The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

WEEEEELLLLLLLL were to begin???



I am still at wendy's.... as if thats any surprise....

i payed off another bill three left...



My uncle bought his house... so ill be moving in a month and a half there.



yeah and other then that nothing new lol..

Well i was off quite ill actually for some time, but i have returned.... and looking forward to what is to come....



ahahahahahahahaha



damn i g2g... ill be back with a full update.. : )

COMMENTS

-

---

SinginGhost88
23:54 Feb 25 2008

Slacker :P

---

POST COMMENT

I worked from 11.30 am until... 2.10am today... again... lol, Doug at work see this becoming my fortay coming in for what is supposed to be a 11.30 - 6 or 7 shift and not leaving until the next day... I hope that becomes my fortay... think about the money... lol, anyway... im a bit on the tierd side so... of to fall asleep watching Grandmas Boy, damn that movie is jokes... lol aiight goodnight everyone...

Alright...



I have come to an unforseen decision, as you can clearly see it is almost 8.00 and I am not drunk... sobing... or even bitching about the day, the reason for this is simple... you were right...



I do everything I can to be a happy guy, because that makes everyone happy in turn making me feel happy, and I am really good at being the Happy, fun, guy because thats what i am naturally...



Now sometimes... well a little more often then sometimes, but i will not devuldge how truely often, lol, i can sometimes be sidetracked by emotional baggage that I cannot seem to relieve myself off... i.e. the past... I suppose partial reason for this is because I am a very emotional man, and when I am hurt to a drastic level... it stays with me no matter how hard I try to relieve myself of it.



Now quite resently, I got into a... fight, with a very close friend of mine, and i said some stuff that i shouldn't have, and brought up a lot of things that held no barring... I passed blame and a small spot of judgement on someone that has gone through as much if not more than I myself have... and it was inappropriate, wrong, and dishonourable on my part to do such.....

However even in my fit of depressive anger, and attacking her, she has said somethings that made me... just think, over the past 2 days, and straight up... i know you never asked for that... anything I said, and really I don't make any blame for that, my choices were just that mine... I am sorry, and also i need to say that yes... you have been there for me, talked me through some tough things and actually put up with alot of shit a regular friend would not have... and for that you deserve a medal.



Now on to my most recent thaughts... my father always says "Insanity by defenition is doing the samething over and over and expecting different results" so in that spirit I have decided that I must overhaul myself in entirely, and make my own happiness...



I had an idea for something to do for someone today and decided against it... in fear it may have been taken wrongly...

In turn I say that I still despise this holiday... well what it has done to me in the past, but I will do everything in my power to make sure this one and all those in the future are enjoyed, and appriciated... I will make sure that when my Angel is ready, she will not pass me by... but make herself noticed to me as I will be unmissable... : )



... Happy Valentines Day to all those who have someone, I hope they make you feel as amazing as you are, for those who don't I wish harder for you because I know how it is... stay strong...

it appears i haven't been on for a while... could it be because i have been completely smashed for the past couple of days..... probably, so i decided to come on and say why i haven't been on for a bit and so forth, before i start drinking today. :)... whoops too late.



anyway until i sober up ttyl

aiight my last shpiel kinda focused on being alone, and i don't want people to think im just crying from the bitter cold that has become my love life...



no far from it...



I had a chance to go to school and make something of myself... but no, i became the door mat to my heart and got married to a lying, manipulative, hurtful, powerhungry, using BITCH!!! that forced me to give up what was everything in y life... then when it came time to actually work at our relationship... she said i wasn't worth her time... WHAT THE FUCK!!! again... why... but whatever the past is done and can't be changed...



my new question is this... does god have it fucking in for me? why is it that the harder i strive to get further in life... to possibly become something, repair the damage i cause with my brothers... he decides to shove that pink rubber dick up my ass again... throwing shit left right and center to fuck with me... to screw shit up...

like fuck give me a break... have i not paid my dues? do you want a pound of flesh or something? FUCK...



I work my ass off every day to make money to pay off the bills my ex decided to leave me when she drained the bank account before saying she didn't want to be with me, and i get notices even though im paying them saying we want money or we'll take you to court and take our money... then my finalization of the divorce is in june. and i have no idea what the fuck will be going through her twisted fucking mind...



*sigh*



and im in this alone... shit again to the whole loneliness thing... im sorry it is the one thing i hate more then anything else in the world is to be alone........



FUCK I HATE ME!!!! SO MUCH!!!!



there is so much i would change... so much i wish i could change.......



i wish i could find someone that would care for me... like i do them... maybe then i could find something to be happy about.... maybe....



aiight i think im done thanks for putting up with my shit.................



i am so buying HARD LIQOUR tomorrow... and i will be comatose... so in advance goodnight....

what the fuck is the purpose of my life?



does it fucking serve one? am i here to be the fucking door mat to everyone? the guy who just goes along? I have dreams and shit too!! why the fuck don't they fucking matter? why the fuck do i have to be utterly fucking alone with noone and nothing to look forwared to? nothing that makes me happy....



wait thats the fucking shit right there!!!!!!!!



I HAVE NOTHING THAT MAKES ME HAPPY!!!! my life is a fucking shell of bullshit, working, paying out, and bending the fuck over so life can shove the dildo of shit so far up my ass i can taste the pink rubber....

i have nothing to look forward to tomorrow!!!!

nonone to look forward to being with!!!

everyone i care about i let down!!!

and anyone i become interested in getting to know... well the whole dildo thing applies here too...



