The Nature Of The Bitch05:47 Aug 05 2007
Times Read: 557
I sit here, dwelling in a contemplative state, feeling a bit intoxicated from the double malt scotch, shaken ands not stirred that I downed in one liquer sip, moments ago. I feel relaxed and lucid in my favorite coffee lounge, in view of the other side. What am I viewing on the other side? I observe a kind homeless man, who suffers from mental retardation in grunged out trucker clothing and blue cap that he has worn, ever since I've known him. He sits alone with a foul stench, with a smile on his face, from the out casted of society, in search of merely someone to speak with. I sit here alone, by choice, ignoring those that wish to speak with me, feeling as though neglected, when I wish merely to sit here at my lap top to sit in what subtle peace that I preserve to express my thoughts solitary, and in fullness.
My fiance had sent me a text today, reading about her mother's complaint of the absence of me having a car, and that she "can't tote me around forever." I would have typed the entire text if I had not erased it earlier. lol Her complaint is obviously just, and her, and her family have been very patient, and very kind to me, seemingly in belief that I am a good enough person for her daughter, deserving it. I know that is anything but the case. lol I am with a girl that is a much better person than I am, am undeserving of, and more of a woman than I could ever ask for. What frightens me most is, that she feels the same for me, except replacing "she," and "woman," with "he" and "man." lol What am I to think or make of this? I can look at my situation from two varied aspects. 1.) I have a shitty job that will starvingly help me pay for college, a transfer student from a community college to a major university...then something complicated intervines, interferes, relative to it's positive/negative perception...a girl that sees me beyond life and a precious gift to not be forsaken, and expects the best out of me that at times I feel could never possibly happen, my life would be more simple without her, and that she would be better off, being without me. I would be a free spirited college kid, with the time to reap the marrow of life, choking on it's bones, getting high and laid most weekends, yet still have a decent paying job with more money to spend on myself, keeping good acedemic status with my entire life in front of me. I think again to myself in experience with that life lived behind me, I was very unsatisfied with my life, with no sence of self-being, feeling as lonely as the homeless man that sits alone two tables in front of me...yet, fortunately for him, his mental illness limits his conscious perception of how people really view him, and his ignorance can save him from further heartache. I was always a good friend counsiling others out of their own pain, while dwelling in the pain that I could not cure, until she arrived in my life. I speak in simple terms. My life is so in question at this hour, it would be nearly a selfish, yet kind act of love to leave her, and not let her share the distress of my own incurable wounds. What the fuck is the point in staying in a relationship with the one you love most, when you are unable to provide a future for them...? My fiance would be shattered if the thought of not being with me were to come true. Goddamn, yes! I have a cigerette! I then perceive my life in a different light. 2.) I observe my friends around me, who go through the same pains that i suffer, yet...I know it's arrogant to say this, but I feel that I've built up my life enough to the point that I have more to lose than most of them do. I look at it in the positive light. I do have a job. I am in college, trying to make a future for myself, and I have someone that I love at my side, encouraging me to make my dreams a reality. With these complications, comes responsibility. With this responsibility, comes meaning. I aked for a reason to live, and I've received it. She gives me purpose, and a drive to continue to live. A reason to continue to fighting and knock out this insane ass eating, shit fucking bitch, named life. She makes me aspire to be everything that a man should be. A competitive spirit, with a sence of focus, and a nourturing side to lead his best friend, partner and wife to live a better life A driving aspiration for dominance for the good to conquer the perils, yet care for the conserns of life that can be improved...and be a punk in the sack. lol She told me once, not to long ago that she likes the dominance of a power in her life, yet it had to be by a man that could earn her heart. I want to be that dominance in her life, to care for her, and lead her as a good man, and I hope that I'm on the trachk of conquering the prize that I seek. lol Yes, I can be seen as a bit of an asshole, by arrogantly saying this, but in reality, it's only submission to what she desires, and it being for the best...
When I was feeling lost today, with the thought of not having her in my life, and perhaps leaving her behind, as being there for her to the best of my abilities, yet not suffering her to a relationship, wher she would fall, along side my internal destruction. She sent me a text, reading..."One of my friends died today..." I know better than most what it's like to lose a friend by death, and I take that as a call that she wants to be with me right now, as I have been there for her in the past, which is why she loves me so much, thinks this highly of my, and would not be better off without me. I do not fully know the story, yet, but I know she will tell me as soon as she can. The essentials that I need to possess in life are endliess, but hopefully, as in the past unexpected nine months, things can fall into place, I can get a car, our own place, and our future can set a foundation, and solidify a life worth striving for without regret, but for now the first step begins with a listening ear...
Recent Paranormal Investigations....
05:59 Aug 03 2007
Times Read: 558
Recent Paranormal Investigations...
There has been a recent revival in thought, conserning my views of the after life. In examination of my previous years in the Occult, and the Wiccan Arts, no experience was genuine enough to consider myself to be a believer, just as my experiences had been when I was a devoted Christian. If you were to ask my fiance or even most of my friends what my thoughts of the supernatural and divine were a month ago, they would more than likely tell you that I was narrow minded, or a philosophical athiest.
