The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I saw now the needs of the world. The needs of the common and extraordinary to seek out and cling to a belief. The need of the dejected to be validated and of the misunderstood to be known. So I went back into the world seeking these people and learning from them. Showing them the power in themselves by example. Inspiring some, raising others. It was no easy task, and soon it became clear that I needed more time to plan my moves. The ultimate goal: to create a society of those who did not or could not fit into the society at large. I took to the internet, seeking these from all corners of the world. No more was my own need foremost in my mind. Rather, I concerned myself with the needs of others like me. Each individual being different, every person requires a unique approach. I found it easy to be whomever I needed to be in a pinch to achieve my aims, and whoever I needed to be to bore into the souls of others. To reach into the minds of the unawakened and fling wide the gates of the cages which restrain the slumbering beast in all of us. Largely to great effect, but many would, in time, go their own way soon after. This was beneficial, as it marked a success. I found myself in a duality of leader and servent. This was the greatest purpose I had ever known, and I revelled in my successes. So long as those who would fall into the madness of the past could not be used by more basic predators to serve some odd perversion, I felt I was doing right. And so now here I find myself. I will not disclose further here, for the sake of protecting those I try to help. But, dear reader, if you believe yourself able to benefit from these experiences, do not be shy in saying so. Together a new society can be made. And together we can rise from the ashes of our former selves. Reborn, remade, recreated in the image of gods.

So there I was, laughing into the void. Isolated and mad. I saw then the truth of the world there reflected. The truth that human beings will always be destroyed by their convictions if those convictions are desimated before them. I saw now my Family had fallen into ruin not because of their zealousness and need to believe in some messiah, but because their chosen messiah had failed to deliver them from the solitude to sanctuary. I had brought them together, and when they came to need me, I had abandoned them. It was here, finally, that my eyes opened to the responsibilities of a charasmatic presence and to the need to weild rather than deny power given unto oneself. I held then still no desire to hold such power, but resolved to use it to guide those by whom it was granted through the savage garden and deliver them from the sufferings which left them in need of a saviour. And so I did. I went forth from the darkness of that forest to return to the city I had so despised before. Going amongst the people there to feed and fornicate, and making a presence in the shadows of the minds of other more willing spiritual leaders. I set upon achieving coronation as a priest in an obscure church I seldom have thought of since taking the vows. This, to better aid those upon the earth who required such services as only a priest may provide but had their aversions to the organized cults which so long ruled the world. I learned from the contented why they were happy in themselves. And from the wretched I learned the ails which made them so. All this without ever leaving behind a memory of my being. Like a spectre, I visited the debauched and the enlightened to know the ways of the human psyche. I learned much in that time, and resolutely I imparted the wisdom each person I met was seeking so they may find their truth and theor will within themselves. This is how I came to know betrayal...

I found myself alone in unfamiliar lands, the creeping desire growing with each day left unfulfilled. So frequently I would think back on the Family I had once amassed, wishing simultaneously to recreate it and to never be the cause of such undoing. A year passed and my thirst was slaked only about once per moon. I was now calling a large city, full of wonders and distractions, my home. For this reason I found trouble in seeking new peers and donors. They were there, surely, but hidden in plain sight amongst the myriad humdrum faces of wasted flesh or else sullied by the vices of urban living. For a time I took what I could get. Being now an adult I had new rules to abide, so I took to monogamy. I sought a lover and at last found one I could share my desire with. Not once did they ask for reciprocation, however, and soon I began to see that they bore misgivings to giving. In mercy I sought new blood and found it somehow more easily than in the time before. This was beneficial to us both, but detrimental to our relationship. When I realized the latter, I took to seducing a partner for us both. One on whom I could feed and with whom they could copulate. Personal events occured, however, in the life of my lover and they fled for another as I took to my new pet. For two months this new arrangement was beneficial and joyous, but soon this new donor became as entranced as my old Family had been. Obsessed to the point of self destruction. During one of our sessions my pet nearly carved out their very life to give it to me. I had no choice but to leave. In order to do so, I had to crush the bond so carefully built between us. To prevent them becoming a sacrifice to their new god, I had to be as a demon. And so I was. And it was easy. With fire in my eyes, I tore apart every inch of love between us and left them there in tears. To avoid this deification from ever happening again, I denied myself the one thing I truly wished to keep. For some time after I took to raw animal flesh in order to satiate the desire. I walked alone through the world. Isolating myself in a mountain home and refusing to seduce or seek new donors. In my isolation, I saw the darkness of my own soul reflected in the void which was now my only friend and family. And so I stared into it. Examined it. Basked in it. All but surrendered to it. At last, the void stared back unto me. And when it did I was compelled to hunt the living creatures of the woods surrounding my home. Smaller, weaker ones at first, but then soon the larger predators with tooth and talon. I was at my most viscious now, having done what I never before thought to do to quench my thirst: I had taken life from the living. Not from living humans, but the principal was clearly the same. After each hunt I would wash my hands of the wasted wine and stare endlessly into that once-friendly void. And finally, as I suppose I always knew it would, the void did more than gaze back into me. It made a sound. So soft at first but rising to an aweful crescendo. I was filled with a realization of the madness I had left in my wake without any malice aforethought. And I did the only sensable thing I could as that void stared at me. I laughed.... And the void laughed back.

Nearly a decade has passed now since this hunger began. Not a physical sensation like the hunger which ensures our sustenance, but a pervasive thought lurking always just behind my eyes. I was fortunate at that time that such things were very 'in' with my peers. Anne Rice was much beloved, Twilight haunted the advertisements of teen television, and the emo movement had only just reared its hair-hidden head. For these reasons, I had no trouble at the ripe age of 14 in finding donors. Safe ones of an appropriate age for me at that time. For various reasons my darker-minded classmates were drawn to me in almost cultish fashion. Within two years of developing the desire I had gained something of a following. Call it a court or coven, I called them family. They would each join the fold by, for their own personal reasons, donating to me. In kind, if they wished, I would return the same and soon they would also share amongst themselves. Quickly I developed rules for safety which I later found already existed in the identical sub-culture of our elder counterparts. It was nice, and we were happy. Willing outcasts, excluding ourselves from the society which reviled us. Freaks and weirdos all, we rejoiced in each other even more than we fed upon each other. But after a time there came trouble. One member of our little Family became zealous, delusional. Insisting upon an esoteric centre to the group. Unbeknownst to me, the Family very quickly became a cult. My friends I viewed as siblings came to call themselves my children. The dabbling in magick became an obsession with ritual. For outside reasons I left them for sixty-four days and returned to find a shambles. Empty husks of former people. Drug-addled, nearly to the point of psychosis, pious to the point of obsession, demanding a messiah they could never know. I saw what had become of them and in my youthful ignorance I fled. But as I fled them, the desire did not flee me....

COMMENTS

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UninhabitedHeart
00:52 Mar 22 2018

Wow memories of my youth are flooding in. I had an experience somewhat similar minus the drugs. They all eventually moved away...

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DocHanTer
05:03 Mar 22 2018

I was the one who moved away. Not entirely for this reason, but it was certainly a factor. For years after I have run into many other sycophants similar to the one mentioned here. I suppose people just want to believe in something.

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