"Jolly St.Nick" my ass!
05:18 Dec 01 2009
Times Read: 788
THE NIGHT BEFORE XXXMAS
by Hawk O’Brian
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the place
The only creature stirring, was my cousin, getting shit-faced;
The stockings were hung on the fire-place with care,
As the stench of stinky feet, wafted through the air;
Here I was sleeping, all snug in my bed,
While visions of strippers, lap-danced in my head;
When out on the living room, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter;
I picked up the phone, to get the Police on the line,
I grabbed my gun, and threw a clip in my nine;
With my glock in my hand, I listened to the sound,
Of something coming down the chimney, falling upon the ground;
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
He looked like a Pimp, in his flashy red suit;
His eyes -- how they twinkled! So glassy and blurry,
He smelled like a drunk, who bathed in cheap Sherry;
This red suited intruder, with a bag full of loot,
Then dropped to his knees, screaming “PLEASE, DON’T SHOOT!!!”
He put his hands to his head, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick;
He was chubby and plump, a drunken old elf,
I laughed when I saw him, and nearly pissed myself;
A wink of his bloodshot eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He got up off his knees and sat in a chair,
Trying to calm down and breathe some air;
He lit up a joint that he found in his coat,
He deeply inhaled, then offered me a toke;
He laid his finger to the side of his nose,
Hearing my door-bell, up the chimney, he rose;
At the door was a cop with a pistol,
St. Nick ran to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
“Boys it’s the cops!” I heard him exclaim,
And he belched, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Run Dasher! Run Dancer! Run Prancer and Vixen!
Run Comet! Run Cupid! Run Donder and Blitzen!
As he made his escape, and drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, I’m off to the Cock-fight."
COMMENTS
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MistressxRobin3
05:58 Dec 01 2009
wow..........
he has more fun then i.....
madamefate
02:08 Dec 03 2009
LMAO