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well its just about time for me to head to bed
i been up along time now and my eyes are
getting heavey and i cant stop yawning
i been working on leveling my profile
since i logged onto vr

good night vr

sometimes i wonder why people do what they do
the shit they cause to hurt others i come to realize
no matter what happens in life i will always be who
iam no matter if people dont like me or not
cause life will go on and i will live my life like i
always have.
i have tried my best to be a good person and treat
others with resecpt and i escept the same
i even tried to keep my friends close and my
enemy even closer
i was raised to be nice to others and resecpt your
elders my mom raised me on her own with no
help from my dad he had the nerve to tell my
mom to her face that he was busy with his
new family and had no time for me which
really broke my heart to find that out
i always wanted my dad in my life
but i knew that it was,nt gonna
happen.
i learned to deal with it and went on with my life
acting like i did not have a dad even though i did
but he hurt me so bad that deep in my heart i could,nt
forgive him for the way he treated me dont get me
wrong i had a wonderful life with my mom
i,am the woman iam because of her i learned
alot from her during my childhood she was a
great mother and saw me through alot of shit
she never left my side during the hard times
but sadly i lost her in 2015 and she always
be in my heart and i do have some great
memorys of her
even though we did have some hard times together
she was still my mom and i loved her so much yeah
there was times i treated her very badly and i from
this day still feel really bad and always will

i been relaxing after doing some chore i needed to get done
i been having these bad headaches to the point of crying seeing if
coffee will help some i hope it does fingers crossed

well things have been going through my mind as of late
it feels like my mind is spinning at times
i can hear voices in my head telling myself
to forget the past but its hard to do sometimes
it always comes back to me i wish it would all
end.
the past number 1
it was the year i was raped at a motel by 4 guys
i thought i could trust but they showed me that i could not
trust them but i never put any thought to that at the time
just writing about it brings back some unwanted memorys
about that night
i even have night terrors about them sometimes
i just want it all to end and just forget that it even
happened to me all because of what happened to me
back then i find it hard to trust anyone i even build
a huge wall around my heart so that way i will never
be hurt again
i cant even stand being touched or even huged
i always tighten up when im huged i get the feeling i just want to run
and hide putting my knees to my chest and just cry in whitch im
doing right now it hurts deep inside to know i will never get over
the hurt and pain of that night it still feels like just happened
my mom saw me through the court dates that lasted close to a year
all i wanted to do was just kill myself to forget about the pain
that i was feeling at that time
since my moms passing away things gotten much worst
the nightmares and flashbacks i just wish it would all end
cause its been a very long time since it happened to me
its just my mind wont let me forget it

went to my bestfirends on friday had a good time
spending the weekend with her we dont get to see
eachother offten only on skype though
when i get to see her in person it makes me so happy
cause she brings such joy to my heart
she helps me forget all my troubles that i
have in my life and to remember that
i can be happy with what i have

i have forgotten all the things you have done to me
i never knew you would hurt me the way you have
telling nothing but lies about me to the ones i cared
about
you dont know how much you have hurt me braking me down
watching me fall as you turned your back towards me hearing me
cry out for you but never heard me you just kept on
walking ignoring my pled for you to turn back around
but i learned to live without you and how to move on
my life will be better without you in it


written
by
dreamescape

i was sitting on skype with my bestfriend lana when people outside starting letting off fireworks making me jump like hell its driving me insane cause every time they go off i jump ugh lol i wish i could go out there and tell them to stop cause its scaring the shit out of me
my friends laughing her ass off cause of it lol

i met this guy along time ago we fell for eachother but it did,nt last long cause he broke up with me and lived on the streets for awahile and then he got married and had kids with said woman and then divorced her and years later we ran into eachother and talked on ps4 and he called me his girlfirend right off the bat without asking me first i was in shock when he said that we dated for a few months we played gta together alot i had fun being with him on the game but then out of the blue he broke my heart yet again but this time he did it without letting me know he was braking up with me he started calling me names saying if he ever saw me he would smack me across the face and beat the shit out of me
i was at ahh at every thing that was going on i did,nt know what to think or feel
all i know is i dont trust anymore cause of him one day i was in chat with a friend
when he added me as a friend and joined the party i wanted to bitch at him about
what he did to me but i kept my mouth shut not wanting to start anything with him
yeah i miss him but there is no way i will ever get back together with him not even
in this life time

COMMENTS

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vanishing
17:35 May 22 2019

hes and ass sometimes you need to move on:)

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there is not a day that goes by that i dont miss my mom she has been gone going on 4 years now
and it kills me deep inside to know i will never hear her call my name she has raised me on her own
cause my dad was not in my life growing up
god rest his soul

COMMENTS

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vanishing
17:35 May 22 2019

I miss her to dearly

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i have been doing alot of thinking the past few weeks
im going to change some things in my life stuff that
has to do with my health which has not been that
good the few months i have a wedding to
stand up in next month so i have to get my
breathing good before june which wont
be easy to do i need to stop
smoking which will be easy
cause i have the will power
to do this yeah i will miss it
but my health is more
important then smoking
i know i have friends
to help me through
it

COMMENTS

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vanishing
17:35 May 22 2019

yes you do sis

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