It wasn't until this past month that I had joined a newly created paranormal group called P.A.R.S. (Paranormal Activity Research Society)...all of which can befound at my illustrious work place, GTI [(General Telemarket I..(some crap)] lol In our time spent together, we had visited a very old late 19th century abandoned grave yard, close to Sanger. It was exactly the typical stereotype that you could guess. It consisted of small and medium size tomb stones that had crumbled, carvings had faded, and you could trip over them in the very tall dead grass, infested with mosquitos and spider webs. We were looking for a spirit named "Whitehead," who had been buried in the area, where the most energy was felt, and most footage was caught on camera and EVP recordings (thought spirit voices.) The night that I had gone with a few unnamed friends, being unessential to the story, we found little or no activity. Yet, when we went back to my friend Erin's appartment, that night, Erin and I were bored of watching speculative footage, and hearing everyone talk. So, we decided that it would be interesting to see what we could summon through her Ouija Board. We were the only ones that were brave enough to put our hands on it, and communicate with whatever spirit that we could summon. I sound very lame to myself, when I recount the experience of a Ouija board, because I used to think that it was the most cliche and hokie way to summon the dead. We had definitely summoned something up that night, though, and it had seemed to take a keen interest in me. The spirit identified itself as a male entity, and had acknowledged that it had followed us home from the grave yard. Believe me or not, and I know that reading it, it sounds like kiddie shit, but Erin, the rest of the people in that room and I can attest that no one there was moving that Ouija board. An unknown force had been guiding it. Over the next few weeks, we had visited the Old Aton Bridge, (Goatman's Bridge) and have received atleast Class B EVP recordings while we were collecting data, pictures and video shots of orbs, very high electro-magnetic energy readings in places where they normally wouldn't be found, strange clear noises of farm animals, (a donkey seemingly in distress was the most clearly heard) that had never been reported before. There are no farms in that immediate area. It's actually a heavily wooded place, right in the middle of a South Denton neighborhood. My fiance, Riley, claimed to have felt very uncomfortable within the vicinity of the surrounding woods, as if feeling the prescance that still haunts the halls and rom of my house from a seemingly following spirit. We had also done some minor research at the Old Alton Cemetery, which is located very close to the bridge, with with a few unnamed superstitious friends that don't know what the hell their doing. lol We had caught a few speculative orbs on camera that is still being debated among the group, reguarding their authencity...putting it nicely. Erin, Riley and I did a walk through investigation of mid 1800 to modern cemetery, close to the square in Denton, using EVP and video recording that has still not had data confirmed among the group. We still have future plans to do further investigation of a rumored haunted bed and breakfast in Fort Worth, where we have already collected data of a few interesting light anomolies and Class C to Class B EVP recordings. We're eventually planing to do an over night investigation of a historic baker hotel in Mineral Wells, (with one failed attempt. lol) where a lot of bats are located, so I hope that we don't go with a fragile crew who is easily frightened or injured. lol Tomorrow night, most of the group is going to a grave yard Aurora to "investigate" an alien crash legend, where the alien is allegedly buried there. I've been there several times, and know that it is an insane crock of shit, but I'll let them figure that out the hard way. lol I'm spending time with my fiance. We're also seeking permission to go to the Historic Bruce Hall dormatory on the UNT campus, where there have been reported sightings of a spirit of a pregnant woman in the attic that killed herself in the late 1920s, and another girl that commited suicide in the 1970s....but your lazy ass can do your own research on that, because I'm still trying to get the true story behinfd the legends of Bruce Hall and "Goatman's Bridge." For more rambling advertising of future trips and paranormal data, visit our website: www.freewebs.com/wwwparscom/ We're also going to do a thorough investigation of my house at some point.
In further conserns of the continually stalking spirit that I am hesitant to talk about my experiences, because the events make me feel like a rape victim. lol Nothing that I can say, or how many other people that I can reference, agree that there is an unnatural figured prescence in my house, will make you believe these experiences, that I'm going to describe. You have to experience it for yourself, which you should hope will never come to pass. The nights exceeding my experience, summoning whatever I conjured from that Ouija Board. I fave had two main experiences worthy of noting. Once was in my bed, at around 2:30am when I was sleeping, and dreaming of doing an investigation, it physicall grabbed me and twisted my flesh, the same as a violent human would. The next time, was on a Suday morning at around 10am. I was once again coming out of a dream state, waking to the smothering of my face, with clear growling sounds, like it had the full intent to kill me. I must've done something very wrong to piss it off, or it was just neglected or very violent in life. I am not a weak person by any means, which most would agree with, but being attacked by a force that I have no way of cotrolling has frightened me to nearly the point of insanity. I learned just now, that my brother claimed to have been assaulted by an unknown spirit, residing in my house. We placed a video camera twice in my room, for about ten and fifteen minutes in the dark, then the light, and came across some interesting data...still being disputed among us...of something not human moving across my room. Hopefully we can upload some footage here, in the near duture. My fiance claims to have felt somehing touch her, by my bed side, and felt as if she was dazed and falling, standing in the center and being watched while by being there. Erin claimed to have felt the exact same prescence, and also claimed that something had touched her. Everyone has noticed the unusual temperature drops, going down in my room to 50 F and below, when the rest of the house is well into the 80s and 90s outside. My mother had tried to cast it out in the name of Jesus, but apparently that isn't a name that phases it. lol ...or she isn't doing it with enough patience and respect for the spirit's resilience...assuming Jesus is the legitimate cure to rid my house of this bastard of an entity that I wish to be gone. My newly revived Christian brother also claims it to be the work of demons. Those in my group, who have no experience of it, remain respectably skeptical about it, and looking at us like we have mental issues telling them about it. My fiance, and various friends have been looking well over me, and have been very conserned about the events that have been reported from my house. Whether it be the Devil's dominions, an angered spirit, (which I am most certain that this goddamn coward has the hots for me, or intends to obviously inflict harm upon me,) or our psychological insanities, a thorough investigation and evacuation of this force or entity out of my house is direly needed. I will continue to keep everyone informed as investigations continue, and progress is made, coserning this stalking force.
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