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Something I need to share with people that read my journal.



True love is the following.

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As you know. I was with a man (or may not know)



He was really the person that got me into drag. He himself did it.



I always thought he looked best dressed up for me.



I met him about 1997ish. He was the first person to really care about what happend to me. When we first danced. (and i don't dance often). He held me close and made me feel safe. He had to run an erron to help a friend out. He told another one of his friends to take his place and make sure I was ok. No one had ever done this in my life up to that point. We dated for about 2 years. I wanted more in the relationship. So I ended it.



I get a call out of the blue it was him.



He tells me.

"Neal, I'm Dieing"

"what do you mean your dieing your fine." Thinking he was joking around on me.

A sadder tone kicked in "Neal seriously I'm dieing"

This time I believed him.

"Why do you think you are dieing what happend?" I said shockingly.

"Neal, I slept with the wrong person"

"Ok, what do you mean" Trying to also calm him down while he was talking to me.



"Neal I have HIV"

I was in shock If he had HIV I didn't think it would be that bad in the little time I had left him

"Can you get treatment or something for it even though you'll still have it they have made some breakthroughs"

"I've already been checked out. I have an advanced case they estimate a little over four months and I'll be dead."

So I told him I was on my way.



I droped my entire life. To be with him. To take care of him. Only to have to go threw him dying in my arms.

More and more jounal entries the maddness continues. Around 3 pm central standard time. I go and watch my youngest brother get married. To a fine women who happens to have the same first name as my ex. I hope all goes well for him. I truely don't want him to have happen to him what happend with me. Then again I constantly blaime myself for it.



Last night I had a bit too much to drink and was an ass later in the evening. (note to the galley. Romulan Ale no longer to be servered at Groomsmen dinners)



I appologize for these actions. I haven't had that much mix drinks in a very long time. I had forgoten to eat something starchy previous to the drinking. That was a mistake. Along with a head ache that I'm milking out with my white mocha. Mmmmmmmmm white mocha. I think I'll drink more now.



More tonight on the events of the day. It's Journal tastic month it seems or the later of.

Family. It's a great thing. I thought it be stupid. How wrong was I. Mieta got to meet 9 of the orginaly 11 .. Then Patrick my true bother had to leave and missed out on the family picture that i stated we had to do.

Well, it's that time of year again. The month of GBLT Pride. Another 2 walks around Lorring Park here in Minnesota. Friken hotter then a July heat wave today. Took Kaoru, and Mieta with me. For those that don't know why I walk twice around the park instead of just once. One time is in rememberence of an old boyfriend who is no longer amounst us. Then one is for me to enjoy the sites and surroundings. I love walking aorund I think about 20 people oggled me. And 40 oggled Mieta. About the same amount tried to peak at Kaoru in her stroller.



Later tonight we leave for a groomsmen dinner for one of my brothers. Hopefully That will be an event. The full siblings should be there from what I hear that means all 11 kids will once again be in the same place at the same time. Something that has not happend since 2001.



I'll post about this later.

I want to go to Cardiff. I want to meet The Doctor. Just so I can say I did. Perhaps even bump into Slyvester Mccoy. Yah that will happen.



So I've been mega moody lately. Think I have pms. Either that or I'm pregnate. Ok well not pregnate. Too many strange events beyond my control have happend.



So Yah I hate my job. But pays the bills



I want to go back to school. Don't know if I should. I really need to talk about it. Cuz it's drving me insaine.



So I Spoke to my ex.........BLAH...... She stated that I didn't pay for the child support I owed her cuz Of the baby. That wasn't the case. She then stated I could move into a home home instead of an apartment. But because i'm past due on money owed to her I don't believe that to be true. She spoke about m. SHe stated there's so many things wic can buy. Doesn't mean she has the time she has the baby with her.



Remember the time I used to be funny. (looking)





Remember the time that I said moo in the box (ah good times)



Right now I need to fix things in my life. Debate if I should return to school or be stuck in a job they already stated that they won't hire a temp for. I have been there for 4 months I have 6 more months before my contract expires with them. Will look good on the old resume. I've now worked for 4 top banks in minnesota. I think that's a record or something. I should get an award for putting up with that crap.



On a good side note. Kaoru was holding her pasci . It was so cute. She smiles at me alot. I wonder what she is thinking. I wonder what she'll think of her daddy. I honestly don't know. I think she loves me more then Mieta. I don't know why.



Perhaps it's the voice. Perhaps it's the scarryness that is me. She likes my beard when i had one cuz it was soft.



I don't know what else to say right now. Reply to this if you want whomever reads this journal. I dare you.