The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

[ mood | good-bye hangover YEAH! ]

[ music | Pink Floyd..Final cut. ]



wow man wow...My hang over finally went away. so that's always good. Last night was awsume. I got fucking wasted off Apple pie...it's good shit. The only alcohol in it is Everclear and shit I had a lot. We had a bon fire in which the whole perpose of the bon fire was to drink and get drunk. and that's what I did! :> It was cool though we were jamming to mine and Andy's fav Pink Floyd album, The Division Bell. It rocked. umm....Andy was there, Shawn was there, Emily, me, and sam.. It was a small party but it was awsume. I was disappointed on how early Sam and Emily went to bed. They had blankets and pillows out on the lawn and camped out. I ended up in the party room of there barn with Andy. Nothing happened and it was awsume. He is such a sweetheart when he's himself. It was so cool. OMG!!!! Shawn lit himself on fire!!! HOLY SHIT! It freak me out so bad.. He was taking a flamming jesus and dumped half of it on himself. He didn't burn that bad which is good. It was kinda cool though the fire was blues, greens, and purples...It was kinda funny after we got the fire out the first thing he said was "wow man that was fucking awsume!" I just about freaked right there. They were trying to get me to take it and I wanted one of them to do it first and after that you bet your ass I won't ever try! But anywhom back to the barn. Andy and I went up to the loft for a bit until I almost feel because the floor wasn't finished..It was fairly amusing because I spilt some on the floor and the first thing Andy says is "alcohol abuse!"... I laughed at least...Anywhom Andy ended up helping me out side twice because I felt like puking...It was definatly worth it don't get me wrong and I didn't puke because I can hold my alcohol really well (trying not to make it sound like bragging)..But whatever...we ended up sleeping on the couch together...it was really nice. I was laying on top of him sorta and he had his arms around me and hugged me really hard like he ment it..according to Sam he does nothing but talk about me when he's around her so that made me smile a lot because he is oen of the sweetest guys I know. We didn't do anything (yes stating it again) AND IT WAS GREAT! He did start to kiss my forhead though.. I felt really good to be feminem (can't spell grr) and be with him. I didn't feel like I was out of place or I should be somewhere else. I felt as if I needed to be there. It was great.. Andy is great...he has but a whole new perspecitve and thought in life without even trying..





Please no one be mad...even if you cared you are with someone else......besides there are children issues..sorta kinda maybe ya.



sometimes you just want to close your eyes and forget every good thing that ever happened to you because when you think about it now it hurts to much.

[ mood | ehh naa ]

[ music | nothing ]



Okay I have a few things...



1. I'm not pregnant!!! WOOT WOOT!

2. I'm going to Green Bay for the college class! WOOT WOOT!

3. I can't believe that I didn't state this....I never said how the concert went...It was fucking awsume. I met this guy named Chris and we really digged each other...(wow what lame contexts) That and I got to go back stage and meet the band!!! KICKASS!!! I got to hug the lead singer and take pictures with them and then I'm stupid and forgott the fucking camera in Kitti's car... but they took pictures and put them on there web site and if you go and look you'll see one big picture of the band, kitti, Liz, and me...It's fucking hot man! wow I'm lost my train of thought.....oh well..







one last thing to add....this is a friends only journal or at least that's what I have it has as far as I know of.. I also have every right to post anything on this journal as I'm concerned I do remember a time when a friend of mine wrote something very personal...okay sure.. that's fine...I didn't make a big deal about it and talk about it in my next enrty. And now that I wright something that is personal and not saying that person's lj name in the process there could be millions on there on this site with on specific name. No it wasn't just one fuckign kiss either it was an off and on 7 year deal...tell me if you mess around with someone of the same sex for that long there has to be something there or at least was...I wasn't asking for that person to do anything for me. I was just stating how I felt at the moment which is what I have the right to do on this journal. I'm sure most people would agree with me..(sorry if this sounds bitchy I'm in a punchy mood from reading a recent journal entry from the specific person that I'm taking about)....as for all it's worth yes there are feelings but it's at the point where those feelings only apply when I'm in a certin mood most of the time I don't care.

[ mood | nauseated ]

[ music | SOAD..violent pornography ]



