skull. I’m back in my old house with my parents and things are “normal” as I look around, acting like nothing happened. I move my fingers to where I feel the thick bandage and like it all sink in. I almost killed myself, but why did I do it?
I think I got curious, too curious, as to what would happen if I pulled a trigger as the gun was in my mouth. I’ve always had a morbid fascination with suicide, like why do people do it, and why do they choose the method of their death. I’ve only once ever entertained the notion of killing myself, and that was when the girl I was in love with broke my heart in the worst possible way. But despite being dangling over the abyss of sadness, and pain… I didn’t do it. For more then one reason, I wanted to live.
But now here I am, with a hole in my neck, and no real explanation as to why I did it. I look around my surroundings and take everything in. Everything was like how it used to be… before my folks moved to Florida and I moved into my apartment. I was in my old Kitchen, running my fingers on the table… and then walk up the stairs to my bedroom.
My room seemed curiously clean… like I hadn’t been there in ages, but I figured that was because I had been in the hospital from my injuries. The furnicure was not mine, but yet it was familiar. I looked at the bed, thinking this was the place I almost let curiousity kill me. I went to the lamp beside the bed, and tried to turn it on, but it wouldn’t work. I got angry, and my Mother came in and wondered why.
I said something like, “Christ, doesn’t anything ever work for me?” as my mom turned the lamp on, and I saw the mess on the bed-sheets. There was so much blood, it was soaked into the sheets, mattress, and even the lamp-shade. I was revolted, and then I heard my Mother say, “Look at all this mess you caused…”
I then woke up in my real bed and the real world… I moved my fingers to the back of my head to feel for a bandage that wasn’t there. I was relieved! This dream scared me… Why did I dream it… I don’t know, but I had to write about, and get everything I could down before I forgot. I can’t afford to forget this dream or I might miss it’s point… whatever it is.
I fucked up.....06:31 Jan 17 2006
Times Read: 983
Last nite I made a huge mistake.....
and I knew it was a mistake the second I did it.
I wish I didn't do it.....
I wish I was stronger,
but I can't help how I feel, and it's killing me.
Someone said I need to remove myself from what is doing this to me, but that would mean removing myself from something that is too important to me.
I wish I had a good clue on what I should do, but I don't and until I do, I'm screwed.
I hate how this is effecting me.
What sweet music they make.......03:49 Jan 12 2006
Times Read: 990
I'm making arrangements to head into the recording studio......
I will be recording four new songs and I'm planning to release them and other songs I recorded on a new CD....
I'm still thinking on names for the album, but I'm leaning towards "120 proof and Sucker free!"
But as the 2005 year taught me..... anything can happen..... so wish me luck!
Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home!08:00 Jan 08 2006
Times Read: 1,000
After spending 10 days with my family, I've come to a conclusion.....
I'M THE ONLY SANE PERSON IN THE FAMILY!
I'm not saying I didn't have a good time, but how much insanity can one person take and still remain sane?
But all that is over now, and I'm back home.... safe once again. I missed my apartment, and it's quiet, somber feeling.
And it will be good to get behind the wheel again, and drive to my favorite places.....
And it's cold again!!!
While I was in Florida, my folks complained that 69 degrees was cold...... Bullshit! When I walked out of the airport into 30 degree weather....... That was COLD, and I fucking loved it!
Unfortunately, when I got home, I had tons of VR House crap to do...... but when you're me..... you get it done!
Now I get to go to sleep in MY bed.... and enjoy dreams again.....
I love being home!
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COMMENTS
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lestatsbride
22:15 Oct 12 2008
Yeah Bitchy demons your not kidding I had some removed from me my self lately and sexual demons that over power u by sex errrrrrrrr