Everyone I know is getting married or having babies...why can't I? They're all moving on with their lives and I'm stuck here....starting to feel a little unwanted and lonely now...
There are two main types of bipolar disorder.
Bipolar Disorder I
People with this type of bipolar disorder are more likely to experience mania for longer periods of time and experience psychotic symptoms.
Bipolar Disorder II
People with this type of bipolar disorder do not experience psychotic symptoms and generally have episodes of mania that last for a short time e.g. hours or at most, a few days.
In between experiencing mania and depression, there are usually times when a person feels like they're on an even keel. However, if the person remains untreated, they are more likely to feel up and down more often.
Some people with bipolar disorder have what are called 'mixed episodes' where they feel some of the signs and symptoms of both depression and mania. Moods can change very quickly for some people - feeling high, then low and high again, within a matter of days or even hours. *
People with bipolar disorder can also experience what is called 'rapid cycling'. This occurs when a person has at least four changes in mood states in any one year i.e. moving between depression, mania and a mixed episode.
I don’t have bipolar according to my GP and I don’t have an anxiety disorder either because the symptoms don’t fit, I have more bipolar ones than anxiety. I’m irritable, feel lonely even when there’s people around, because it feels like they don’t want me there, I can be happy for an entire day and when I get home one tiny thing goes wrong and I can’t handle it, I blow up and the night ends in tears. I dread having good days because it means something really bad is going to happen either that night or the next day. I loathe the people we live with and I know they hate me too, the only reason they let us stay is so they don’t have to pay as much rent. I’m terrified we won’t have enough money for the week, I feel like I should do more but there’s nothing I can do. I feel like the world is on my shoulders, I can’t help but feel that my partner doesn’t care and that he’s not even worried about it except to tell me I need to earn more. The only reason I think I’m bipolar or that something is wrong with me is because he says I’m just like his ex who happens to be fine now that she’s on medication(she is bipolar). I’m tired all the time even though I get at least 8 hours sleep every night, I feel like nothing is worth the effort because it’s only going to screw up anyway. Everything feels so hard like the world is making problems just to annoy me, when things don’t work out I don’t know what to do, I feel like giving up on everything. Sometimes I think if I’d died 12 months ago when I wanted to maybe it would’ve been better. My boyfriend says it’s the music I listen to that makes me feel so shit but I only listen to it because it makes me feel less miserable. Listening to happy music when you’re sad makes you feel even worse because it reminds you that while your life is screwing up everyone else is having a ball and couldn’t care less about you. I get hungry, I’m always hungry, but when I think of things to eat, even my favourite food, it just makes me feel sick. My entire family has a history of mental illness I don’t see why I would be an exception. I just want the mood swings and rages to go away, I don’t care how just make it soon.
*this is me to the letter so I don’t know why the doctor says I’m not bipolar maybe I didn’t explain myself properly?
1.Past: This card speaks of the immediate past with respect to the questions topic.
Your card is: 3. Aphrodite
About Aphrodite ~ (pronounced Af-roh-DY-tee): Aphrodite is the Greek goddess of passion and love, who's associated with the planet Venus. Aphrodite's name means foam born, as legend says that she sprang from her father Uranus's castrated genitals, which here cast into the ocean. Thus, Aphrodite represents unabashed female sexual energy. Aphrodite helps women feel comfortable with their bodies and sexuality. She helps both genders to experience more passion in their relationships, and to become more balanced as far as individual male-female energy is concerned.
Card Meaning: Aphrodite ~ Inner Goddess
Awaken the goddess within you through dance, self-care, and appreciating your divinity.
Message from Aphrodite: Allow your inner feminine wisdom and dynamic beauty to rise to the surface. Cherish its power and meaningfulness. No matter whether your physical body is male or female, you have an inner femininity that nurtures you, and guides you with its intuitive principles. Now is the time to become aware of, take excellent care of, and celebrate your magnificence!
Various Meanings of This Card: Balance your male energy with more female energy * Take steps to heal your sexuality * Enjoy being feminine * Dance more often * Be receptive * In relationships, allow your softer side to come forward * Don't hide your femininity (dress in a more feminine way, for example).
2.Present: This card addresses your current situation.
Your card is: 17. Green Tara
About Green Tara ~ (pronounced TAIR-uh): Tara is a Hindu and Buddhist goddess whose name means star in the ancient Sanskrit language. Her many personality and aspects are represented by different colours. Green Tara is known for being a speedy helper who offers emergency aid and provides rapid understanding of situations and relationships. She rescues us by empowering us to save ourselves.
Card Meaning: Green Tara ~ Start Delegating
Ask others (including me) to help you, instead of trying to do everything by yourself.
Message from Green Tara: When you feel resentment in your heart because you're carrying more than your share of the load, you're doing no favours for anyone including yourself. You need to ask for help to ensure that you have private time for contemplation and rest. One of the reasons why I am able to sit so peacefully is that I know the secret of true productivity. It doesn't come through struggle or strife. Rather, it comes from a clear and focused mind that's unchallenged by indecisiveness. You see, making decisions is the shortest route to triumphant passages. Once you make up your mind, the rest follows quite naturally. I therefore urge you to sit quietly and follow the footsteps of your mind. Be open to your hearts meanderings. They will quietly lead you to make your most important decisions, and the rest will fall into place.
