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With each day i spend upon the earth i seem to lose a part of myself. I can remember those years before. When i was young to this lifestyle and fresh. Now as the years pass like minutes i wonder what shall happen to me. Will i be forgotten like so many others? Will my memories haunt me? I wander from continent to continent searching but for what? Why? As i walk the streets of this busy town in the states i see people that remind me of life before my sire. When i had the chance of a family and children of my own. Now i sit and watch the mothers with thier newborn babes, and yearn for my past.

I do not regret my choice. I would have died if i hadnt chosen him. But it doesn't stop my mind from wondering what might have been. Would i have had children? Maybe become a Grandmother? Yet when faced with the choice of death from smallpox or life eternal i chose life. Was that wrong? My wanting to live, and escape the death and destuction of smallpox, taking it's toll on my family?

I've pondered over this for many years. Did my father ever try to find me after my disappearence? Did my siblings survive the pox? I don't know and my long sleeping heart yearns to know, yet i still stay away. At night when the young people are out having a jovial time with friends I smile and watch.

He told me once that with on choice we must make sacrifices. When i was dying he gave me a chance and i took it willingly. Yet some say it was wrong. I have had people hunt me down. wishing to destroy me. But why was my choice such a bad one? When i sleep i see my family as they were. Healthy and happy. I don't want to remember then as they were when i changed. Sickly and dying.

I made my choice. I know that for the rest of my time on this planet that i will wonder "what if" But if i was given the same choice to make, i think i would do it again. Yes now that i think about it. I would in a heartbeat.