The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

my heart is breaking, yet not knowig completely why.



i wanted so much to try and make this time different.



shock and hurt surge thru me like nothing i've ever felt.



i truly thought that he wanted to see where things took us.



just goes to show a how wrong they can be.



i don't understand. i cannot comprehend this turn of events.



my eyes want to cry.

my body wants to expel this treacherous feeling inside.



my mind is screaming at my heart.



how could i have been so naive and apparently rediculously hopeful!



i wash my heart would stop breaking.



i wish this pain would just cease to exist.



i wish i could cease to exist. this pain is just too much.



if i didn't exist then the pain wouldn't be consuming me from the inside out.



i am just regretting ever being "brought back to life". i just wish "immortality" would set in.

i hate feeling like "everybody's fool".



i hate this feeling. just wish i could be "Numb" inside.



i wish i could be the heartless bitch i once was.



the hurt and the pain is too much. yet he will never know.

what he said stuck in me like a knife.



those words i never expected to hear come from him.



my entire body aches from the words.



my eyes well and my body shakes as i cry.



what could have caused this revalation in turn of events? i just keep asking myself this question over and over and over.



the songs on the radio just tear at my heart even more.



i'm so confused. i feel nothing but worthlessness and emptiness fill me up inside.



not knowing what is to come is hurting me.



i just don't understand.



but soon hopefully the hurt will subside to understanding on his end. yet i don't.



i'm all broken inside and no body but him can fix it.



but i have a feeling that the break will just get worse and not better.

on this endless night my heart breaks and pain surges thru my body.



not knowing what i did. not understanding what has happened.



a friend and prospective lover has what seems like... betrayed me.



yet he was not mine. i thought he was, on some deep understanding level.



this endless painful night will not end until i know the cause for this pain.



thisng i can't understand why they would happen, happened.



disappointment, hurt, heartbreak, betrayal, dishonesty, broken trust. these are the things that i feel, and feel have happened.



this night will forever be an endless almost death filled night.



for i have become consumed by depression and bewilderment.



one man has the answers and whether i will be informed is a totally different thing.



i just hope he knows that no matter what feelings consume me.



i will always have nothing but desire and love for him.

he was the one i had hurt. not wanting to.

i just couldn't be honest with my feelings to him. yet he was the one that i hurt. not wanting to.



i couldn't help but hurt someone i truly cared about.



it sounds comfusing but it hard to try and understand.



being young and having those kinds of feelings was scary.



a cloud, black and low would hang over me everytime i played. not knowing how to control my feelings being lost in the world of emotions.



trying to understand something you can't being to comprehend is... well hell damn near fucking impossible.



the one hurt then tho is the one i want now! knowing he cares yet not knowing how deep those feelings run.



complicated yet so simple.



its just too unexplainable and yet so easy to say.



i just wish he was able to hear my heart and know how i truly feel for him.



there are some days that i think he could very possibly be the one. yet you could never know how difficult it is for me to say whats on my mind and tell him everything.



one could never understand what i feel inside.

it was a cold dark night. the winter was nipping at my nose. all i longed for was a kiss. a kiss from my special someone. the time had flown by the entire evening. all i wanted was to continue laying there in his arms. the feeling of comfortness and saftey that i felt with him hadn't been felt since i saw him last. it was a cold dark night and all i wanted to do was remain there with him. the one who yet i cannot call mine. the one who has been so entirely understanding that waits patiently. i just long for that comfortness and saftey again. i long for those sweet soft lips. i long for those arms to hold me and never let go. it was there on this cold dark night that i reslized so much. yet i don't think that he feels the same. i know he cares. but i don't think he feels as much as i do. i just know that i wished this cold dark night wouldn't end. but like all good things. it did. at the end of the night i boldly leaned forward and grabbed his shirt. looking into those beautiful dark brown eyes. my heart racing a million miles a second. but on this cold dark night i wish it wouldn't have ended.