Oh my god……I think I’m going to start bawling….I’m really hot but getting cold and clammy. I’ve got a sick feeling in my stomach….. I’m so stupid….Thinking that I might have a chance….I thought I wanted her to be happy more than I want her….I think I still do but knowing that she might be pregnant (even when it’s none of my business) ….knowing that I might be pregnant…It scares the living shit out of me! My parents don’t know…They won’t know…On Tuesday when I go to work I’m going to stop by Mega West and get a pregnancy test and take it at work I want to know ASAP! I really hope I’m not… I want to cry and I can’t get it out of my head that it’s weak to cry….I don’t know what I’m doing…. For some reason I thought that I might have another chance to make things better. It sucks having to watch the one you really, really like with someone else….I’ve met her boyfriend twice the second time I was high and the whole time that I was there I wanted to hug and hold Nicole and tell her how I’m so sorry….I never started doing weed or cigs until the last fight between us….I can’t talk to her she’s got her own problems to worry about…let alone worrying about what we had. She’s got something. I had something and now I don’t have much…she was a big part of my life and when she left that all filled with nothing but negativity. WTF am I doing? I don’t know what I want. I try to fill in the space that was when she left…I keep dating and doing stuff that only lasts a week or so. Right now I’m dating Liz and like I said a while back I dated her sister….I dated Sam E. and Sam L. I did stuff with Michelle. I did stuff with Cat. I dated Brianne. I dated and did stuff with Randy and Andy….fucking god. I’m a whore and I can never find anyone that will make me as happy as Nicole did when she was in a good mood. I know that sounds really mean… Every single one of them has yelled at me at one point telling me that I don’t let anyone it… I didn’t even let Nicole in. GOD I HATE how this sounds like I’m obsessing about her so DAMN MUCH!!!! FUCKING A! I feel so sick right now… I’m really confused…. At one point Nicole told me how much she like me and then about five days later she told me on how much I needed to get over her. The last thing she said to me about that is that I had her in body but Chris has her in spirit. MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND! I don’t’ know if I could take it if she felt nothing.. 7 year off and on relationship I don’t think there was nothing… Some of my friends are telling me that she’s scared of what society thinks and what her parents think to say that she’s bi or whatever. She wants to please her parents so much it seems… I don’t know what I think… all I know is that I might be preg…she might be preg…and I’m scared shitless.



I’m sweaty…I’m shaking…I’m going through withdrawals…I need to stop drugs and cigs altogether. But I’m not strong enough too…I kinda don’t want to know Nicole’s…reply if she does…

[ mood | happy ]

[ music | on music right now unless you count the end credits ]



Wow I've had a time all right. I'm at my girlfriend's house right now. She's up stairs changing for the concert we're going to tonight with my cuz Kitty. My girlfriend's name is Liz. I dated her sister a while back....(oh well) Last night she spent the night and we went for a walk really late I think it was around midnight we went walking around the little town of Elk Mound. On the way back we walked on the train tracks and found a toad but the best part about that story is that the toad pissed on me. I mean hell he did a major power squeeze to his bladder it was sick and funny at the same time! Well I reall don't have much to say. umm..he no mini me!

[ mood | really really happy. ]

[ music | InFlames...Metaphor ]



Before I startd to right this I had a whole subject of things lined up for what I wanted to say. But yet again like I can remember and even if I did it's not like anything would come out right. Well I guess for starters.. I was kicked out of my house and I've been getting stoned a lot to the point were I don't remember when I wasn't up till now. Well let's see on Friday I was going to go to me Father's house since I didn't want him to come all they way back to pick me up to go camping and when I got there the door was locked so I spent the night at Dave's house.. he's pretty fuckign sweet. He's almost like a third Father it's kinda funny. but anywho the whole time I was there I was stoned non stop and then at 3:30 he dropped me off at Nicole's and the whole time I was there I felt imbarressed and there was a whole gilt trip thing going on I felt really bad to be there when her boyfriend was there. I felt awkward. I kinda wanted to break down and cry right there if I weren't stoned but whatever. I just wanted to hug Nicole and tell her I'm sorry. Sorry for being stoned, sorry for everything I did wrong... I know it sound slike I'm infatuating about her but she was a big part of my life for a while weather or not I wish to say it. I'm just trying to figure some shit out. I just recently found out that what I thought was there wasn't and the one thing I thought wasn't there is...I just waiting for answers and the rate that it's going I'm never going to get them and that's fine I guess. I've actually made another decission...I want her to be happy more than I want to be with her.... wow That was long and again it was about Nicole that's pretty fuckign pathetic...I got to work on that among other things...



But anywho besides that...I have met this guy and I won't say his name to respect his privacy...he's really sweet. I'm trying to help him because he's been hurt and I know how he feels. He's scared about opening up to people because of that and I know how that is..I'm trying to work through that myself. I'm talking to him right now on Yahoo instant messanger...wow he's really cute....lol wow he really brings out the female in me....that's another thing I've notcied...Nicole and various other people bring out my male me and then my friend and a few other's bring out the Female in me....eeh nah...(a sound that I make for those of you who haven't heard it.)



Well that's certinaly enough for now. Makes me wounder how many people are going to read this shit.

What does anyone write when there high?



I wonder if Edgar Allen Poe sold drugs... I know he did them... The man died cause his brain got too big. look it up. Fuck The Federal Government. Violence is not the answer. Profanity works better than a bullet. Dress like a cop and beat your dogs. Let them do the work for you. Take a shit on a cop's lawn tonight. Flip one off on the way home going five under the speed limit. lol. Write a letter to president George Dubya asking him to sell you cocaine. Stir things up. Who knows if you will live to see another American Renaissance. Become your true spiritual self. Change America from it's very foundation ... from the roots.... Let's uproot this mother fucka.

Anyway just a rambling thought. Rent the movie: "Evil Alien Conquerers." Good flick. Anyone who would tell you otherwise is a fucking Republican piece of dog shit.