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Right now I should be sleeping but I can't I have a head ache an I ache inside..But not physically insie..I just feel odd..Hurt and used. I know why for somethings but in other ways I don't. I feel a bit betrayed and maybe a bit set up. But maybe thats just me being crazy and parinoid.



I feel that my chick is gonna end up becoming like her friend. Cause she was supposed to go with me today some where but said she would rather stay and clean the house. But thats not why she really wanted to stay. Oh no she wants to stay so she can get her nails done and go to the tanning bed. So I was kind of lied to but oh well I should be use to it. But it makes me thinks she gonna end up like this friend of hers a materialist whore..But oh well..My loss..It happens.



I hate feeling used and thats how I feel right now. But hey everyone always uses me for the same thing. Guess it's my fault for letting them in a way. But oh well my body is nothing but someone elses toy. Who cares if i hurt..No one.Use to that to..



I just want to curl up into a ball and cry and bleed and just let out one big release of anger and pain. But oh no I can't do that. Cause that's not what other people what..They want me to keep in all my pain and anger. All my hurt should be bottled up cause its better for them that way. But maybe one I'll get to let it out..

I want to put my head through a fucking wall right now..I am fucking pissed..It just seems like I can never do a god damn thing right. You try to make someone happy and its still not good enough. I still find a way to fuck that up..I swear i just want to rip something apart, make something feel pain or hurt.



I just want to get away get some god damn satisfaction for the fucking things I do. But that will never happen not now not in a million years. It's pointless..I just feel like giving up on trying to please others cause it just keeps me from get the pleasures i desire.



In the end it matters not cause one day I'll fucking rot.

Rot deep in the ground and then maybe my frown will be upside down.

But till then I am shit.

Losing faith bit by bit.

Being nothing but what I am.

Less than this less than a man.

Sitting here alone .

alone screaming with an angered tone

being blank filled with hate and pissed.

Knowing all the things I've missed..

Just a lump an angry man waiting waiting for the end.

Sometimes in life we have friends that move on in life and do good or great things with there life. And those people still make contact with you and remember you and all that jazz. Then on the other hand you have friends that make somethng of themselves and forget all the "little people" that supported them along the way and helped them get to that spot in there life. This has pretty much happened to me..



I have two friends one male and the other female that have gotten a bit of fame from being on a telveision program. And it seems like every time I send them a message no reply..Mainly form the female. The male will reply here and there and the last time I saw him out he gabbed it up with me and some of the people I was with how good of frineds we are and how we go way back and such. Which is good. I guess he was trying to impress people for me..But thats all dandy. But the female I havent seen her in person for a good bit. Every message has no reply. I know they are busy people and such but I am sure she could reply every once in a while. Hell I talk to few other fameous people i know online and they respond back.



It just urks me to know that I stood by these people when times where rough and they were trying to push a monthly and two weekly events around town. I made a get well card for the guy after he got jumped at the club where one of the events for held and had his orbital socket crushed and had to have reconstructive surgery.. He has mentioned he still has it. Which makes me smile from time to time. There where a few nights at the club when the night was winding down and there would be creeps on the dance floor and the female frined of mine would pull me to the side and ask me to dance with her or pretend to be her boyfriend so some perv would leave her alone. Even when her and my wife would get into figts and arguments for months for what ever reason. She was always nice to me and called me pet names and I got the biggest hugs from her. She never once turned me away.



Those days are gone and I miss them so much. I miss my friends more than the fact that I am pissed cause i don't get replys from messages. I miss the people I knew not these T.V, Stars that have no time for the people that helped build them up and try to keep a sceen alive. Thye made the sceen what it is here where I live. I'm thankful for that. But others helped along the way. People that stood by them and always had a kind word to say to them.



I don't know i just wish that some kind of feed back at least a hey how ya doing or I'm great I miss ya..Maybe some day...

COMMENTS

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xXSeductiveXLustXx
13:37 Sep 11 2008

aww:(...well I miss you!

But really how are you?

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