The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

02:52 Oct 16 2010
Times Read: 556


Out of Context:

The Seedy Side of Dog Grooming





What could be more wholesome than a pet groomer's parlor? Maybe a cupcake castle run by a family of anthropomorphic lemurs built atop a mountain meadow of freshly washed linens. And only just. At least that was my thought before I started working at ***** Grooming. Back then I was just an doe eyed youth fairly glowing with naivete and virtue. Little did I know the downward auricular spiral of debauchery into which I was about to be hurtled.



Behind that facade of floral scrubs and baby talk there lurks a lewd phonic realm so base as to turn the purest of souls (ehhem...) to the perverse.

To be a blind fly on one of those pink pastel walls would engender visions much too raunchy to utter aloud (for free at least). One would naturally assume that they had flown into the belly of a two bit bawdy house patronized by the lowliest of degenerates, the staff jaded and profane, but candidly efficient. To purge the burden of my oracular abuse I will lay down here a few of the scandalous phrases I have been subjected to the past few months.

-"...You don't get tipped if you don't touch the wang."



-"Michael, if she gets too excited just hurry up and spray in her face."



-"Quit hogging the hose, man!"



-"This big one's going to be a handful, you're going to have to blow him for a while or he'll never finish."



-"That last guy was too rough."



-"I don't like that one, he tries to eat me every time."



-"If he's too much for you just get one of the experienced ladies to come back and do him."



-"He's fine, just shove his head in."



-"That little, cute on just stuck his whole head down my shirt, I'm so wet now."



-"Look out! She's loose and has no clothes!"



-"Oh, he's a biter."