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It continues. Someone came out yesterday said they would get us taken care of by next week.
Then I get a call just not long ago that they're conveniently booked out until January. That they couldn't do the job.
I told the secretary that I was promised services by next week and that she better make it happen. I know it's because they don't want to be responsible for eating the warranty they voided by improver installation. Plus commercial jobs pay more hence sending out the worst fuck to cover a small job and him totally fucking it up. All of which are not my fucking problem but it needs fixed and THEY need to fix what they fucked up.

Called the company secretary that replaced and installed the pump last time. She didn’t have the invoice on file I had to email my copy to her..SMH
Or warranty information. Her excuse was they just got a new filing system. Mmmk..
Her boss was “on site” doing a job. So she would call me back. So sitting here and it’s been a while. Trying to be understanding I’m sure there are other customers. Meanwhile I can’t do any chores because they require water to go down the drain which I can’t do.

Update: When they updated the system they conveniently lost everything prior to that. Hmm who’s faults that? Not mine. I wonder how many shoddy jobs they did that they were trying to hide? She said the warranty is only for a year funny though cause that’s not what the pumps website said. The minimum warranty is 5 years. Getting real pissy now.

I knew today was going to be a shit day. (Literally and figuratively)
My sewer alarm started going off last night. I was too tired to deal with it so I went to bed. I got up took the lid off the tank sure enough the tank is full. I just had the pump replaced about 1 year and 9 months ago. Of course perfect timing with Thanksgiving just 9 days away. Not going to be able to do anything because I can’t run water even though now I have water because the last thing was the well pump. Going through the paper work now I’m almost sure this thing has a warranty of some kind.
I think at this juncture just going to have the whole system rewired because the last time the alarm was shorting out. It stopped eventually so just thought it was moisture related it worked this time.
Well might as well get the tanks pumped going to have to do it anyway and going to need to be able to shower, wash dishes and such so need that lead way until I figure out what’s going on.

I think it’s safe to say I’m not good at this whole thing. Love can’t cover a crime. I wasn’t going to let him around them. My job is to protect my kids. Where was my protection? Allowing something like that to shatter me and then to tell me it was supposed to make me more like you.
It could have been anything else but why allowing that? You don’t know what a betrayal it is to me that they choose to cover this particular sin all while not understanding what it did to me how it fucked me up. Trying to heal from something like that. You would rather reject my pain than reject his sin. In a different world covering others sins may have been enough but now people don’t even care about others they will play you and turn around and do it again. All this stuff we are supposed to call as if it is when it’s not. I don’t have the faith for that. I’m in a rock in a hard place because you’re supposed to protect me now I don’t trust you.

So I can laugh about it. I can laugh about the fact that sometimes my parents locked us out of the house. We did a lot of adult things. It’s even a miracle we lived and didn’t die with all the dangerous crazy shit we did.
In a way it was freeing not to be under my Dad’s cruel rule until the street light came on. The truth is though I feel in a way somehow it affected me psychologically to a degree. I’m sitting with this feeling now that I don’t want to be alone. I feel it’s a subset of abandonment trauma from having to do too much on my own.
I don’t know maybe a lot of people feel that as a common feeling that comes and goes. The feeling is always triggered when I become afraid I’ll lose someone from death. (Both parents dying from cancer) Or they will leave just to run some small errands. (My Dad locking my Mom out of the house) I fear they won’t come back. It was complete hell after my Mom never came back. I misplaced my anger on her for a long time but I knew it wasn’t her fault. What I was angry about she wasn’t there to protect me anymore not that she really did but her presence in my life made the suffering bearable. His drinking and emotional abuse got worse and so did the molesting from my older sibling. I wanted to die parts of me did died.
I feel like I would never be able to make it on my own. I know that’s probably not true. I’m very resourceful. I’m self employed as well. SMH so WTF? lol
It’s not a logical emotion. I have tried to challenge it but it stubbornly refuses to leave.

That was soooo Sus but I suppose things just work themselves out. *shrugs*

I have been trying to be patient but I am not patient at all. Granted it has taken me since last December to stretch my ears to the point they are now but now that I’m only about 3 MM away from my goal size I’m getting super antsy to just be done with it so I can start building a collection of plugs.
I will endure though because the last thing I want to do is mess up my lobes by going too fast especially now.

I’m not really sure what’s going to happen but I have noticed more and more people waking up like they have been just walking through their lives sleeping before and they are now coming to that realization.

I decided I had had enough today finally after all these years. They will be coming for you, coming to tear down your kingdom. The hosts will be coming to break down your strongholds and to slay your princes.

It’s too much to explain to people who just don’t get it. Who have never gone through that type of thing. I’m not saying men don’t get abused but people that question why someone stays around. Or puts up with it. Or goes back to their abusers won’t get it unless they have experienced it for themselves. I’m grateful for the curiosity but please be mindful of how you question those who have been through something like this. They’re not responsible for the actions of their abusers. It is a prison you could never understand unless you’ve been there.

Four doctorates you say? How long ago did you get them? Did you get them out of a Cracker Jack box? Sounds like you need to go for a refresher in your communication doctorate. You condescending asshole.
Arrrggg!!

The only reason I didn’t tear into you and hand you your own asshole. I’m trying to be a different person than I was.
I need some space though and I can’t even bring myself to tell you because I’m so incredibly pissed off at you right now.

I went and bought some 8 mm plugs for when I stretch my ears again in a few months. It will be awhile until I’ll be able to wear all but one pair because they are double flared but excited it gives me something to look forward to. Three more sizes until I reach my goal size.

*sighs* No and no. I don’t owe anyone an explanation. I’m not obligated to answer any questions I’m not comfortable answering.
My political views are personal and no one else’s business.

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CuRsEdToDaRkNeSs
01:32 Nov 07 2024

*claps* That is my opinion as well. I do NOT talk politics. It's an anonymous act for a reason.

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Disenchantment
02:39 Nov 07 2024

👍🏻

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One of those days. Tired and overwhelmed so I think it’s time to step back from everything and everyone and take some me time.
Feeling some type of way today. Not really sure what the cause is. I do know that I feel overwhelmed emotionally. Like I’m being spread thin in places.
Just seeing the stark difference of how things should be versus how they are not.
If I’m honest it makes me extremely sad.
There’s really nothing there anymore.
Trying to initiate anything just leads to me feeling that disconnect even more.
There’s no emotional connection. So anything I did manage to muster up gets killed from the get go. I wish I knew what I know now but I can’t think like that. Just makes it that much worse than I fall into the pit.

COMMENTS

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MooniePie
17:50 Nov 03 2024

xoxox 🩵💙🩵💙

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Disenchantment
02:57 Nov 04 2024

Thank you xoxox

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