EpicInDefiance's Vampire Journal

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16:20 Sep 24 2007
Times Read: 652

I want to cry..

COMMENTS

Shadow.. my sweet shadow.
15:55 Sep 24 2007
Times Read: 654

mmmmm.....mmmm Well.... I have a hangover.

Saturday I went with my Father to the Renissance. We left at noon and didn't get there till 4:30. It took us an hour and a half to get to the cities and the last 4 miles took us 3 fucking hours. We had spent more time trying to get there than we did spending our time there. Either way it was fun when we actually got there. Quiet of few people came up to us asking for directions and asking us if they can take a picture with us because they thought we worked there. That was cool. The shoes I was wearing sucked ass. They were boots but they were so thin that I could feel every single rock and chipped wood piece that I walked on. We left came back home and went to the bar. Cindy was working and I knew everyone there so it was great fun. :> hung out with some friends had a few shots and 3 beers. I didn't get wasted just buzzed. Then we went home and was planning on watching Pirates of the Carribean. But we ended up passing out on the couch watching Star Trek. We wolk up at around noon went and got food, ciggs, and Vodka. Came back home ate our food and watched Pirates off and on just so we could watch a couple football games. The Packer game was great. Brett Farv ties with Barry Manalow for the most touch down passes of there carreer. They tied at 420....fucking hell right. And then we watched the Redskins game and watched them fall apart in the last quarter... that sucked. Oh well there only 2.1 now. Packers are 3.0 WOOT WOOT! lol Then we started drinking the vodka with Juice. It was good. I did get a little drunk and apparently so did my dad. But we didn't realize how drunk he was until he started driving me home. I felt like shit for making him drive me home. I didn't realize how much we both had to drink. We made it home after swerving and scaring the shit out of me. We got to my house and I went inside and puked. I made a sandwhich for my Father and got him some banana bread and some water to sober up a bit. After about a couple hours he was sober enough to drive home. He said that he was going to call me and never did. So I'm a little scared but he probably just went inside and passed out....I hope. I tired calling Jason and he wasn't home... So I went to sleep and wolk up crying because my head hurt at around 3:30am. My head still hurts. I could barley sleep and was constantly waking up because I was sweting so bad.

today. I feel like falling down and bawling my eyes out. I had a doctor appointment for a blood test for diabeties.........

shit.

COMMENTS

Simply wrote.....
01:29 Sep 18 2007
Times Read: 665

How have I fallen so far behind in this family? I can't help but to feel like it's all my fault. As much as other people know and here of my family I know that they are in the wrong, but I am too. I can't stand this feeling of living in a house were I'm not wanted. When I left for the army things started to fall apart and now that I'm back. With my fmaily knowing that I was in the hospital 3 different times while I was in I was really hoping for things to change. But it only made it worse. and right now I feel like putting a bullet in my head. Now let me state that I am not going to actually do nor am I threatening to do so. I just feel like doing it because my mind feels like it's on over load and I still have to finish my Take home test that 80 points and only has 4 essay question that are 20 points a piece. damn man damn the man

I have someone but there do far away I want to cry all the time. I feel like crying right now... I realy don't need anybody hating me right now although I know that there are a lot of people that do. I was talking to my Father after a fight me and my mother had. He called her a stupid bitch because he was also on the phone when I was fighting with her that also turned into a fight with my sister. We both want so much for my to move out and move in with him. So here's the basic jist. My Mother treats me like shit and I'm not just saying that from an "oh pitty me, I'm so emo" Bullshit. There are countless number of people that sit behind the seane (sp?) like family members, really good friends of not just me but my Mother and Father that see the way she treats me. So I'm not alone on this. My Mother is deathly afraid of confrontation. She treats me like I'm my father because I favor him over my mother for countless reasons. The one thing that has been pissing me off is the fact that my mother and sister think that all the rules apply to me but they can break them whenever it's conveniant. My sister is treated like the Golden Child and I AM treated like the black sheep of the family.

But enough of that!

There is just so much going on right now. More than I can handle. I just picked up this job at a bar called the 19th Hole. I work Sunday 7pm to 3 am Monday morning.... and then I have to get up at 7:30 to go to school. I then work Monday at 7pm to 3am Tuesday morning. and I also have to wake up at 7:30 for school yet again. Although I didn't have to work this week I'm still pretty tired.

Ah All I want is to continue going to school. Get my pay checks, move in with my Father, and get the Truck that my Father's soon to be old roomate is going to sell to me. I need to talk to my Fiance and keep a focused mind and be strong so that we can be together with OUR daughter Lexi.

But I guess enough of that too...

Cause in this day and age you're not allowed to feel depressed cause if you do have a chemical imbalance you need "medication" Well fuck that man! I am emotionaly disturbed and I'm not on any medication. I am also a scytozophrentic and I'm not on any medication. I have major depression and I'm not on any medication. And it doesn't matter how bad it all gets I still move on slowly put surely unmedicated SO THERE!

COMMENTS

Easay from hell.
22:52 Sep 12 2007
Times Read: 670

Ah ha ha ha so I can't stand "American Idol" But I LOVE "So you think you can dance" And this is one of my favorite dances..Ahhh I got a fucking stupid take home test that is nothing but esays. I hate it. And each esay is worth 20points.