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I used all my magical names for this one.

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Current mood: I don't know right now.

Ccurrent music: Offsprings complete music video collection....to be more specific "Gone away"



So I woke up this morning on March 16 at 6:30.

No school.

All my ambition left me.

What am I going to do now?

Take a shower
When I would get done with that…

Paul’s on the computer,

Autumns in her room watching T.V,

And Dominik is in the living room watching T.V.

What’s left after the shower?

Get dressed and stay in my room

No thanks man I’d rather stay in bed.

I don’t even have any incentive to go pee.

Now that’s it’s a snow day whatever plans I had today are most likely ruined. Great.

Now it’s 1:00p.m.

I’m sitting in bed but had enough incentive to go pee.

The toilet seat was cold.

I still have my retainers in.

I take a few minutes for some resent flash backs as to why I feel my life has been shitty…

Well…

My Bearded Dragon, Jaden pasted away two days ago.

The gap that she filled is back and has grown…..
Behind my back with one of my other good friends.

I’m alone again in that regards.

No “love” to turn to and no more close friends to talk to.

I feel anger towards them.

I will not let them get the best of me.

I just might put up a wall or two.

I feel like all I’ve been doing is building wall after wall that I haven’t put up.

Jaden
My step Mother called me at 6:00 to tell me she passed away (she needed intensive care that I couldn’t give her at home)

At 6:30 she called again and tolled my Mother that she was alive and that she must have been in a deep sleep.

My Mother never tolled me about this change until 8:00.

I wanted to go see her thinking well if she was almost dead the first time what’s to say that it might happen again without the same results…more like never waking up.

My Mother didn’t care…..she said no…that she could sympathize with me…..

Sympathize my ass.

I don’t know why but lately Austin has been on my mind.

It really disgusts me of how much of a whore he is.

I had a dream last night,

Randy keeps popping up in my head.

I have this feeling of huge defiance towards so many people.

I lost my job.

I was 6 min late and they only give you a 5 min leeway time.

But we had lost 2 people already..

So when I did have the job I was talking on the work load of 3 people….

Working god awful shifts.

I worked Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday…sometimes on Tuesdays

On Saturday and Sundays my Step Father had me coming in as early as 3am

And I had to work until 9am

Sundays-until 3am

On top of that I was training in 2 new people who little did I know….

Where my replacements.

No job now.

My car is sitting in my friends garage with now tires on it.

We were going to change the oil and the break pads.

Only to find out that on BOTH sides my rotors and bearings are shot.

There’s a couple hundred down the drain.

I also have pay a $114 .00 vet fee for my baby dragon that didn’t make it.

Static’s show that every 8 out of 10 baby dragons kept in captivity don’t make it.

I still wasn’t prepared on how much attachment and joy I had from her.

I have to pay $270.00 for a drug and alcohol assessment class I’m being forced to take.

I dislike Nicole as much as she deserves for what she did but I still think about her.

That drives me insane.

I still can’t cry.

My temper has mellowed though.

Maybe by reading a half of what has been going wrong I can see why I now have Stomach Ulcers.

Ooh did I forget to mention the cancer I have in my famine area.

My cat just sat down in my lap….earlier she was chewing on my “green blue”

Pencil while I was writing with.

But despite everything I must digress it does feel pretty damn good to write this despite what others think.



I’ll try to take a shower…



Chips and salsa sound good.



As soon as I can finish the film in my camera I can put some pics of Jaden up.

Current mood: I think I know what I'm doing.

Current music: Boy hits car...Dissusionment.



so I got suspended and expelled from school for 10 days because I had a lighter, Asprin, and Eccedrin Migraine pills in my locker. The origonal reason for me being in the priciples office is because someone said that they smelled pot smoke on me. Well....I did have a pipe but I'm not stupid enough to have it anywhere but on me. I had it hidding in my bra. Good place I thought. They can't search there. My Mother was pissed off that there was even an accusation about it so she hit me with a broom handle on my leg and I've got two black and blue and purple and green marks on my leg. Thanks for whomever tried to get me busted but it didn't work. ha ha.