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It has been a while since I have written here. Sometimes there is sooo much going on and I need to write and do not. Other times there is nothing going on and I have the time...and do not write. Tonight...well....things are stable but busy.



Family , friends, love life, and work are pretty calm at the moment. Life is actually on a good slide. HMMM have been so busy I hadn't really noticed that. Don't you think it is sad that we tend to give much notice to the bad times in our lives, but not nearly as much to the good times. I think that the old saying about "slow down and smell the roses" really is true.



Have you ever had someone in your life that you loved and thought the world of and was so proud of them and at the same time, was a wee bit envious? Interesting how many emotions one person can bring to the surface.



Life has such difficult choices sometimes. I have a great relationship at the moment with the guy I am dating. AT the same time, I have had to work to keep other relationships with friends and family going. I have to admit I have decreased time with family. But isn't that how the process works? AS new relationships develop, we let go of others a wee bit....moving into making a new family of our own.



I sometimes look in the mirror and wonder who in the world that stranger is looking back. Who is that with the small lines under her eyes and around her mouth? How did the hair get gray roots? Where did all the experience in her eyes come from and when? Other times, I look and think....WOW....I look better than ever with the self confidence shining thru my wise eyes. My smile got sexy and inviting and my hair looks like it would be fun to have fingers running through the locks. I really hope that is the thought I wake up with most days!!!



Well...I guess my mind has wandered long enough while awake......now I think I will let it wander in sleep. Wonder where it will take me tonight??????

Why do I do these things to myself? Huh? Why do I have my fingers in sooooooo many pies?



Sigh......I had an office mate say today.....boy you really like to stay busy. I just stopped and looked at him. And then I said something I have never really said before.....you know....it IS strange because I am actually inherently LAZY. He just sort of grinned and shook his head and said "I doubt that". I am like.....no really, just ask my Mom and Dad. He just grinned.



But you know......I am lazy......I LIKE being lazy. I like having nothing to do but what I WANT to do. So......WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING ALL THIS OTHER STUFF FOR?????????



Money? Can't take it with me although it IS nice to have while alive.



Prestige? Maybe but make one mistake and the prestige is shot....just one.



To aid my self esteem? Maybe. But then I am smart enough to know that self esteem does not come from others.



To fill in time, to end boredom? Perhaps, but then I look around and see many things that I would PREFER to do. Like my scrapbooking, writing, spending time with family and friends.



To escape from myself? I think this is the real answer. But why? Why do I need to run from me? And the answer is..... the answer IS......

I am Lazy. I am lazy about all the things that perhaps should be priorities in my life and aren't.

Like what? I hear my coven sisters ask...... well...

like my health. My tendency to horde things, perhaps horde is too strong a word....my tendency to cling to things from my past. I have the memories.....what do I really need the junk for??? And finally....from my emotions. There are things that I thought I had faced and won, or let go, or whatever. But there are also things I have chosen to ignore or to "wait and see" on and they have grown heavy and cumbersome.



So yes I am lazy and thus I run daily with things to accomplish and people to do for or with on projects I have taken on. For a lazy person....I work damn hard. No wonder I feel like I am running in mud and getting nowhere. I am running in the wrong direction and for a lazy person.....that is the worst.....having to back track and do over/more work. And to think...if I had not run from myself, I could be sitting pretty and feeling grand instead of stuck in this mud. Sigh..........

It has been a while since I have written here. Classes have started and the students are needy. My other three part time jobs are going as well. I feel like I am running in mud while others pass me by. Can't seem to find my rythum this semester.



The love life is going well. Even if he does live 3 hours away. WE make an effort to talk daily and now that he FINALLY has weekends free.....we have the next month and half already planned.



Have been working to make sure that I keep a balance between the love life and friends and family. Don't want to neglect anyone.



The one thing I have let slide is the reenactment that is coming up. Sigh....I havent really done my part AT ALL.. Not even sure I can get any of it done. Maybe I should just hire someone to do stuff for me. Still need to do a newsletter and an ad book with stories and trivia in it.



Dang mud.......sure wish I could get rid of some of it. Chattanooga is looking better all the time..(it is where the BF lives). But shhhhhhhhh dont tell anyone my friends and family dont want to consider that idea. In truth, neither do I as all my ties and so forth are here. But I gotta be honest.....getting a fresh start with fewer responibilities and less junk is HIGHLY appealing.