The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

oooo Yeee, me get energy feed via the physical route. I feel like a cat in a patch of sunlight. Too bad no cuddles after, just a quick nip, but it was still nice

The simple amusements in life never cease if you are open to look for them. Like watching my father amble down the hallway in his shorts (he is on the lean side calves wise XD with a beer belly) holding and smelling our newest cat Lucifer. That fluffball is only 2 months old and and already owning up to his name, given by dad who is into the tv series Lucifer. He's already chewed through my cord for my 3DS and the cord for my Samsung tablet my mom sent me for Christmas. Someone downstairs favors him cuz he hasn't electrocuted himself in either instance.

My cats keep me company and with each I feel a unique connection. They may not speak with words but body language and some metaphysical essence does make somethings more easy to interpret. If anyone read my debut budgiecide rant the other day you can tell my mood has elevated some. But a melancholy is lingering underneath. Do I feel any lasting sentiment to my dead avian pet? Hmm tbh, not really. I never grew close to it. Maybe because well you cant physically cuddle a bird as you can a cat and I'm not exactly the vicar of patience to train a budgie for it. Ah well, I do like cockatiels though. Maybe I'll try to garner a connection with one of those. As you may have seen my profile pic I did own a crow once and found its companionship rewarding and humbling. I respect corvids for their raucousness and ingenuity. They're survivors and I guess I should take a page from their book and get on as they do. *shrugs* anyway, that's enough for this ramble, toodles.

I figure if I can't really tell someone who knows me right now what I did I might as well put something here. To the point mother nature gave her monthly gift to me a few days ago and emotionally its really bitten me on the ass. To the point I tortured n choked my budgie bird to death. Ohhhh yea gunna roast downstairs for this one. I've been so frustrated lately with no real vent and I guess trying to dominate the will of a stubborn biting bird was an outlet. One I took to far. I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway. I have no real friends other than aquaintances online and I figure if I tell them this they'll mentally put me in a straight jacket and send me to the psychiatric ward. In other respects I think I'm more susceptible to others sadness. My nan is ill and she radiates sadness and my aunt as well has her own stresses with her husbands health. My father is an alcoholic and his melancholy is palpable. I live in a very small place with less than 150 ppl. Most of whom I'm reated to, so any romance is pretty much nill. If I think too much about this place I live in with its isolation I could cry. My only real company that shows affection is my 4 cats. Yes I'm a pathetic crazy cat lady. I'm starting to lose hair, a hereditary condition in some of the women on my moms side and I'm overweight and bad complexioned so well I'm not exactly runway material. To add a cherry on this macabre pie I have Asbergers Syndrome. A high functioning form of autism. Back to the original subject, I held mu budgie with one hand, clamping his beak closed with two fingers, one under his chin, pressing into his throat and one over on his nostrils, letting him dangle and flutter until he grew weak n was almost gone then let him breathe again. I did this repeatedly, occasionally flicking his beak with my finger with I tried to pet his head and he'd try to bite me. What did I really hope to achieve? He was scared n terrified as he had a right and bit as was his right but I did it anyway, now I feel mentally soiled and ill. I can't tell anyone because I know its a bad sign. Would I harm bigger creatures? If I delve into myself I don't really think so. I adore my cats and even though I can't really say I feel love or trust it I don't think it worth harming a human being. Too much effort, too much darkness to absorb with such an act. I have a darkness but not enough for that, nor do I desire it. Do I hate? no, I don't feel enough towards an individual to work up the effort. (you may have gathered I'm lazy) Well the bird is dead in the cage. Don't know how I'm gunna explain this one, I might have killed the other too. I had two budgies. Ugh my tree really doesn't go to the top branch. Other bird despised me though I didn't do anything to her, she was just contrary as fuck. Yea I'm a serial budgie killer... winter sucks and this dirt women gotta get every month can kiss my east coast arse