Various Meanings for This Card: Don't try to be a superwoman or superman * Give your children chores * Ask your partner for help * Accept assistance as it's offered to you * Release guilt or the belief at it's weak to ask for help * Be a team player.
3.Future: This card gives you insight into the future outcome. If you change your thoughts and beliefs about a situation, it's possible to improve the outcome.
Your card is: 21. Isis
About Isis ~ (pronounced EYE-sis): This Egyptian high-priestess moon goddess is regarded as one of the most important ancient deities because of her many functions and her vivid history. She's simultaneously motherly and businesslike, feminine and ultra-strong. Isis brought her murdered husband, Osiris back to life, and they conceived their beloved son, Horus (the falcon headed Pharaoh). Unfortunately, Osiris was murdered beyond repair after the conception, and Isis devoted her attention to raising Horus. Isis also convinced the sun god, Ra to tell her his secret names that contained vibrational tones that created instant manifestations. Thus Isis is also known as a goddess of Divine magic and alchemy. You can call upon her for assistance in many areas, including help with past-life memories.
Card Meaning: Isis ~ Past Life
“This situation involves your past-life memories.
Message from Isis: Your roots upon this planet are strong and deep, and some of the roots have anchored you in past memories from faraway times. These roots have anchored you so deeply, in fact, that you're paralysed when it comes to moving forward. I've called your attention to this condition so that you may unearth and uproot your past memories. Sometimes you bury those memories to shield yourself from psychic pain or embarrassment, so you won't remember those awkward moments when life tested you to the maximum. Reveal those lessons to yourself now, strong sorceress, and move forward with the confidence that you have sage wisdom behind you.
Various Meanings for This Card: Get a past life regression to gain insights and answers * Ancient fears from a past life are surfacing right now * You've known the person you're inquiring about from a past life * Your current situation relates to a childhood issue.
Summary:
In the recent past you started to become more aware of your femininity, you became more aware of the woman you are. Still celebrate being a female. Do things that appeal to your female nature, allow your softer side to show through.
Right now your feeling some resentment, that is because your doing more than your fair share in life. So you need to stop trying to be superwoman. Delegate the work load, start learning to say no and take help when its offered. Your not weak if you ask for help! So ask and accept it gratefully. Be more a team player than a solitary one. Then you will start to relax and get back to you.
In the near future fears from a past life are rising up within you. You need to look back into your past lives to find the source of your fears. People are coming into your life that you knew from a past life so you need to learn from them to understand you. Something that occurred in your childhood will appear to you and you will need to deal with the issues that have arisen from it. It is a time where the past has caught up with you and you need to face it to put it to bed once and for all.
Ok small explanation here, I've lately been jealous of girls who can display their femininity and not seem slutty or self-concious, I want to be more like a girl but I don't know how.
I'm sick of work because it always seems like I get in trouble for doing something I was asked to do or that I'm doing everything for everyone, I hate asking for help because it feels like I'm just telling someone else to do something I'm quite capable of doing myself.
Past lives AND past aquaintences. People I knew from a few years ago are coming back into my life and I wasn't expecting it at all, in fact I wouldn't have been surprised if I never heard from them again. I've also been having dreams of past lives and deaths and other's deaths that ended my will to live, as well in those dreams however I am male (the lack of femininity?) and they all have something to do with deep water, which I am terrified of.
I'm scared and confused at this point as to what will happen soon, my life right now is turning and something is going to happen I can feel it, I just don't know how to make it happen right or if what I think I should do is going to be the right decision when the time comes. Nor do I know how to learn from a past I can scarcely remember in order to rectify the future.
If anyone has ideas or answers please message me.
So why am I so lonely
Depressed and in despair
If I pull this trigger in my mouth
Will anybody care?
-clickclick-
It was the greatest funeral
I laid in perfect state
And later I will meet the Lord
I'll bet He just can't wait....
I had a needle this morning and the damn lady hit either an artery or a vein the first time so she had to poke me twice >.< I'd rather be stabbed honestly except that for being stabbed I'd need more needles AND stitches...
Is it still classified as cheating if I send naughty pix to someone else? Does it mean I dont love the one I'm with or does it just mean I'm mentally unstable? (Especially considering how bad he treated me thru school) Can I even trust him? I know its wrong, deep down I already know, but why does it feel so right at the same time? Is it new love or just a stupid infatuation again? I want to cry, my head hurts and my heart is trying to pull out of my chest I dont know what to do. It feels like I miss someone, a lost hug or something I long to feel that just cant be found. I dont know if I love him and I dont know that I should, will it break my heart again?
COMMENTS
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TheArtistRose
01:06 Feb 27 2011
Aww Drake you're always loved here.
Corpseflower
01:38 Feb 27 2011
Drake,
your time will come! Don't get impatient, these are going to be milestones in your life, you're going to want it to be special. :]
Firedrake
02:17 Feb 27 2011
but I want it to be special RIGHT NOW! I'm sick of waiting til everyone else is finished doing what I want to do...three people I know have either got married or are in the process and four are now having a baby or have already had one and are on their second : / when's it gonna be my turn?
TheSYSTEM
02:28 Feb 27 2011
DRAKE! >: You're freaking young! You have alot of time! Don't sweat it. Really, you make yourself sound old.