FallenxPrincess's Journal
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4 entries this month
A Nightmare06:33 May 22 2010
Times Read: 628
This nightmare starts out I'm with friends walking (but, I can't figure out where we are walking) next thing I know I'm in the middle of the woods, my friends are gone. I start running to get out of the woods only to find it's never ending. Something starts to chase after me. At one point I stop and turn to confront whatever it is but, it seems to have stopped also. I look around and realize my friends are the tree trunks and are watching and laughing.
Then it is back pursuing me. I look behind me and see that it has a chain with spikes coming out of it. The longest chain I have ever seen. It swings the chain and it wraps around my body and I am pulled bacward to the ground. I am drug for what seems miles through the woods. Once it reaches it's destination I am beaten savegly, raped and tied to a board. That is placed over a fire. I am being cooked alive and It and It's friends are watching, laughing, pointing and ridiculing me as I burn.
Right before I wake up they are roasting marshmallows and hotdogs in the flames coming off my body.
Question????????????22:13 May 14 2010
Times Read: 678
Why is it that all I seem to do is hurt the people I love???
It seems like the more I love the deeper it goes.
And the deeper the love goes
the more I hurt them.
All I do is try to be me.
Am I that toxic of a poison??
If so where do I get the antidote?
Can someone please tell me?
Or help me find it?
Something this toxic and poisonous shouldn't be allowed to live.
Everytime I think I have been detoxed I love only to have the same thing happen.
I can't spend the rest of my life running.
I shouldn't have to
All I want is to be free, happy and loved!
WHY????????????????????21:54 May 14 2010
Times Read: 680
Why should I go on when I already know the ending??
I have nothing left to live for.
Everything is turned upside down and inside out.
The harder I try it seems the worse it gets.
Is it too much to ask for a little bit of happiness.
I'm starting to believe that happiness is an unobtainable goal for me.
Something I will always wish for; long for, and see others enjoying it.But never be able to claim it for my own.
While I sit on the sidelines in tears with a broken heart and tattered soul others pass by laughing , smiling, HAPPY.
Will I spend the rest of my life running???
Running from pain, fear, hurt, anger, torment and torture.
Running from people, things, and myself.
Do I even know who or what I am anymore?
I honestly can't answer that question.
I feel that I have a huge heart.
I love blindly, honestly, and without judgement.; or at least I try to be and live that way.
Why doeseveryone and everything seem to judege me at every corner and crosswalk along lifes path?
It's okay if they do but, could they at least try to wear my mask amd walk with my feet first?
Maybe just maybe then they would feel differently.
I try to not let hate into my heart, mind, body or spirit.
If I did it would consume me so I choose love.
No matter what happens or what anyones does or says to me or about me I will always choose LOVE.
But as I start to loose words I ask this question,
Is my quest and search for happiness woth hurting everyone and everything that I love????
The Night21:32 May 14 2010
Times Read: 681
Walking in the dark of night
Down long and winding streets.
Searching for the one to
Fill the void inside me.
I wander in the night.
The night is like a blanket.
It offers me comfort; soft, soothing comfort.
It doesn't cover me thoguh.
I pull and tug but it doesn't move.
No matter what I do it just won't cover me.
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