The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Dear Abby's signs of a possible abuser





(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've

never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.



(2) JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.



(3) CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.



(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and

meet his or her every need.



(5) ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.



(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone

else's fault if something goes wrong.



(7) MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser

says, "You make me angry," instead of "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."



(8) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.



(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.



(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or

holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.



(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.



(12) RIGID GENDER ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.



(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.



(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.



(15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck," or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or, "I didn't really mean it."