I CANT EVEN FUCKING WRITE ANYMORE!!! MY MIND FUCKING HURTS!!!



and i don't know whats the fucking problem... well i kinda do but i know no way of helping it....



i need something... i dont know what, and i dont know were to get it... or where to get it...



FFFFUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!



I HATE THIS!!!! ITS SUCH BULLSHIT!!!!!



!!!!~~WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME~~!!!!



and no that is not a retorical question, someone please tell me. Why am i unattractive? why am i always fucking shit up? why am i SO FUCKING LONELY!?!?!?!?



just why........................................?



could there be a fourth...?

just to clear some things up this rant im on right now has no roots in one peticular... subject, but a full list of shit that really i have no reason to go into detail on this medium... really i dont understand why i feel this way so that in its self would hinder my ability to go into great detail...

anyway i digress....



i figured i should go into a bit of detail on the whole attempt at darts... which is strange because im usually not that bad at darts...

but i couldnt concentrate... i couldnt aim my shots... i couldnt make the calculations to design my take out attempts...

i shot below a 35 average... and to save the very miniscule amount of dignity i have right now i wont list the actual average... but as i stated before it was pathetic.. we lost by the way... i missed 4 take outs, all of which the oposition claimed on the next shooter... i let myself down, i let my team down... fuck i just seem to be doing that lately... aparently im letting my brothers down because im never around and they need me... im letting my parents down because the best wish they can possibly have for me is that i pay my bills off before im braught to court... im letting myself down for more reasons then can be listed... and even now i cannot stop the tears from streaming from my eyes... so BAM there goes my masculinity complex...



I really do have noone... and i guess its better that way, i have to many people to let own as it is...



and as concludes part two... and i dont think im done yet....

I am tierd but i can't sleep.

My mind is full but i cannot concentrate on one thing, and it seems the harder i try to be happy, the more i realise i don't have much to be so about...



i have some of the obvious things like my bills are almost paid off, i have a job, i have some friends, and i have my family... sometimes...



Why is it then that im so lonely? it doesnt make sense i have people to talk to, i hang out with friends at work, i play football on the weekends... and why do i have this lacking feeling of worth again... wait not worth.... accomplishment.... as if i have and have done nothing in this life?



Why is it that i am supposedly a great friend... but nothing else? why am i such a nice guy? why am i so stupid when it comes to any topic that has any real grounds in life?



Today i went paid some bills, and went to darts... which is the reason for my previous entry, it completely encapulates my success at darts...

It seems i am stuck in a fucked up pit of quicksand, while on a usual basis when something goes wrong, then something else, and another, ect, ect... but the one im in the harder i try to stay optimistic and happy the further i sink into this shit pile of a feeling... and i cant understand......



I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!

im fucking lost and i have no clue what i did with the fucking map, as if i had one to begin with...

my heart and mind are fubared... aka FUCKED UP BEYOND ALL RECOGNITION!!! and i have no idea why... i have stopped being over analytical, im going with the flow, trying to relax... and all i want is a bottle of cc and a case of coke to make it all go away!!!



this is just a depressive lack of sleep, lonely, hurting, completely fucked up rant.... there may be more to come... stay tuned....

fucking pathetic.....

i just got back from strath... awesome, i love being with my brothers, and my family for that matter.



aiight lets start from the beginning....



Friday...



I got picked up by my dad, and we headed into Strathroy. We got there and my brothers and their girlfriends were over, and they rented a movie... Saw 4, yeah i know... : ), my mom who is training to become a chef just like i will be, made chicken fajitas and nachoes for dinner... which the nachoes got left there as i sat in on a rather amusing financial family meeting, to find out that Molly my moms adopted dog ate all the meat and cheese of the top of the nachoes and left the chips as if we wouldn't notice, then layed on the floor infront of it as if we wouldn't think of her... so funny, the look she gave my dad when he was like "Who the hell ate the toppings off all the nachoes and none of the chips!!" priceless. Then later that night after my mom and dad went to bed me and my brothers got stoned and played guitar hero, which i must say is awesome on weed....



Saturday...

My mom and dad left to go into london, and my youngest brother went in later with his girlfriend.. so what do me and andrew my middle brother do you ask??? we went to his buddies house got stoned again and played soul caliber for 3 hours and watched family guy... lmao...

then we went home, Andrew thaught he lost his wallet... (left it on his dresser) so he was freaking out, my mom found it later that night. So we play some poker, then my dads like... how bout some hockey.... and this is like at 12.20 am... so we go downstairs turn the couch chairs on their sides to make some nets, and we play 2 on 2 hand and foot hockey, so fun, Me and Andrew vs My Dad and Boo. Me and Andrew won!!!!



Sunday....



We went to church... well my parents chuch is less a church more of a bible study with new age christian rock and a cool pastor that relates the bible to everyday life rather than spit rules and regulations that nobody that say they follow the religion actually follow... so it was pretty fun... then we went to my cousin Nathaniels birthday and i think i've taught him that everytime you win at something the proper response is "yeah baby!!!" so just imagine a 3 year old boy, playing a game of something winning and with a huge grin saying 'yeah baby' lmao soo cute thats my cousin.... then back to my dads place for SUPERBOWL!!!!

N.Y. Giants beat the N.E. Patriots... FUCKING BOOYEAH!!!! I HATE TOM BRADY!!!!! lmao....

this weekend was sooooooooooo awesome.

I will not be on this weekend...



HANGING WITH MY BROTHERS!!!!!!!!

FUCKEN EH!!!!!



anyway ill see everyone on Monday.. :)