The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

To whoever is lucky enough to be with her next,



She’s jealous. Furiously, viciously, desperately jealous. It’ll annoy you, fuck, it’ll annoy you. But don’t get angry, learn to love it. It means she loves you, she cares. She cares so much. She’ll think every girl can see what she sees in you.



She’s scared of the dark sometimes, she has nightmares, bad ones. Hold her. Hold her so tight, stroke her hair, kiss her forehead, and don’t sleep without lingering your arm around her limbs, please don’t let her go.



She has a sense of humor you’ll never find in anybody else. She’s so funny, a dark and honest humor that will make you laugh until your stomach hurts. She’ll love to laugh, make her laugh. She throws her head back and her hair brushes off her shoulders and her eyes light up so bright it’s indescribable, you’ll know what I’m talking about.



She’s insecure, heartbreakingly so. She always has been and she probably always will be. She’ll put the blanket over her body and she’ll turn the other way if you look at her for too long, but she is beautiful. In every light, in every season, at every time of day and in every dimension of the universe, she’s beautiful. Remind her, every day. She’ll blush and shrug it off but she’ll smile when she thinks about it lying in bed that night, and that’s worth the stars in the skies.



Lastly, she doesn’t give second chances. She didn’t give me one. I didn’t deserve one but I’ll never stop wishing I got one. At every opportunity, kiss her in the street, buy her flowers (she loves tulips), dance with her at parties and don’t break her heart. Please don’t break her heart. Because that’ll end up breaking yours twice as bad. You’ll fall asleep to the sound of her closing the door behind her and you’ll never fucking forget it.



Love her, because she’ll love you. She doesn’t do anything in halves, she’ll love you whole heartedly and she’ll do it so very gracefully. Love every single one of her flaws, if you ever manage to find any, love her how she deserves and don’t make my mistake.



Yours truly,



I lost her

this one is for the kids who sacrificed entire childhoods for their parents



the kids who were gifted reality during the holidays



the ones who knew that coal is a precious commodity

and realized early on that you had to be your own Santa Claus



who raised younger siblings while watching their parents break from mental bitterness of their own childhood



For the kids whose eyes told more about themselves than their mouths ever dared



the kids who were culture shocked into silence



they who had to bring home raving reviews from half wit teachers

praising them on deciphering the meanings of pain in literary characters

while they were starring in their own novels



this one is for the kids who were fed motivation, drive, stress, success

for breakfast otherwise there’d be no lunch or dinner



this is for the kids with sharp minds and even sharper tongues



the ones you could never insult, mock, or hurt

because they had perfected the art of twisting knives into their hearts by their own hands

so that pain was only a word



this one’s for the kids who never got the chance to be kids

who were too busy navigating the middle world between

where they are & where they were

too old to be young & too young to be old

yet neither of either to themselves

He wasn’t the kind of guy all the girls fell for. He wasn’t tall but he wasn’t short. His hair didn’t swoop nor was it the perfect shade brown, and he lacked a flawlessly chiseled body. But despite all this, he did have a chiseled soul, so incised that its only explanation was buried within the hammer and nail of his chosen God himself. He had freckles on his shoulders, and his teeth weren’t perfectly straight. But damn, the way his eyes wrote novels when he caught me looking at him was enough proof of a fiery soul and wicked mind for anyone who dared to notice.



Regardless of our childhood differences, we were just the perfect balance of right and wrong...

I. I miss you, and it’s not like I miss your face, arms, or lips. I could do without, but simply your presence always reminded me of home, and I swear I lost that when you left. You don’t know, I’ve never felt so homeless and alone. No amount of money or possessions even compare to you. I wish you knew but



*delete*



II. You know people always text their lovers in the morning, so I bet its weird that I’m texting you in the middle of the day, drunk at three in the afternoon. Don’t judge me, but I swear this whiskey tastes like you and this empty bottle is like our love. I have practically consumed what was left of it, and there is nothing left to do but throw it at you. But you won’t catch it. Open your arms, open your heart. Please don’t leave now because



*delete*



III. I hate you, hate everything about you. I can’t stand you anymore. but I love you, and I can’t breathe, please, please, answer me, I can’t



*delete*



IV. It’s been two weeks and these 336 hours and 14 minutes have been hell. You used to shimmer like a piece of heaven, but you’ve gone and I’m fallen. And I’ve been trying to be poetic but poetry won’t bring you back to me. Spilling my heart out isn’t helping, so what do I do now, what do I do without



*delete*



V. Hey, how have you been?



*send*

i. sometimes, there won't be enough room for you in the bed after sadness has crept in and tangled itself up in the sheets and rested its head on both pillows. you'll just have to press your body closer and hope you don't fall off the edge.



ii. the mornings will probably be the hardest; no one likes to wake up but this light will bring a certain kind of headache and a certain kind of memory that makes existence feel pointless. the coffee will help a little bit, but it will take a while for the ache to settle in and the sadness to be diluted by other things.



iii. you're going to feel at some point like this is a one-sided kind of love. this is a lie your mind is telling you and their head is telling them a thousand lies like that. they will still love you but maybe they're still getting over having to show any of the emotions that were bottled up.



iv. you aren't going to be able to 'fix' this right away and you're going to have to be okay with that - you knew what you were getting into. sadness can't be turned on and off with a switch but your love and presence will help others somewhat.



v. they may feel everything all at once and they may feel nothing at all and both of these are normal. they may cry over broken dishes and spilled milk or they might watch some heartbreakingly sad movie without even bringing the tissues out from under the bathroom counter. don't expect any consistency.



vi. some days, they won't seem sad at all. maybe they aren't sad at all on those days. this doesn't mean they've been cured, it just means they are allowing themselves to feel and they are finally happy. the happiness doesn't last, but the sadness won't last forever either.



vii. this isn't your fault. don't you dare blame yourself for this, baby. this is because the chemicals in their brain just couldn't get along and it has nothing to do with you.



viii. and this won't last forever. healing is possible but for healing to happen, time has to pass. just be strong vicariously and let them know that you aren't going anywhere. love them with everything you have. this won't last forever. i promise you.

When I love you

I want to hurt you

The more I care for you

The more I want you to suffer for me.



I want to smile at you like you mean the world to me -

and then I will show you how dark my world can be.



There is nothing more affectionate for me than having your permission to make you scream. When I hurt you so much you start to cry, I feel loved more than I ever could ask for.



You trust me not to hurt you in any way you would not want to be hurt. I trust you to be honest about what you're willing to do for me.



There is nothing more entertaining for me than having a (play) relationship with someone I have to constant claim over. Someone who challenges me and forces me to always be at my best. So I can always best them. There is nothing that beats my sadistic grin and my long sadistic laugh before I grab you by your hair and whisper threats into your ear...



There is nothing more emotional for me than having you curl up next to me, longing for my gentle touch. Watching you fall asleep with your head on my breasts while I pet you until you start to hum and murmur from content.



When you love my worst

I will love you best.