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i am numb inside yet i don't want o admit why. its because my heart has been torn in 2. i left someone i loved to persue some one that could truly make me happy. yet he rejected me. or so it seems. i just wanna die. the feelings i have for him i thought were clear. but apartently i was wrong. which hell wouldn't be the first time. i just wish that he were honest with me nad didn't play these bullshit games!

MY RAGE PUMPS THRU MY THROBING VEINS AS THE ADRENEALIN RUSHS. ANGER FILLS ME FOR I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THIS WOULD HAPPEN. YET HE DOESN'T HAVE THE BALLS TO TELL ME HIMSELF. HIS DADDY WILL BE DISAPPOINTED AND HIS FRIENDS WILL GO STRAIGHT TO HELL. RAGE AND ANGER FUEL THIS EMPTY VOID INSIDE AND INSTILL THIS BURNING DESIRE TO SLIT MY WRISTS AND JUST BLEED FOR AN ETERNITY. NO ONE KNOWS THE PAIN I AM FEELING INSIDE AND NO ONE KNOWS THE HURT. THE ONLY THING I FEEL NOW IS ANGER, PAIN AND HURT!!!

my sweet dearest BEC is my heaven on earth. but JJF is hell on earth and i'm caught in the middle. one knows i'm leaving and the other denies it. today JJF looked in the closet and realized that it was 1/2 empty. it seems so hard to let go and i know i can and want to but i dont know at times if i'm strong enough to handle the pain and loneliness that ensues after an ordel like that. i mean hell i i've been with him for like 3 years. but i know that its not that forever kinda love. if you read this and know what i'm talking about i'll gladly take some advice. i know who i wanna be with but i don't think that he wants to be with me forever or anywhere close to it. but he is highly desired on my end. and i know that he desires me but i don't know how serious he is. and hell that ain't something that you can just throw up into the air. oh wow i'm babbling. im goin