The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Another night alone. I watch the minutes go by as if time was at a stand still. tonight i lay here reviewing what my life has become. has it been good, or have i wasted it away? did my presence on this world impact someone or something? was all this time really worth it or was i just going through the motions? but most of all. what has my life become? i wish i had the answers to these questions. if i did would that change anything? would answers make my life easier. i want to belive it would, but my mind tells me otherwise. answers would take away the mystery behind our existence. do i really want to know why i am here. how much of this is really my mind talking. do i really think like this or is it all the medications those so called doctor have put me on. i have no way of knowing. all i do know is that my mind races, it is a never ending continuation of thoughts. thoughts that are and are not my own. hundreds of these thought run though my mind every second. how do i control them. how do i keep them from taking over. how do i keep myself sane. ha ha ha sanity there's a word for you. a word with so many different uses and possibilities. a word that has a fine line between being normal and being me. so i ask myself if i think this reality is real or drug induced. drugs there's another problem. all these medications i take to "help" control the pain. a pain that has taken its toll on my body both mentally and physically. my body that is starting to deteriorate and will one day stop functioning all together. with all this going on, how am i able to keep living for the next day. a new day to suffer through. a day of physical pain and mental suffering. so this is what my mind has become trappedd in. this a daily struggle to live in the mind of a manic depressive person. this being the bi-polar mind..